Broke it off with my girlfriend of 3 years.

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stilldays
Snowy Owl
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25 Jun 2011, 4:56 pm

Things were rough, and we're very different. if you recall an earlier thread, I was having relationship problems with my girlfriend for a while now. And it then culminated with her being emotionally abusive during a meltdown which got me thinking I could find better and she wont have to deal with someone she might not ever be able to understand. I know this is going to hurt me soon. I just wish I could be a mix of emotional and a mix of logical and not either or. It makes me feel heartless.



Jory
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25 Jun 2011, 6:04 pm

Better than breaking it off in your girlfriend.

Ahem.

If someone’s being abusive, DTB (dump the b***h/bastard).

No reason to put up with it, ever.



stilldays
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25 Jun 2011, 6:39 pm

She thinks I am because she had to put up with my disability. saying it's hurting everyone.



Lucywlf
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25 Jun 2011, 7:32 pm

Sorry about bursting in here, but I want to put in my two cents' worth.

If she's going to say your disability--something you have little to no control over--is hurting her, then she clearly is not the girl for you. You need someone who understands you and doesn't hold it against you for what you are. There are people out there who can weather these types of storms; I know that as a definite fact because I'm married to one.

You did the right thing, and I wish you good luck in the future.



dyingofpoetry
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25 Jun 2011, 7:43 pm

Lucywlf wrote:
Sorry about bursting in here, but I want to put in my two cents' worth.

If she's going to say your disability--something you have little to no control over--is hurting her, then she clearly is not the girl for you. You need someone who understands you and doesn't hold it against you for what you are. There are people out there who can weather these types of storms; I know that as a definite fact because I'm married to one.

You did the right thing, and I wish you good luck in the future.


That! +100


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stilldays
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25 Jun 2011, 8:11 pm

It's like this. She says if I can't come back to her not sick she'll leave me. She is torturing me. It's not like I want really bad meltdowns I just can't handle the life I live. I have so little things but her, and she's going to call me negative. I explained to her that I see things in black and white, logical and emotional, and she wont have it. I wish she would just like me for me.



Graelwyn
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25 Jun 2011, 8:38 pm

I would say, we can work on controlling meltdowns, and how we react to that, quite a few people here have adapted healthier ways of dealing when they hit that point.

That said, I personally would not remain with someone with an attitude like that, alongside the fact, it is not a sickness. It is a neurological deficit.
Unless she simply worded it wrongly, and was referring only to the way you behave during meltdowns, and I would ask, what is it you do during meltdowns that have made her say this in the first place? do you break things? do you scream and yell? In which case, I could understand her having become upset, as when I have done those things, it has caused a very bad reaction in others, who simply do not have a clue how to deal with such things, anymore than those of us with an ASD can deal with certain oddities of the NT world.

However, if she meant that unless you get rid of the Aspergers, she doesn't want you back, then I would simply walk away and be done with it as you have done. Are you diagnosed? If not, is it possible she doesn't believe you have a condition that can explain the way you are?



kittie
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25 Jun 2011, 8:51 pm

I don't have any words of advice, I can only offer awkward aspie hugs... *megahug*



stilldays
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25 Jun 2011, 9:14 pm

Well I am not diagnosed but I'm pretty positive I had it since I experience meltdowns, overstimulation, and heavy stimming at times. What happened was I was forced to be around people for almost 3 straight weeks and I freaked out due to over stimulation.

She thinks I'm a hypo because she isn't well versed in the spectrum and she noticed I started talking about it a lot after I found out about it. (Didn't know it existed really until a few weeks ago.) Since then I've been researching it a lot and I've found so many things out I never knew wasn't normal about how I am. And many answers to questions from since I was little with a blunted affect and no social skills. I realized that I have my 10 year old self in me still after trying to hide it for years and years with drugs and lies until it all came out. I realized something was very wrong with me. She said she would have believed me if I just said "oh I might have this" and left it be but since I got into it she thinks I'm a hypo. I tried explaining it to her that you cannot fake symptoms you had before knowing of them but she's being bad.

I just cannot stop crying as I know if this sours I will be alone. My mother and father are both schizoaffective and probably have aspergers too.
And my only grandparents are both dieing. One of cancer and alcoholism and the other from a bad heart and dementia.

I actually think my girlfriend might have some disorder as well as she stims very strangely with her hands. And it seems almost like she can't control it. She has anger issues really bad and if she gets too angry she stims like crazy and shakes. I think me and her just need to talk and maybe she whatever she has made her have a tantrum and hit me. She really does love me.



amazon_television
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26 Jun 2011, 5:45 pm

The f****d thing about relationships is feeling so good about finding someone who can deal with your disability/weirdness/whatever you choose to call it... And then one day they can't do it anymore.

If they can't deal with the person that you fundamentally are, then it's best to get out. I learned this the hard way a couple times, and it caused way more hardship than it needed to, both for me and the girls involved.

I'm sure what you're going thru hurts, and I know I'm not saying anything that already hasn't been said, but it sounds like you did the right thing.


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