Love Blues (Pulls Out The Harmonica)

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So... I'm 33. Been alone for the vast majority of my life. I suffer from severe social anxiety in addition to Asperger's. Lucky me, right?

I finally met someone online a year ago. A 20-year-old with Down's syndrome who also happens to be of the same race. We became close and entered into a relationship on August 20th. But broke up two months later. Then got back together in February and then broke up a month later.

We both got serious problems. I am at least financially stable and set, you know? She has a lot of intellectual problems and I did admittedly spend a lot of time helping her with her college homework. We haven't spoken since March 14, so I cannot imagine how she's holding up. She had so many problems just making it, even with my help.

I do love her a lot. A LOT. But I just finally grew tired of feeling under-appreciated and not respected. I felt like she showed every other guy more attention than me. And like she didn't take the relationship seriously. She's very flaky. Part of it is that she's only 20 but has a mentality of a teenager still. Regardless, I lost my temper at her on March 9 and just ranted and raved and broke it off.

I apologized and ladi dadi dadi she was like "I think we should just be friends." I think she's felt like that for a long time. She had the biggest crush on me when we first met, when I ironically was still drinking and smoking pot. I've been sober 6 months now . But I feel like she got charmed by my "bad boy" image or whatever, but once she got to know that I'm a sweet guy and kind and caring, she lost interest and now finds me boring and lacking in the "spark" she desires.

I feel like and have always felt like she wants perfection. It shows in her attitude. Her parents want her to get a part-time job, but she complains that she wants to find the "perfect" job. So she sits there and spends all her time in online chatrooms talking to people who don't really care about her.

Anyway. We haven't spoken in a month. Last we spoke, I said I don't want to be just friends. More importantly, I want to meet. It's been a year. And I want her to tell her mom about me. My mom knows about her and has in fact written emails to her, though she rarely ever replies. And well, I told her to think about it and get back to me, and I haven't heard from her since, except from her friend, who had said that she was sad (this was about 3 weeks ago).

I love her so much. And the fact that we both have a disability, that we're both Indian, that we both share facial features (they say people who look like do well together), and that ... just I love her so much. And she has good values in regard to sex, in that she genuinely aspires to save it until marriage, which is so hard to find these days. Like me, she's against the whole hookup culture.

BUT... she obviously is very young and needs to grow the heck up. As a 33 year old man, I cannot deal with her childish antics or her lack of seriousness.

My question is, given how lonely I am (I literally talk to the ghosts using Ghost Radar... that's how empty my life is, LOL), should I reach out to her and reestablish the one-sided friendship? Or would it be better to stay away, let her grow up and focus on me... which means focus on lifting weights and working and that's about it, as I have NO LIFE.

Plus, like they say, let her go and if she doesn't come back, well ...

There is always a chance too she might end up here. Divorce was on its way and the mom, who doesn't even know about me though I was the one who got her a Valentine's day present on behalf of the girl, is looking for a job elsewhere. The chance she'll wind up here is almost non-existent, but you never know.

It's so hard. People say "oh you'll find someone else." Yes, said the person who's been married since he or she was 25. Or who has dated millions of people.

I'm thinking that I should focus on myself and build up my finances and just hope and pray that God brings her back to me and we wind up together. It's hard to do that though because I'm Agnostic and very much lacking in faith for anything anymore. Being a socially anxious Aspie with super-duper beta male traits... OY VEY! Sometimes I feel I might as well chop it off and join a monastery, hahaha.

Anyway. Thank you for listening. Feel free to chime in. Just be nice please .

I love the Blues as well, especially with the harmonica so I thought I would post this tune, but then I read your post, might help anyway.

I couldn't stand being in a relationship with someone who has down's syndrome.

Very cool song Nambo!

And why not @ DailyPoutine1?

I'm actually very attracted to her physically. She's tiny. Literally tiny and weighs very little, but I love her nonetheless. But have you had bad experiences with Downies?

And well, heh, I've always imagined/hoped we'll one day get married and name it the "Aspie and Downie" wedding .

... OR Downie and Aspie (feminism, lol)

Not rude at all. Just blunt and honest!

ROFLOL. Nice observation there! "Bazinga!"