How to tell parents about bf?

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So for about two weeks now I've been messaging/emailing/texting nick007. I haven't been involved in a romantic type relationship in more than three years. I feel like it's about time for me to tell my parents about us. I don't know how to bring up the subject with my parents at all. I'm totally clueless. I'm afraid if I make too big of a deal about it, they're more likely to freak out. A few of the reasons I imagine my parents being concerned about are the age difference (a bit more than 9 years), the fact that we met online, and that he lives far away (or they could see that as a good thing, I'm not sure). Seeing as Nick and I don't live in the same state, we're trying to arrange a meet-up in the near future, but we both agree that I need to tell my parents about the relationship first. Does anyone have any suggestions?

How old are you?

19, he's 28. Also I don't live at home, so in theory I don't have to tell them at all for a while, but I don't like keeping big secrets like this from them.

Last edited by Megz on 18 Jul 2011, 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nick is 28. Do the math.


Op, I can't think of any way to tell your parents and have it end well. Just try not to cause a fight over it.

Am I supposed to memorize the user's ages? lol Anyways, thanks.

9 years of difference is fine since you're both adults.

I'm kind of worried they might have a fight about it. I understand that a 19year-old girl meeting a 28year-old guy she met online could be seen as creepy & dangerous & I would be concerned myself if I knew a 19year-old girl who was meeting a different 28year-old guy. I really like her thou & I don't feel like I'm talking to someone who's a lot younger than me. I would really like to have her parents approve because I do NOT want to cause any problems between em & I do NOT want to risk having her get hurt or anything sense I am a bit older.

I'm sure if the parents had a chance as I have of seeing your maturity and how good a person you are they'd be happy to have their daughter date you.

Wow - I can't see what the problem is, but then again I wouldn't. I (having Asperger's) am married to a man 17 years older than me (NT with accentuated AS traits) while my own mother (NT with scattered Aspie traits) is living long-term with a man 13 years younger than her (a textbook Aspie). Our two spouses are only 3 years apart in age, and we never had any trouble over it, and neither me nor her has ever thought of the other's hubby in any other way that friendly, neither have the men themselves.

Things just happen, we go along with it, there's no need to fuss over age matters. 9 years age difference, it is perfecty acceptable, and don't even think about the stupid by the half plus 7 rule. Especially for people on the spectrum.

Last edited by Severus on 18 Jul 2011, 4:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I read nicks response as well and this is for the both of you. It would seem to me before you begin saying that your in a romantic relationship that you should really spend a lot more time in person. now for megz, No there probably isnt any way that you will be able to tell your parents that you want to date a 28 yr old man and not have them mad at you, so i would reccomend just staying friends with him for a couple more yrs, and when you are older and more mature, and your in college etc, you will be making your own decisions, and you can decide for yourself whether you want to be in a relationship with this man, and if you want to go across state to see him and be with him. nick is a 28 yr old man and is much more independent and has much more free will to date whoever he wants, but your a young girl who still relies on their parents and you need to consider that in a logical sense that your stil relying on their funding and therefor they have control over you, once you gain independency then you should do as you please , but again for the both of you, keep in mind you should know someone in person before you start making claims of love.

Megz will be starting her 2nd year of college soon & she is not living with her parents but I'm living with mine. I think she's more independent & less reliant on her parents than I am but she motivates me to want to be more independent & self-reliant

Horrible post beyond belief, in other term you're telling her to abandon him without any try. Don't listen to him, Megz. I only agree with the last sentence tho.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Jul 2011, 4:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Ok, now my turn, I think It's very early to worry about those stupid things right now.

Your first step should be actually meeting each others before anything else, online love is often delusional, so make sure it's not delusional before doing anything else.

wow, shes starting college already at 19? thats very impressive , thats a good sign that you two would be good for each other, fi she gives you something you dont have in life, then it makes the realtionship complete. i never said that you two should never date, i was only observing the posts and writing my opinion based on what i know from them and stating my opinion on the situation, if you would have said she was independent then i would have said differently , if she is independent then i say she should do as she pleases

i am not telling her to abondon him at all, most girls usually are still dependent on their parents and i was saying that if she was dependent she should listen to her parents until she is independent, and if she still wants to date him then she should be welcome to, but nick tells me she is independent therefor she has every right to do as she pleases, so i say, go for it you two and let love guide your way , and btw excuse me for stating my opinion, i was only trying to give helpful advice, i certainly am not perfect and of course my advice wont be the best, but i feel that its always good to try and give the best help you can

This is at least one point you could offer your parents as a hint Nick isn't some random creep. Random creeps are likely to urge you to keep things a secret "at least for now". The fact that he agrees you should tell them first is a concrete sign he isn't up to anything twisted. I won't say that guarantees they're going to like the idea, but it is at least something to calm their fears at least a little. And every little point helps build trust; you can't expect they're going to think he's the greatest guy on earth the moment you bring him up. Just the fact that you are both being upfront about it ought to at least convince them not to lose their heads, though. Unless they're the types to lose their heads over everything... In that case, I'm not sure what to tell you.

This^

Well said.

My ex-wife was 15 years younger and the difference in our ages was never an issue, we had plenty of other "issues" though...