Marriage stuff

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So let me be up front and totally clear, I love my wife more than anything else in the world and wouldnt think twice about dying for her.

That being said, my wife has a back injury (3 herniated and 1 bulging discs) and we haven't been intimate in nearly 5 months. Now I understand that I can't be pushy when there is an injury in the mix, but it's gotten to the point where my Aspie brain wants to see it as she isn't interested in me anymore (I know this isn't the case because she is depressed from having a huge mobility change and depression can affect such things), but when I hit a manic low it just skips past logic and reason. When I get in these lows, I start heavily flirting with girls, but never goes any further, nor would I allow it to, I vowed to be ever faithful to her and that's a promise I intend to keep or die before breaking.

Half venting half stressing. Anyone have any similar woes in this area?

I can do you one better...

My wife has a bulging disc and not anything we can really do about it.

Our first child was a deliberate, planned pregnancy.

Our second child was NOT planned, plus she was placenta previa. So, no intimacy until after the baby was born, and as it usually is a C-section. So, it was pretty much over a year without much of anything IF anything.

We're on our third pregnancy, no problems, lots of fun. But that will all be over in April after the baby is born since our doc doesn't allow VBACs. And that means 6 months to a year with no intimacy, no SLEEP since we'll be trading nights taking care of the baby. We'll do the same thing we did with our other two, meaning the baby stays next to our bed the first three months, transferred from a basket to a proper crib after that, and sleeping all night by 6 months. After that, he's his big brother's and big sister's problem.

In the meantime, I've also sworn off alcohol until my wife heals. Just my way of saying, "Thanks, God, for blessing our family" and out of respect for my wife who LOVES to drink. We both do!

I mess around a little on SecondLife. The funny thing about that is my wife actually encourages my antics. Sometimes she actually watches, makes comments, and I type in what she says since she's a lot more clever and creative than I am. I'm not good at the whole flirt thing in RL, and SL gives me an outlet for the more conniving side of my personality. I would never try to meet up with those people, and my wife and I are inseparable. There's nothing I do or anywhere I go that my wife doesn't know about, and I like it that way. There is a lot of trust in our relationship, and having that level of transparency is a show of faith that she CAN trust me.

In your situation, the only thing I'd be concerned about is if you're flirting with other girls, exactly how is it you know things won't go further than just flirting? All it takes is one cute horny girl with a bad aggressive streak to get you to change your mind in a moment of weakness.

Talk to your wife about how you feel, but don't be a db about it. She's the one who is really suffering right now and your feelings have to take a backseat. I'm not saying you don't deserve validation for how you feel, but I am saying stay strong and keep your priorities in order. Your wife should take top priority.

I hope things get better for you. Is surgery an option to correct the back injury? My wife just learned to deal with the pain of hers and it doesn't affect her that badly now--of course, it's been several years. She formerly worked in a law office leased in a building with massive black mold. The landlord was completely unwilling to correct the problem, and personally I think they should have sued them. My wife was given a tentative diagnosis of lupus due to all the arthritis symptoms she had, her upper respiratory problems/allergies, and just otherwise being constantly sluggish and ill. She took a different job and it was like she suddenly got cured. If there's any way your wife can get help or relief from her injury, it will fix a lot more than just her back!

I'm 47 and been married 25 years. I'm AS, he's NT. We have had rough spots just like everyone else, and are going through one now. Up until several years ago, even during the rough spots, the sex was still ok. He's 48 and on blood pressure meds. Guess what his problem is? He can't afford the blue pill, so that's out.

I sort of feel that he doesn't care about it too. He does ok with his magazines and stuff online, but actually anything with me, and forget it. Too much work and it all goes downhill. I was very upset about it for a while.

Then peri-menopause hit and I've pretty much lost my drive too for most of the month so we are compatable again.

I'd suggest that you look into other ways of satisfying each other than the traditional ones. There are plenty of sites out there and newsgroups that can offer suggestions. If you PM me, I can give them to you, as I don't want to post them here because of adult content.

Intimacy is important and it sounds like both of you are suffering from a lack of it. Finding a way to regain that, while not injuring her further is very important. I'd suggest also that you talk to her and ask if that's something she would be interested in and you both could work on finding things.

Good luck!

As far as intimacy, there is more than one way to skin a cat OP....

Think of other ways to pleasure each other, other than the missionary position? There are sex toys on the market for needs I didn't even know existed...

Just saying.....maybe google it? Sex with herniated discs? I guarantee you someone has already come up with some solutions.

Good luck