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Obessive Crushes

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Ai_Ling
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09 Jul 2011, 8:39 pm

Does anyone know an effective way to get over an obsessive crush? I mean from the past, me getting over them typically involves very painful methods such as them getting gfs and/or them getting really mad at me and nearly cutting me off. Then I'll be depressed for several weeks to a month. Then finally I get over it. I mean I get so obsessed, every little thing good or bad completely magnifies itself in my head. So Im basically on a rollercoaster. This guy, I considered temporarily cutting him off till the end of the summer but then hes a friend in person. I cant just cut him off, it'll seem a bit weird. I just know this is unhealthy.

Its like how do I prevent obsessive crushes? Anyone know an effective way?



chrissyrun
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09 Jul 2011, 9:14 pm

*Find what's bad about them
*Get a new crush
*Find something to do with your time
*Realize that they probably don't feel that way

Those are all my ideas.



Bosun117
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09 Jul 2011, 9:56 pm

chrissy, the phrase "get a new crush" is much harder than it sounds. I tend to form obsessive crushes myself, and they absolutely suck, especially when you know the person you're crushing on as a friend.

Getting a healthy hobby is an excellent way to cope. I, for instance, do exhibition rifle drill as a hobby, which requires a lot of concentration to do properly, thereby aiding me in forgetting my obsessive crushes. Drills rifles, I have found, are more predictable than women :help:



chrissyrun
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09 Jul 2011, 10:41 pm

Bosun117 wrote:
chrissy, the phrase "get a new crush" is much harder than it sounds. I tend to form obsessive crushes myself, and they absolutely suck, especially when you know the person you're crushing on as a friend.

Getting a healthy hobby is an excellent way to cope. I, for instance, do exhibition rifle drill as a hobby, which requires a lot of concentration to do properly, thereby aiding me in forgetting my obsessive crushes. Drills rifles, I have found, are more predictable than women :help:


I know, and it probably wouldn't help much either...I was just brainstorming.

However, the hobby thing was right.
And men are JUST as unpredictable as women.



pree10shun
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09 Jul 2011, 10:44 pm

The only thing I find helpful is talking and getting to know the crush... once you know something about them.. it slowly disappears.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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09 Jul 2011, 11:26 pm

pree10shun wrote:
The only thing I find helpful is talking and getting to know the crush... once you know something about them.. it slowly disappears.


Sometimes that just makes it worse. :?


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pree10shun
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09 Jul 2011, 11:29 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
pree10shun wrote:
The only thing I find helpful is talking and getting to know the crush... once you know something about them.. it slowly disappears.


Sometimes that just makes it worse. :?


The obsession gets worse yes. but then when the guy doesn't treat me all that important I just stop and it seems to wear off... but it could just be me :shrug:



MyDogSasha
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09 Jul 2011, 11:48 pm

Bosun117 wrote:
chrissy, the phrase "get a new crush" is much harder than it sounds. I tend to form obsessive crushes myself, and they absolutely suck, especially when you know the person you're crushing on as a friend.

Getting a healthy hobby is an excellent way to cope. I, for instance, do exhibition rifle drill as a hobby, which requires a lot of concentration to do properly, thereby aiding me in forgetting my obsessive crushes. Drills rifles, I have found, are more predictable than women :help:


i think thats the best way.



Ai_Ling
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10 Jul 2011, 12:32 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
pree10shun wrote:
The only thing I find helpful is talking and getting to know the crush... once you know something about them.. it slowly disappears.


Sometimes that just makes it worse. :?


Oh yeah for me it does. See I always need to get to know my crushes better so I do. I push and push my way into their lives as a friend. Then I bug them too much, they get fed up with me, I get hurt and depressed, then sometimes we usually become platonic friends once Im over them. Right now I have 6 guy friends. 3 of them I used to have crushes on and 1 of them I have a crush on now. Nice to know how I make guy friends.

At this point, I think Im just gonna try not to think of him.

As for finding a hobby well, gotta see if I can keep busy somehow.



CaroleTucson
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10 Jul 2011, 12:10 pm

Are you referring to having the crush yourself, or being the object of one?

In the first case, no. In the second case, several times, including, at the moment, my ex-husband. I don't know why it happens. I don't encourage them, as far as I know. But I mostly think it doesn't really have anything to do with me, because these men (well, except for my ex) generally know nothing about me. They're crushing over some perception of their own. They've imagined some idea of what they think I am, but it's not based on reality.

Eventually what happens is they come to the realization that their crush isn't going anywhere, because I'm not what they imagined me to be (duh!). Sometimes they blame me for that. Or they blame me for rejecting them. Or they just demonize me in order to save face or something. All of those have happened in the past few years.

I don't know what connection this has to my AS, but somehow I feel it wouldn't happen if there was no AS.



mv
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10 Jul 2011, 12:15 pm

CaroleTucson wrote:
Are you referring to having the crush yourself, or being the object of one?

In the first case, no. In the second case, several times, including, at the moment, my ex-husband. I don't know why it happens. I don't encourage them, as far as I know. But I mostly think it doesn't really have anything to do with me, because these men (well, except for my ex) generally know nothing about me. They're crushing over some perception of their own. They've imagined some idea of what they think I am, but it's not based on reality.

Eventually what happens is they come to the realization that their crush isn't going anywhere, because I'm not what they imagined me to be (duh!). Sometimes they blame me for that. Or they blame me for rejecting them. Or they just demonize me in order to save face or something. All of those have happened in the past few years.

I don't know what connection this has to my AS, but somehow I feel it wouldn't happen if there was no AS.


This, exactly. This has happened to me a buncha times.

As for having obsessive crushes, I used to, in high school and college. What got me over them was getting to know more about them. Literally, with one former crush I met his fiancée and I thought to myself, "This? This is what you've been looking for your whole life, who you want to marry?" I lost so much adoration for him right there. We just need to see them as people.



Grisha
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10 Jul 2011, 12:45 pm

I don't think I can help - my crushes fizzle very quickly if they're not reciprocated - in fact I kind of wish they were a little more durable - one unanswered text/PM/e-mail/phone message/etc and I write the whole thing off and move on...



Ai_Ling
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10 Jul 2011, 4:59 pm

CaroleTucson wrote:
Are you referring to having the crush yourself, or being the object of one?

In the first case, no. In the second case, several times, including, at the moment, my ex-husband. I don't know why it happens. I don't encourage them, as far as I know. But I mostly think it doesn't really have anything to do with me, because these men (well, except for my ex) generally know nothing about me. They're crushing over some perception of their own. They've imagined some idea of what they think I am, but it's not based on reality.

Eventually what happens is they come to the realization that their crush isn't going anywhere, because I'm not what they imagined me to be (duh!). Sometimes they blame me for that. Or they blame me for rejecting them. Or they just demonize me in order to save face or something. All of those have happened in the past few years.

I don't know what connection this has to my AS, but somehow I feel it wouldn't happen if there was no AS.


Both, its very complicated. I wrote about this in another post. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt167091.html
To say it in the simplest manner, we both like each other. He knows kinda knows I like him. He's confused about liking me so he sends me mixed messages and gets frustrated at me when I show signs of affection in my messages. Im too scard to talk it to him cause Im afraid of scaring him off. I just graduated so Im far away from him so its best to get over him.



chrissyrun
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10 Jul 2011, 5:09 pm

CaroleTucson wrote:
Are you referring to having the crush yourself, or being the object of one?



Never been the object of an obsessive crush...don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. :scratch:



mv
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10 Jul 2011, 5:11 pm

chrissyrun wrote:
CaroleTucson wrote:
Are you referring to having the crush yourself, or being the object of one?



Never been the object of an obsessive crush...don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. :scratch:


It's a good thing. When it reaches the point of obsession, it's no longer about you as the person.



Ai_Ling
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10 Jul 2011, 6:04 pm

mv wrote:
chrissyrun wrote:
CaroleTucson wrote:
Are you referring to having the crush yourself, or being the object of one?



Never been the object of an obsessive crush...don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. :scratch:


It's a good thing. When it reaches the point of obsession, it's no longer about you as the person.


Oh yeah I definitely have to agree. I found out from another friend that even NT's have obsessive crushes. I really hope he isn't obsessed with me back, if he is then I can see that the problem is a hell of a lot more complicated then I thought.