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Why online dating sucks....

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SPKx
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19 Jun 2011, 11:02 am

For the last few months, I've been having absolutely no success at online dating, with nobody responding to my messages.

Yesterday, I finally get a response on OKCupid.

In the message the girl says that I am not who she is looking for and that she wishes me luck on OKCupid.

The irony couldn't be greater.



Phonic
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19 Jun 2011, 11:08 am

Maybe you should ask a close friend or family member to have a close look at your page to point out some things that you say that might turn people off? This women seemed to already have made up her mind about you.


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MollyTroubletail
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19 Jun 2011, 11:15 am

I thought it was quite polite of that woman to turn you down so nicely, and I see no irony in that.

I can't see your profile or what kinds of messages you're writing to people, but in general on online dating sites women receive overwhelming numbers of letters from men, while men normally receive no letters at all from women. This phenomenon causes widespread predatory behaviour from men and defensive behaviour from women who are sick of being treated like fresh meat for vultures.

Despite that, I am able to write the kinds of profiles and letters that 95% of women will respond favourably to. I frequently do this for male friends who are having no luck with their own attempts.



SPKx
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19 Jun 2011, 11:25 am

MollyTroubletail wrote:
I thought it was quite polite of that woman to turn you down so nicely, and I see no irony in that.


The irony is that she is wishing me luck after weeks of me having no luck and that in the end I would have been more content with her ignoring me like the rest (and sparing me the disappointment of finding out that my first message in weeks is a rejection).



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jun 2011, 11:29 am

Quote:
Why online dating sucks....


They do, that's why you need to look elsewhere.

Hale_bopp once said that online dating is like grabbing a stranger and asking him/her "wanna date?", she's right, it's an unnatural environment for dating.



MollyTroubletail
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19 Jun 2011, 11:45 am

SPKx wrote:
I would have been more content with her ignoring me like the rest (and sparing me the disappointment of finding out that my first message in weeks is a rejection).


You could always include in your profile,

"If you're not interested when I write to you, please delete my letter without responding at all. I'd appreciate it very much."

I'm sure women would comply with such a polite request and spare you any further ironic experiences.



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19 Jun 2011, 12:03 pm

there are lots of threads on here where people have asked to have their profiles edited or critiqued. i have even helped people with how to compose a message for those sites, and given advice as to better pictures and so on. i get the idea that you are maybe not looking for advice but instead want to complain about these sites?


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metaphysics
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19 Jun 2011, 12:36 pm

Common Sense here applies..

I still believe that we are easier to find a lover or spouse in the real world. But if you are looking for excitement, internet would be a much better place to get it. Therefore, it depends.

I am sorry to be so cynical, so just ignore it then.



pezar
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19 Jun 2011, 12:37 pm

MollyTroubletail wrote:
I thought it was quite polite of that woman to turn you down so nicely, and I see no irony in that.

I can't see your profile or what kinds of messages you're writing to people, but in general on online dating sites women receive overwhelming numbers of letters from men, while men normally receive no letters at all from women. This phenomenon causes widespread predatory behaviour from men and defensive behaviour from women who are sick of being treated like fresh meat for vultures.

Despite that, I am able to write the kinds of profiles and letters that 95% of women will respond favourably to. I frequently do this for male friends who are having no luck with their own attempts.


That sounds interesting. I don't think you've critiqued my profile yet, I'm "pezar" on OKCupid. I do make it clear that I'm not looking for anybody right now, and that women who are interested should check back after I've lost weight. I said that because I am on blood pressure medication due to being heavy, and my BP is all over the map due to my weight loss, which frequently results in impotence problems. Since I make it clear that I'm mainly looking for a sex buddy, that would be a deal breaker. I don't say this in the ad though.



Grisha
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19 Jun 2011, 1:36 pm

SPKx wrote:
For the last few months, I've been having absolutely no success at online dating, with nobody responding to my messages.

Yesterday, I finally get a response on OKCupid.

In the message the girl says that I am not who she is looking for and that she wishes me luck on OKCupid.

The irony couldn't be greater.


I've gotten a couple of those myself historically, I actually prefer uninterested parties to simply delete my message without comment in the sake of efficiency.

I gave up on the whole thing months ago, I've still got a "line in the water" (my profile is still active) but I would be shocked if anyone actually contacted me...

I'm immersed in my business/hobbies right now, I experience occasional pangs of romantic longing but nothing persistent or major...maybe you could try this?



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19 Jun 2011, 1:44 pm

Grisha wrote:
SPKx wrote:
For the last few months, I've been having absolutely no success at online dating, with nobody responding to my messages.

Yesterday, I finally get a response on OKCupid.

In the message the girl says that I am not who she is looking for and that she wishes me luck on OKCupid.

The irony couldn't be greater.


I've gotten a couple of those myself historically, I actually prefer uninterested parties to simply delete my message without comment in the sake of efficiency.

I gave up on the whole thing months ago, I've still got a "line in the water" (my profile is still active) but I would be shocked if anyone actually contacted me...

I'm immersed in my business/hobbies right now, I experience occasional pangs of romantic longing but nothing persistent or major...maybe you could try this?


He has no other choice but to try this.



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19 Jun 2011, 2:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Grisha wrote:
SPKx wrote:
For the last few months, I've been having absolutely no success at online dating, with nobody responding to my messages.

Yesterday, I finally get a response on OKCupid.

In the message the girl says that I am not who she is looking for and that she wishes me luck on OKCupid.

The irony couldn't be greater.


I've gotten a couple of those myself historically, I actually prefer uninterested parties to simply delete my message without comment in the sake of efficiency.

I gave up on the whole thing months ago, I've still got a "line in the water" (my profile is still active) but I would be shocked if anyone actually contacted me...

I'm immersed in my business/hobbies right now, I experience occasional pangs of romantic longing but nothing persistent or major...maybe you could try this?


He has no other choice but to try this.


Sometimes all you can do is just simply live your life to the fullest, and yet I hate that term.



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19 Jun 2011, 3:22 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Why online dating sucks....


They do, that's why you need to look elsewhere.

Hale_bopp once said that online dating is like grabbing a stranger and asking him/her "wanna date?", she's right, it's an unnatural environment for dating.


But some of us don't have other options available. Gee, I'm totally going to meet the man of my dreams while shopping with my mom and grandma. No wait, that won't happen since a man rarely approaches a woman with her family, even if she was attractive. I have no car so I can't take myself places. So to me, the internet is my only hope. :(



MollyTroubletail
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19 Jun 2011, 3:44 pm

I'm not trying to rub it in for people who are honestly having a lot of trouble, but I've had very good success with internet dating. I met nearly every single one of my friends and lovers on online dating sites.

Since I have a great deal of trouble starting conversations with strangers in person, but no trouble starting conversations in email or online chat, the online dating sites are my best option. In this way I can introduce them to my weirdness gradually, rather than walking up to them and having my weirdness be the first thing they notice about me. They're a lot more tolerant of my social deficiencies after they've already gotten to like me in chat.



SPKx
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20 Jun 2011, 12:40 am

I've actually had a fair bit of success in actually meeting people. However, that's a whole other reason why online dating sucks (since more often or not, the connection ended after one date).



justjelliot
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21 Jun 2011, 9:44 am

Hey bro,

I have been on online dating sites as well, and my one complaint is that I get so many girls messaging me who want to meet, I can't afford it all. I'd be happy to take a look at your profile or what you tend to message to the ladies and let you know what I think. Perhaps I'd be of some help. Perhaps not. Let me know if you'd like it.