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donkey77
Butterfly
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 15

07 Jul 2011, 4:32 pm

My bf is an aspie and we have been having it rough for a while. I actually almost left last month because of some drama. So, I found some items today, another girl's name written over and over, and some other items that make some of his answers turn into lies, and I'm wondering if we just need a break? I was thinking a month and no communication at all. We are getting close to the end of our lease and so that means signing another year lease soon. I know I need to get away and breathe because I have such low self esteem right now and I need to reclaim myself. Will this help him at all? What do you think? I know he will not like the idea but I really think he needs to decide if he really wants me in his life. I dont want to be a tag along waiting to see if his interest is sparked again. Can he do this on a break or will it be too depressing for him? I know what I need but if I have to cut it down to 2 weeks I will. Thoughts please.



NTalyssa
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Joined: 2 Jul 2011
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09 Jul 2011, 2:42 am

My thoughts are that breaks generally don't work. Everyone I know who has gone on a break, they end up getting back together for a couple reasons:
1. "No one else loves me" - they don't end up dating someone else right away, or the other person doesn't, and so they go back to what they know and is routine.
2. "I haven't been single in so long, and I don't know how to be alone anymore." This is a scary change in a looooot of my friends' lives, so they end up going back to routine.
From what you said.. I think breaking up might be better than "a break." Breaks are confusing unless you set a lot of rules. Ie. Are you allowed to date other people? What about kissing other people? Further than kissing? Giving out numbers? Who will stay where? Are there any pets? Holidays coming up? Do you have mutual friends that you often hang out together with? No communication, or communication on certain days about certain topics? Etc.
I say breakup only because of this line:
"I know I need to get away and breathe because I have such low self esteem right now and I need to reclaim myself. "
If you're unable to breathe and reclaim yourself within that relationship, why do it outside of the relationship only to put yourself back in and crush it again? Why not reclaim yourself and find someone who KNOWS they want you in their life, and are willing to keep you there?
You also said "Can he do this on a break or will it be too depressing for him?" What about you? You seem to having thought about leaving, and clearly taking a break. I'm not saying this isn't painful to you - but you're caring more about if it will be too much for him. I think the best thing is to focus on you in this situation and what will it be like if you do get back together? Will you be able to trust him after his lies? What if his interest in you dies again? What if your self-esteem drops again?
Some people are just not meant to be together - doesn't make you or him a bad person. Don't make it hurt any less. But sometimes people just don't fit.
Hope that helps, and that it works out in a way that you're happy with.