I think I love somebody in a relationship!

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Rasta
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16 Jul 2011, 3:15 am

So let's just get this straight, I was practically asexual (except a bit of flirting and cuddling)... because I wasn't sure my dream girl existed in this galaxy slash dimension.

But now I have the feeling that she does, only I'm not sure if I have any chance with her or she just wants to be friends.

Basically,
So if you feel like your in love with a girl u met online, it feels like she's flirting with you but you don't know 100% because English is her second language... she wants you to come visit her in another country... also wants to teach you her language (which I wanted to learn anyways).

But her relationship status says in a relationship!! but IDK if it's serious, or what a normal guy would do in this situation... because I don't know anything about relationships. Also she always compliments me and makes kiss lips & roses on MSN.

she said that she was thinking about me, and she thought i was a really nice person.
____

Any tips? Should I just act like a friend and see where it goes from there...? Should I try hard not to think about her as anything beyond a friend, since that might be weakening myself ie: creating a bad pattern of thought.



FreedQuill
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16 Jul 2011, 5:20 am

Firstly, it doesn't matter what someone else might do. What matters is what you should do.

Now, as much as it may disappoint you to consider this possibility, "she" is unlikely to be a real person.

If "she" isn't, then this does actually sound an awful lot like a Nigerian scam. "She" could very well be 180 kg worth of hairy macho trouble, part of an organised crime gang (such as the Russiyan Mafiya, Japanese Yakuza, etc) and if you travel to "her" country, once there, you would be very vulnerable.

Nigerian scams are not always practised from Nigeria (they were only invented there) and my guess is that if you do go to see "her", you'll find your passport taken and your loved ones being sent a ransom demand for your return.

In the unlikely event that "she" is not a scammer, and she is real (and how would you know, given the fact that she is online?) then you need to think about her relationship status.

If I see that someone is involved, I steer clear. If she is real, but prepared to meet with you and betray her current partner, then that suggests she would be prepared to do the same to you.

Further, even if she is planning on ending her relationship, how can you respect her without respecting her relationship? What sort of love is possible without respect?

And is she the sort of person who takes commitment so lightly? Is that really the sort of woman to whom you'd like to give your heart?

She would first need to end the relationship, then it would make a lot of good sense to let her have time to deal with the psychological effects of that. Rushing in from one relationship to another suggests something VERY unhealthy.

Perhaps she is addicted to relationships.

For all you know, IF she is real (a very big "if") she may be trying to escape a very violent relationship, placing you in the firing line. In a worst case scenario, that firing line may be literally true.

For you to avoid the misery of being her "rebound" (not a pleasant experience) she would need a reasonable time to get over a relationship. You would be getting yourself into a relationship doomed to fail. Rebound relationships rarely work.

I know it can get very lonely, but I see nothing but alarm bells ringing about this "lady".

If I were a gambler, I'd lay odds of at least 100:1 that "she" is a scammer.

Don't bite this bait. I am certain you will regret it.

Take care!


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Chronos
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16 Jul 2011, 6:14 am

If I were a guy I would generally be incredibly skeptical of a foreign girl who wants me to come to her native country so she can teach me her language.



abaisse
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16 Jul 2011, 12:01 pm

I would try to get to know her a lot longer as friends. There's something "off" about it.

Regarding FB, you should simply ask. There are people who don't edit their Facebook profile at all. It could be an old status that was never changed. I have a friend with an "about me" section that is so outdated that pretty much none of it applies to them anymore.

It's good information to have. If she IS in a relationship and can still be super flirty with you, that wouldn't be a person I want as my partner.