Misconceptions about online dating

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Joined: 5 Jul 2010
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30 Jun 2011, 10:39 am

Well...as some of you know, my mother discovered my online dating profile last week and it didn't go well. I still have it (I don't think she knows that I reactivated it) and she gave me reasons why I shouldn't do online dating. Feel free to post some misconceptions about online dating or dating in general and disprove them. You can disprove it yourself or allow someone else to do it. Let's keep it clean people, mmkay?

1. "The men on dating sites are rapists. You can't expect to find anyone good on there. If they were good men, they would have found a girlfriend in their own area." (Mom said this one).

2. "Psssh, there aren't any REAL girls on dating sites."

3. "Everyone lies about their age on dating sites. They're all 40-something year olds prowling on teens." (Yes, my mom said this one too)

4. "Why would a guy be willing to drive so far to meet you? He must be up to something bad." (Actual quote).

And I'll let you guys come up with the rest. Feel free to disprove these with facts and examples at your leisure.

Tim_Tex
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30 Jun 2011, 10:44 am

I was told these things by people before.

I mainly do online dating because I usually seek out other Aspies, and I don't have the Aspie-dar that some people have.

Also, I am not a fan of nightclubs, and all the Christian singles groups in my area are at the megachurches, which tend to be sensory overload magnets, a combination of the acoustics and the preachers preaching loudly. (I'm Lutheran, btw).

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Last edited by Tim_Tex on 30 Jun 2011, 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Erisad
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30 Jun 2011, 10:47 am

Tim_Tex wrote:

I was told these things by people before.

Yup. So...any way to disprove them? I kind of want arguments to pose to my mother in case she freaks out about me actually trying to date again.

Hell, even when I said I was visiting my friend at her house this weekend mom said, "It's just you girls? Good. I don't want anything happening with boys." Jesus. I'm not a freaking teen anymore. If I want to talk to boys, I'll talk to them. Just because I talk to them doesn't make me a whore. D:

abaisse
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30 Jun 2011, 10:55 am

Erisad wrote:

4. "Why would a guy be willing to drive so far to meet you? He must be up to something bad." (Actual quote).

When my father gave me the speech about being careful because Mark might be an ax murderer :lol:

I responded with...

"Thanks, I'm aware that I'm no prize. I've got issues. He's got issues and just maybe, our issues work together."

If anything, I've found that online dating is kinda nice because you can get to know about each other emotionally before there are any physical demands.

Erisad
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30 Jun 2011, 11:01 am

abaisse wrote:

Erisad wrote:

4. "Why would a guy be willing to drive so far to meet you? He must be up to something bad." (Actual quote).

When my father gave me the speech about being careful because Mark might be an ax murderer :lol:

Yeah but my mom's like, "He could just be saying all the right things to get you feeling all secure and then he'll rape you or kidnap you when you meet." *sigh*

abaisse
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30 Jun 2011, 11:11 am

That's no different than meeting someone in person. Just because you run into someone and they seem nice, it doesn't mean they'll be a gentlemen when out on a date. Online, long-distance, local... it's all the same- some people suck and some are worth getting to know. People are individuals regardless of the dating outlet.

Erisad
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30 Jun 2011, 11:14 am

*sigh* She feels that I'm gambling with online dating and don't value my life to put it at risk like that. "You deserve better!" Well, if I was a normal person, I could have found my "soulmate" from normal means but I'm not. I'm trapped in a sh***y rural area with an overbearing mother and online dating is the only chance I have of meeting people. :cry:

abaisse
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30 Jun 2011, 11:25 am

Well, I have a totally different perspective on that. I live in a well populated area and have dated plenty locally. If I ended up with any one of them, I'd just be settling.

Yet, I came online (not even to date!) and found someone who I really click with. It's pretty amazing when I think about it. I wouldn't have this if I were sticking to local IRL men. I'm not ashamed of finding someone online. I found someone and I'm really happy. If you find love, you find love. It doesn't matter so much how you got there.

Besides, you'd be surprised how many people meet online now. My clergy was telling me last month that it's a new normal.

gtw1983
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30 Jun 2011, 11:28 am

Erisad wrote:

1. "The men on dating sites are rapists. You can't expect to find anyone good on there. If they were good men, they would have found a girlfriend in their own area." (Mom said this one).

2. "Psssh, there aren't any REAL girls on dating sites."

3. "Everyone lies about their age on dating sites. They're all 40-something year olds prowling on teens." (Yes, my mom said this one too)

4. "Why would a guy be willing to drive so far to meet you? He must be up to something bad." (Actual quote).

And I'll let you guys come up with the rest. Feel free to disprove these with facts and examples at your leisure.

My friend and his fiancee met on a dating site,so he at least partially disproves the list.While theirs is a success story they definitely can't speak for everyone.
I actually think online dating is a lot safer than going to a bar or nightclub.And it's certainly a lot more Aspie friendly

For one I think if someone is silly enough to physically meet someone they met on a online dating service without first having a phone or web cam chat,they are partially responsible for what may happen to them.At least you can talk with a person online that is likely to have varying idea's and priorities.

The majority of the time if you hook up with someone in a nightclub or bar,sex or other kinds of hanky panky is the top thing on their mind.

Erisad
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30 Jun 2011, 11:30 am

abaisse wrote:

Try telling that to my mom. She won't buy it. She would rather have me die bitter and alone than have me meet someone from the internet because, "it's for your own good." She just wants me to end up like her.

I know online dating is okay. My last bf was from the internet. I was just at college at the time so I could meet him without my mom knowing. But now it's too late. I graduated and now I'll be alone forever because of my overbearing c**t of a mother. I hate her so much. I wish she knew how much I'm suffering because of her. :cry:

Erisad
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30 Jun 2011, 11:32 am

gtw1983 wrote:

Erisad wrote:

I know. My friend met her fiance online too. But that doesn't matter to my mom. She doesn't think I'd make it back from the date alive. Frankly, I wouldn't mind getting murdered. At least I wouldn't be suffering under her tyranny anymore. :cry:

OddFinn
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30 Jun 2011, 11:53 am

Erisad wrote:

Some of them can't be disproved, because they are somewhat true. There are risks, but similar risks exist in any method of finding another person.

Quote:

1. "The men on dating sites are rapists. You can't expect to find anyone good on there. If they were good men, they would have found a girlfriend in their own area." (Mom said this one).

It's like saying "all the good men are taken already." But rapists? Seriously? I think you are more likely to end up with a rapist if you pick a guy up at a night club.

Quote:

2. "Psssh, there aren't any REAL girls on dating sites."

3. "Everyone lies about their age on dating sites. They're all 40-something year olds prowling on teens." (Yes, my mom said this one too)

Now these two are easy to disprove. You are a real girl, right? And you don't lie about your age, right? You can disprove a theory that states "Every..." just by giving one example that is contrary.

Quote:

4. "Why would a guy be willing to drive so far to meet you? He must be up to something bad." (Actual quote).

And I'll let you guys come up with the rest. Feel free to disprove these with facts and examples at your leisure.

So what is the real problem with your mother? Does she want to arrange a guy for you? Or is she secretly planning on having an online profile of her own, and she is projecting her own fears to you?

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Erisad
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30 Jun 2011, 12:00 pm

Oh I'm not allowed to go to night clubs. I have to be just like her and meet a man at church. I HATE Christianity. She does this on purpose to ensure that I'm alone forever. :/

She'd set me up with a "good christian boy." Basically a boring person with a hatred for gay people. She won't use an online dating site either because that's what dad used to find all his wives after her. She also feels she's too fat and ugly to meet anyone so she's given up. Frankly, she's too big of a b***h to meet anyone and is so materialistic that a sane man would run away on sight.

gtw1983
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30 Jun 2011, 12:01 pm

Erisad wrote:

gtw1983 wrote:

Erisad wrote:

Well what would she say if you told her you were going to a bar or nightclub?
Because if she's alright with that and not online dating,I cannot even begin to understand her thought processes.

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30 Jun 2011, 12:03 pm

Erisad wrote:

1- You can tell her that online dating sites gives one a huge pool of candidates and maybe men on that site dont like the kind of girls they meet at work/parties/bars,etc because they dont share their interests. Online one can find someone relatively quickly in comparison. The rape comment is just her being ignorant. I'd remind her she's in the 21st century now.

2- Really? So her own daughter isn't 'real' ?

3- Its known to happen people lying about their age... and no, 40 year olds prowling on teens arent in those sites; they frequent teen websites and chat sites (thats where police catches almost all of them).

4- I drove 3 hours to a different city to meet a girl with whom I had chatted online for months. If she had not moved to a different state I would probably be married to her by now.

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30 Jun 2011, 12:04 pm

Bars and clubs are out of the question. So basically I have to magically meet a man without going to a club or bar or using the internet. I don't think meeting one at work is a good idea because it carries the potential of ruining my job. And since I can't drive, whenever I'm out anywhere else, I'm with my mom, brother or grandma. Basically, no way a man will ever approach me. They have it designed this way on purpose. I'm sure it's because they don't want me spreading my AS around but I really want to be a mom someday. I've dreamed of it since I was little and the fact that they're trying so hard to keep me from it really hurts. They hate me. I know they do. I wish they'd just kill me and put me out of my misery. :cry:

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