How to improve your chances with women.

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Not all women are the same, but there are tendencies (of how a lot of NT women behave and what interests them in a guy) that you can go by.

First of all, if you're awkward (which obviously we all are) there's no sense trying to hide it. But you can lessen it.

1.)If you have any excessive depression problems, get rid of those via cognitive therapy and/or medication. No woman likes a downer, as has been proven by the women on this site. Even those with low self-esteem themselves seek out a guy who isn't like them.

2,)Maximize your physical appearance. What I mean is, if you're out of shape, lose the weight, or as much as possible. If you have a bad haircut or bad style, seek opinions of those you can count on for giving you brutal, constructive criticism. This stuff doesn't matter to every woman...and yes, I know you see plenty of unkempt or sub par looking men with women...but they have the above average social skills to compensate. As an awkward man, you need any advantage you can get.

3.)Be open to a lot of women. We all have things that don't attract us no matter what...but other than that, be open to all possibilities. I read a post on here with a guy showing a picture of his dream girl and saying "That's who I want, only with bigger boobs." (And her boobs were big to begin with.) A lot of the "ideal" is just having too much time to fantasize and think about what you potentially want in partner. When you're actually in the dating game, most of that stuff goes out the window, and no girlfriend wants to be compared to some ideal. They want to be the ideal.

4.)If you're too shy to talk to any women in person, make online female friends. Once again, don't have to be a certain look...just get to know them (if they're open to getting to know you), talk to them like you would a guy friend (leaving out excessive sex talk of course) and don't be timid with them. Even online, they can see which guy is trying too hard and which guy is treating her like she's anyone else. If you build enough rapport, meet her. Even if it doesn't result in a girlfriend, at the very least you'll have made a new friend or learned how to interact with a woman on a first meeting.

5.)Know that a lot of NT women go on emotions. It's more about how you make them feel. You ever hear from a girl "I'm not feeling it?" The way some men go ga-ga over a girl simply over her looks...a lot of women do the same thing with a guy. She likes his look and the "idea" of him and her emotions overtake logic even if he's bad for her. (Disclaimer: I know a lot of men do the same thing, too,) Just realize it's likely nothing you did. She just wasn't feeling it.

6.)If your special interests don't appeal to the average person, don't talk about them with women. I'm not saying to pretend to be someone you aren't, but I am saying there is a time and a place for it.

7.)If a woman that you aren't dating or sleeping with is telling you about her problems, it means that you're essentially in the friend zone. She views you as understanding like one of her female friends. If you sense she's just using you for a shoulder to cry on, a cab, etc., just cut her off. No explanation necessary. If it's a true friend but you find her bringing her problems to you, tell her simply "Maybe you should be talking to one of your girl friends about this." She will respect you and treat you like a potential dating interest.

Some of you might be reading number 1 or 2 and thinking "It's not fair...yada yada yada." If you're still in the men vs. women stage, you aren't ready to date, let alone have a girlfriend.

Getting rid of the depression and low self-esteem will also help the awkwardness to a degree, making you more appealing to women. Improving your style, even if people don't notice, it can't hurt. The reason you see not-so-good-looking guys or guys with no style with pretty women is because they have great social skills. As someone with sub-par social skills, you need to be tighter.

If you don't want to take steps 1 and 2, you don't want a girlfriend bad enough.

And if you're at step 3...be honest with yourself. How good looking are you? What kind of woman would you realistically be paired up with both looks-wise and personality-wise? (Much different than what you ideally want.) It's not like in the movies where the ugly awkward guy wins the hot girls heart. Most couples, in the end, all things being equal (no money or fame or social status involved) are two people that are similar in physical appearance, lifestyle and personality. (Unless, like I said, the guy just has a great, life of the party personality.) Next time you're at a mall, look at the couples...and you'll find that most couples are pretty similar in physical attractiveness.

I know I said I wouldn't make any more posts like this, but I felt this could be beneficial since it doesn't involve women-bashing or a condescending attitude.

I, myself, am awkward, but I'm having more luck going for the cute introvert or goofy NT girl as opposed to the hot girl with the perfect body that I wished I had in high school.

It's your job to be honest with yourself, where you fit on the scale, and what kind of woman would realistically work with you.

Yeah, good advice, except 7. I don't actually mind actually being friends with some women and actually being emotionally supportive of them. It's kinda cold telling them to piss off and tell them to talk to they girlfriends.

Well let me clarify about 7. If all you want out of it is friendship, that's fine. I'm talking about if deep down, you wish she wanted you as more than a friend...listening to what men she's dating and going shopping with her isn't going to make her want you.

I'm 100% behind this list, including #7. Niles is qualifying this statement a bit, which I think is good -- obviously you don't want to dump all of your female friends. But when you find time and time again that you are the shoulder to cry on, but never considered as a romantic option -- time to break it off, if you have different expectations than she does. It's being fair to both parties, because really, does that woman want a friendship with a guy who has motives that differ from her own? And if she does, what does that say about her own motives and values?

Maybe I've come to the wrong message board and I apologise first, but was browsing at this related-message board.

I was or am still friends with a female colleague where I work. For eight months, we used to chat everyday on instant messaging, but since a personal friend came to work two months ago, increased workload (even working from hone in the evenings) and she also has two other girl friends, my friendship has now been reduce to just acquaintancy level. We used to share secrets with each other and everything. She knows I have a witty sense of humour.

But now, I feel let down, though at the same time, she is friends with other people (mostly girls). But I feel neglected, isolated and put to the history books. She even told me she converted from one faith to another (her friends are not aware of this). She even suggested I sell her favourite brand of tea on an aution website. Sometimes if we see each other in sight, she would smile and wave and I would in return. She knows I have dyslexia and aspergers and that I get lonely. But I don't want to make it out she has to make the effort to talk to me first because I am alone.

Outside of work, I have my YouTube friends, but not in real life. My former friends disown me because they got married and make fun of my learning disability and THEY feel no woman wants to accept me for who I am.

The list is ok, but #7 confuses me. After you expanded on it it made a little more sense, but as a woman, if a guy I considered a friend just pushed me away and said "you should be talking with a girlfriend about this" I'd be very confused and hurt. I'd have no way of knowing that he would prefer being romantically involved with me. I'd even be more hurt because it assumes I have girlfriends to turn to, which I don't. It's sort of like getting friend-dumped.

All of this seems so complicated and NT-ish (as in socially elaborate) to me.

Terrific list, I am a strong believer that we should probably strive to be above-average in physical condition, style, grooming, etc.. At least being the best that we can possibly be, not only does it make you seem more valuable, but the real benefit is the self-confidence it engenders.

Anyone can do this, there are no excuses.

In terms of being open to different kinds of women, I can't seem to get over this "aesthetic compatibility" thing - she may be a terrific match, but if for some reason I think we would look "odd" together, and I am sick and tired of being odd-looking, I can't bring myself o take it to the next level. It is especially difficult for me because I look about 10 years younger than I am, so it seems like when I am with a woman my own age people think
I am dating my mother.

Very difficult to get over this, but I really need to if I am to have a realistic chance...

It's a good list and I think starting the friendship online and then moving to real life could be a good strategy. I've been stung by #7 so many times - I need to put my foot down next time it happens.

And now I think going after the most physically attractive woman will backfire on me - I need to look at things from a personality and inner appearance aspect.

interesting list. some good advice here

number 7... i can tell you from experience as a female that being friend-zoned does not necessarily kill all possibility of a future relationship. many of my boyfriends and sex partners were close friends first. but... if i had thought that they were only friends with me because they wanted to have sex with me or date me... THAT would absolutely destroy any chances. so be careful with how that sort of situation is handled.

number 3 is incredibly important. i don't think men need to start dating women they find repulsive, but perhaps some open-mindedness in getting to know some girls that are not "ideal" or "perfect" would be a good thing. love grows with time, and when you are falling in love, the object of your affection appears more and more beautiful in your eyes. besides... looks change and fade with time.

number 1 is seems like asolid advice. fix your problems first, and you will not only become more attractive to females, but rejection will become less horrible. you are less likely to be hamstrung by rejection if you are standing on a strong base. number 5 follows that same line of thinking.

number 6 is sort of variable. i find confidence really. really attractive. and by confidence, i don't mean arrogance or outspokenness. i mean the internal certainty that a man exudes when he is good at something or knowledgeable about something. i can become entranced by a man speaking of the train schedules at union station, or a man who can fix an RC helicopter. as long as he involves me in the discussion and tries not to talk AT me, it can be really hot.

I'm not suggesting to drop your standards altogether. I'm suggesting to be realistic and think "Would this woman and I look like a match in public?" This isn't the movies, where the hot girl falls in love with the ugly awkward guy for his inner beauty.

I'm also suggesting for all Aspies to give up on conventionally hot women...the type that were popular in high school or that even your impotent grandfather would check out. It's not going to happen. When you see a less than hot guy with a woman like that, he's likely very social or he has money, and if you have money I'm sure you don't want a woman just using you for that.

I'm also suggesting to be honest with yourself where you fit on the looks scale and find an according woman. If you have a less-than-average face and are overweight, find a woman that is your equivalent.

For average or above average looking Aspies...look for that cute, shy girl at the bookstore. That way, you get enough physical attraction but also similar personalities.

I think there is a direct correlation between introverted men with low self-esteem and depression and wanting a girlfriend. (Disclaimer: I'm not saying the only guys that would ever want a girlfriend are clouded by low self-esteem and depression.) However, from what I noticed on this board and other boards, they seem to have false idea of what a relationship entails.

A few years ago when I was still depressed, I told a girl I was talking to online about my problems, and she told me that it would turn most women off at this age because they're looking for fun. I didn't understand what she meant at the time, but after being around women, now I do. Contrary to what the media wants you to believe, young women want a fun, confident guy that they can share memories with and go out with on weekends and stuff like that.

I have an online friend (who I've met before in person too) that's been dating a guy for over a year. She mentioned how eventually she wants to move to LA. I asked her what the bf thought about that. She said 'I don't want to think about that now. Him and I aren't permanent, we're just having fun, and when the time comes, we'll discuss it." This is a very high-class woman, too.

This mythical girlfriend for the depressed, LSE Aspie male, doesn't exist. And the irony is, if he took care of his mental health, he likely wouldn't want a girlfriend for that reason anyway. If he still wanted a girlfriend, it would be to share her company and to enjoy being around a woman.

This is why I've always stressed taking care of your mental health...any depression, self-esteem problems, first. It's not healthy to obsess over wanting a girlfriend. It makes perfect logical sense...you see guys at a young age in high school walking around with a girl holding hands,and you see in on tv and the movies, and it makes you want it even more, and you begin to question yourself for not being able to get a girlfriend. But when you obsess over it, you end up like Sodini or like a member formerly on the board in his 40s who was banned for blaming all of his problems on life over women.