I really need some guidance.

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Recently I discovered ASD. I am self diagnosed but my doctor agrees that I have something in the Autistic Spectrum. So I have little empathy, have major meltdowns because I never knew what it was to wave my arms and rock while crying when I finally feel explosions of emotion. My girlfriend and her family( my only social life) do not believe me and just think Ive got hypochondria. Me and my girlfriend fought about it because yesterday I had another meltdown over worrying about her (I've got an obsession), leaving and she kept walking in and calling me a baby and a selfindulgent child and a pathetic non-man. This fed it til I just wanted to die. Oh, and the other day I had a meltdown over stress from work and she got mad enough to punch me in the side of the face. She thinks I am a hypo because before I thought I had schizophrenia but that is only because I had meltdowns and thought it was psychosis. She's making me stop looking for information on it when it defines why I hurt my entire life. Why I had no friends. Now that I know how I am I cannot just close it for her in idiocy. She says it doesn't even matter if I have it or not that I have to be a man anyway? How am I supposed to " be a man" when everything or thought hurts me in a meltdown? When all I want to her is a nice voice telling me it's alright. I've been forced to use my powers of not caring to make myself go to work. Sorry for the long post. just needed to know some experiences with this. I need to know what to do, and fast or I will lose her/be depressed for my entire life.

I get the impression that your girl is very unaccepting of your issues & does not want to take the time to try & understand em. You are probably better off without her if that's the case. Punching you in the face seems abusive to me

I Its pretty hard for me right now. She just will not accept that I know i have it. She even wants to check my history to see if I looked up aspergers. Every issue she had with me was a symptom. Calling me defective and not a man when I go through hell hiding my lack if empathy. She has hit me so many times in rages not that it hurts me. I feel as though I am obsessed with the ideal of her being there and helping me because I feel like a kid often she doesnt understand that I just want to hold her and not have sex. I dont know how I can empathize with her desires. Ive been with her for almost four years. She doesnt support my music passions either. Her and her friend teamed up on me last night during a meltdown calling me a baby, ive never felt so alone. Sorry for the huge reply.

I agree

yes. NOBODY deserves to be called a non-man or punched in the face. that sounds very abusive and it is just going to continue to make you feel bad about yourself. your best option is to leave, and if you are absolutely not ready to leave her, you might want to try to do couples counselling. but i do not see a way that this can improve as it the situation stands right now. i'm sorry that this is happening to you. ((((hugs))))

IMO, the girlfriend is not a friend. She is abusive and intolerant, as well as non-supportive. Leave her and build a new life for yourself. If she is going so far as hitting you, she has no respect for you whatsoever. And you definitely deserve better.

I wish i could fix it. I just recently took the aq and got a 185. I then told my np about it who said its likely and now im hunting for a neurologist. My life was hurt so much by this so now that i know the answer I cannot stop thinking about. She says that it doesnt matter if I have it or not im just weak and now her friends think the same. Her father said im just a weak person to because of the meltdowns. My parents are too senile to be there for me and I havr no friends. Im lost but glad I have the knowledge to live on.

It sounds like you’d be much, much better off without your girlfriend.

Yes. You are in an abusive relationship. A lot of people here have been in one at some point.

It doesn't matter if it hurts or not. If she is punching/hitting you and verbally degrading you then it is abuse.

Your girlfriend is being physically and psychologically abusive to you. If you allow it to continue, she might wear you down to the point of wanting to commit suicide eventually.

There is a certain unfortunate stigma attached to being a man who's abused by a woman, because everyone assumes that it's always the man abusing the woman. For this reason, you may find it difficult to find anyone who believes you or gives you support for the abuse. This will depress and alienate you even further.

If you can afford it, I think your best bet is to get counseling for these issues, before they ruin your life. Alternatively, you could simply leave the abusive girlfriend and socialize with supportive and understanding people instead.

Stilldays,

You are in a relationship with a psychologically and physically abusive woman. I hope you can find the strength to get out. There are a lot of people here on WP that will support you.

Is a girlfriend supposed to want to break up if they can't stand seeing me in pain? She says I'm no fun. Sorry I was forced to go shopping during a post meltdown shutdown. I just want someone to comfomt
me.

Girlfriends are supposed to comfort you when they see you in pain instead of putting you down & abusing you; that only makes your pain worse.

Update, thinking I might actually be done with her soon. My feelings are strange though. She's been basically my entire life for almost 4 years. Celebrated all the firsts, more for me because I was somewhat sheltered with no friends. For some reason I am numb to it but I know it will transfer into a meltdown if I don't stop it. I do not think I could ever love anyone the same if it happened. Her family are my only friends. There's just so many problems lately. I can't hide from her my asexuality, my lack of empathy, my displeasure at even going to the movies with her due to the stimulation, the fights, and every single problem than occurs in an nt-aspie relationship. She has been really good to me and provided me a shoulder to cry on sometimes, when things got to much. But in my moment of weakness I've never seen she does these things to me? I'm at a loss. She wants a break and so do I, because I've realized something. I like her most when she is comforting me, or being cute with me. It's like the kid in me just wants a friend but every other part of her bothers me and it's the first time I've actually said it. She forces me to have sex with her when I'm at low points and just need to talk, even forcing me several times and then belittling me and saying I am pathetic and worthless. She demands things all of the time and because I am affected I cannot tell whether she wants me to have fun or if it's selfish and wont give me the support for a diagnosis when I need it most. She never supported my music unless I got upset. Never said she liked my voice, or my songs. Wouldn't give me time for practice, always taking advantage of my childlike behavior. I feel like she's this toy that loved me back. She let me think that there was a kid in her too, and that's what hurts the most. It kills me. I feel as if I was scammed the whole time when the whole time she wanted an NT and not me. And I tried so hard, and hurt so much to try to be the person I'm not. I think now I'd rather be alone and learning how to show my emotion through music than with someone who will further damage me. Everything I own was bought by her or in her presence, even my clothes. I do not know how to integrate. This is too much.

Sorry, it was more for me to get out. pros and cons, all too logical.

Has anyone else had that feeling of a child trapped inside them?

Thanks everyone, this will help me more than you will ever know.

To answer your last question, yes, unfortunately I've been an 8-12 year old in a woman's body most of my adult life. Conversely as a child all anyone could say is how mature I was. I've only known/suspected my condition for the last few months and learning Why/what/how has been an all consuming force almost every day. Few people i know want to hear about it and less want to talk it out. This includes my mother, who informed me of her diagnosis as an Aspie, from almost 30 years ago, just two weeks ago. So I come here and read or talk to other people who seem to be the same : ) or at least are interested lol.

About abuse. My BFF was with a woman who got diagnosed as a borderline schizophrenic with hyper explosive rage disorder. When he met her she was on the peak of one of her long up swings, after two years together she crashed and went from loving girlfriend to a physically abusive manipulator who refused to take medication or see a doctor. Having watched someone i love be abused and see him told it was his fault for not being a better or real man I can't express how much I felt for you while reading your post. And I have to agree with everyone who's posted before, you are worth more then this treatment and most likely would be better off without her. The amount of guilt he went through and all the pain she inflicted has left physical and mental scars on him.

As I sit here I'm realizing that far more then one of the males I know have dealt with abuse from women, my step-father's first wife would hit him and even stabbed him once. My BFF as well as my first real boyfriend after he got married. And countless men I've met have been forced to live how their wives or girlfriends want rather then in ways that make them happy... not exactly abuse but equally as baffling to me as why so few seem to talk about it.

None of you deserve it. Please be safe and know you are worth more then this.

She shouldn't have hit you, that was completely out of order and I think on that point alone you should have left. However reading your most recent post, I'll be honest; you don't seem entirely blameless yourself (note, still not deserving of being hit).

It sounds like she's spent a lot of time being supportive and letting you cry on her shoulder- you've just said that the only time you even like her is when she's 'comforting' you.

On the other hand, you write;


How do you think you'd feel being in love with someone and finding out over 4 years that for them it's been a huge sham and they only really liked you when you were giving them something? I don't know about you, but I'd be pretty resentful too (but never to the point of violence I'd hope). Again, I don't mean to be overly harsh, but I think her anger at finding out is quite justified.

But anger is one thing, assault another; take her up on this 'break' and get out of there.