Needing some advice before I throw it all away

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Hi All,

Right so i've lurked here alot in the past pre and post diagnosis, I've been with my GF since Jan 2012, and last March we had our daughter who is now almost 13months.

Since that time their have been a few blows between me and my GF and also her family, which in tern involved Childrens Services and me being arrested for potentially harming my daughter (All has been cleared and I was found not guilty)

Since the end of that court case last November, I've been doubting our relationship and if we should continue as current.

She basically no longer trusts me alone with child and uses this against me when I don't always do things with daughter, Her parents have always been weird about me and her and have tried in the past to split us up.

I have complex issues around trust, depression and a few other things, including Hyper-sexuality, which we don't diag in the UK

So basically I guess I'm wondering would anyone throw the towel in or would you all try and make it work?

I've talked with her about having two flats so that we both get some alone time, but she said that would constitute a break up and she doesn't feel happy as thinks I would be living a bachelorhood lifestyle and having sex with anyone.

Which is not the case, I would just use it as a place to recouperate and relax away from the tension of everyday life with her and daughter.

Also my GF is very emotionally needy, very financially controlling, she gets all the money and spends it, also she tends to talk to other guys about their sex lives which she says is not cheating.

Anyway sorry for the long post

Don't take this as advice, but if I were in your situation, I'd break up with your GF. I know it sounds selfish, but she clearly doesn't understand your needs, nor does it sound like she cares either. The only complicating factor would be your daughter. Now, it's a good thing you're not married, as you'd be expected to pay alimony if you broke up otherwise, but I wonder if your GF would still be able to sue. Even so, your daughter will need you in her life. So, I don't know, if I were in your shoes, I'd break up with your GF, but try to find some way to be involved in your daughter's life.

This is part of the reason why I don't ever plan on getting married or having kids. Too much drama.

New moms can be overly protective of their child, but it sounds more like she's using the kid as a bargaining chip. Looking at it that way, I'd get out of the relationship and arrange custody matters through the court stat.

At the very least, she should respect your feelings and compromise with you. She also shouldn't let her family interfere in the relationship negatively.

Thanks both, thats kinda what I figured would need to happen, it's just going to hurt the extended family on my side as my parents won't get to see their grand daughter as much as they currently do.

I've got somewhere to move to so I guess its just biting the bullet and telling her it's over.

Surprised with 110 views to only get 2 replies

The only advice that I can give you is that you should make sure that you are certain before you make a decision. I mean try to make sure that whatever you decide is what you really want. That the decision does not come from a place of depression, fright or angst since sometimes it is easy to let such emotions decide ones actions, but the result is then seldom good in the long run.

(....)

That's just a one side of the story, so I have no opinion nor advice.

^ Agreed, plus there's a lot of detail that's missing and would probably affect my reply. I don't even get a sense of where your daughter stands in your mind.

One thing is certain though, you may want to dial up communication with your girlfriend, you're doing fine, but more would be healthier.

Thanks so far the consensus seems to be to leave and I'm fairly certain thats where its heading now