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I don't know how to react

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SPKx
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03 Jul 2011, 12:03 am

There's a female friend who I went to school with, who is essentially my "movie buddy" (i.e. we regularly went to the movies together). I think that she preferred that the relationship remain platonic, but I still had feelings for her that I just kept to myself.

In a very sudden turn of events, she has literally gone to being single one day, to being in a relationship the next. This has kind of caught me off guard and I have no idea how to react.

I suppose I am happy for her, but I also have an immense feeling of sadness. Even though I knew we were platonic, it doesn't make me any less disappointed in how I let another one slip away.

I don't know how our friendship would be affected. I kind of feel like keeping my distance for the time being, since I don't want to be a third wheel or anything like that. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time.



Chronos
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03 Jul 2011, 12:39 am

SPKx wrote:
There's a female friend who I went to school with, who is essentially my "movie buddy" (i.e. we regularly went to the movies together). I think that she preferred that the relationship remain platonic, but I still had feelings for her that I just kept to myself.

In a very sudden turn of events, she has literally gone to being single one day, to being in a relationship the next. This has kind of caught me off guard and I have no idea how to react.

I suppose I am happy for her, but I also have an immense feeling of sadness. Even though I knew we were platonic, it doesn't make me any less disappointed in how I let another one slip away.

I don't know how our friendship would be affected. I kind of feel like keeping my distance for the time being, since I don't want to be a third wheel or anything like that. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time.


I'm generally of the opinion that if one has feelings for someone and they aren't sure if those feelings are reciprocated, they should reveal those feelings, and if they aren't reciprocated and they really can't just be friends (as in not have those feelings anymore) then they should distance themselves.

I suppose that's irrelevant now, but the course of action is the same. You should distance yourself.



KenM
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03 Jul 2011, 5:40 am

SPKx wrote:

In a very sudden turn of events, she has literally gone to being single one day, to being in a relationship the next.



When I was in high school and college, some girls I was interested in would let me down "easy" by telling me they were not ready to get into a realtionship. Next day they introduce me to there new boyfriend.

Feels great, don't it?


I'd distance myself from her until you can sort out your feelings.



anna-banana
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03 Jul 2011, 6:56 am

don't be a selfish a-hole. keep your feelings to yourself and let her be happy. then get over her asap.


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SPKx
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03 Jul 2011, 10:25 am

anna-banana wrote:
don't be a selfish a-hole. keep your feelings to yourself and let her be happy. then get over her asap.


Thanks for being "sensitive" to my situation. Sheesh!

I want to re-emphasize that she was always a friend first. My feelings for her were just an after-product of us spending so much time together. I do not wish that it was me that was in the relationship instead, but I still can't ignore the fact that I am somewhat heartbroken as a result.



Gwenwyn
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03 Jul 2011, 10:30 am

I've had similar experiences (though obviously with the opposite gender!) I find that, if you fear you cannot be genuinely happy for your friend while you are around them, it is kindest to withdraw from their life until you are balanced enough to be a true friend to them. If its something that came up - for instance, if she asked why you're not around as much - it would pay to be honest: "I'm glad you've found someone that makes you happy, but the situation brought up difficult emotions for me that I'd like to sort out. I want to be a good friend to you, and I also need to take care of myself' or something along those lines.



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03 Jul 2011, 10:49 am

Gwenwyn wrote:
I've had similar experiences (though obviously with the opposite gender!) I find that, if you fear you cannot be genuinely happy for your friend while you are around them, it is kindest to withdraw from their life until you are balanced enough to be a true friend to them. If its something that came up - for instance, if she asked why you're not around as much - it would pay to be honest: "I'm glad you've found someone that makes you happy, but the situation brought up difficult emotions for me that I'd like to sort out. I want to be a good friend to you, and I also need to take care of myself' or something along those lines.

these could be my exact words. in the past i've had friends who i developed romantic feelings for. once i realised that those feelings were one-sided and that they had started dating other people, i needed space to breathe and regroup. friendships don't always recover from that, i think. but it is worth being honest and the friendship may be salvageable.


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anna-banana
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03 Jul 2011, 11:25 am

SPKx wrote:
anna-banana wrote:
don't be a selfish a-hole. keep your feelings to yourself and let her be happy. then get over her asap.


Thanks for being "sensitive" to my situation. Sheesh!

I want to re-emphasize that she was always a friend first. My feelings for her were just an after-product of us spending so much time together. I do not wish that it was me that was in the relationship instead, but I still can't ignore the fact that I am somewhat heartbroken as a result.


what I meant was - you'd be a selfish a-hole to tell her now. but you didn't, so you're cool :P

heartbreak is actually something that absolutely should be ignored. that's the way forward, man! good luck!


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