Not sure what to do...

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I've never been in any kind of relationship before, and for ages I've wanted to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. However, I feel that no one could really be attracted to me. My main form of stimming is admittedly quite self-destructive, and has left my skin in the worst possible condition (I've been trying to stop, but it's easier said than done). On top of that, I just don't see myself as attractive, and severe anxiety problems have also left me practically agoraphobic.

My sister told me today that a boy I once met (also diagnosed with AS) was apparently "asking about me", as he is now single. She said that she'd try to set us up, but I'm not sure if I could cope. Going out is very hard and stressful for me, and I feel that it would be just as hard for a boy to put up with me, as it would for me to be with him.

I really want to fall in love, but I think anyone who wanted to go out with me would have to be extremely patient and understanding, and I feel almost guilty about getting someone else to put up with me. I know he must have thought I was at least okay when he last met me, but my sister had put makeup on me then, so I looked quite different from how I normally look, and my anxiety problems weren't nearly as bad then as they are now. On the other hand, though, I'm worried that I might not get a chance like this again, and I do like him, so basically I don't know what to do about all this.

It's not your problem whether he can put up with you or not. He will figure that one out on his own. If he wants a relationship, you can't go about saving him from you. Go for it.

Hi,

If he is AS too, he will surely understand your situation.

If something goes wrong when you'll met him, don't try to hide what's not working, just talk to him about that, you will feel better and if he really care about you, he will understand and he will help you.

If he talked about you to your sister, I think it's positive, don't miss your chance !



Don't think like that, just open your mind and you'll find others situations like that.

Good Luck !

Well lets see, he has actually gone to the effort of asking about you, which would suggest that he must really be interested, especially since he apparently has AS which would make doing that rather difficult for him.

The main problem is that you are already getting your hopes up and then shooting yourself down. I wouldn't be overconfident because then you are liable for extra disappointment if you misread the situation, but neither should you be self defeating either as your negativity will be projected and you wont seem attractive. You need to have some pride in yourself, dont think you are useless if he says no, think it's his loss for missing out on you. Being confident and individual is ultimately more attractive than anything else, some men will not like independant women, but these guys are mostly dominant control freaks who aren't exactly good long term relationship material.

Your sister seems supportive so get her to set something up and get her to doll you up a bit, which will help your self confidence, it might work out, it might not, either way it's a step out from the hole you are probably in now. If you dont try anything now you will regret it later, the sooner you try and break that psychological barrier of the first relationship the better.