Are Aspies better with NT partners?

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I've met other opposite genders with AS at social skills group training/meetings/practises/whatever and I really don't like to be around them. Which got me thinking that most NT people don't even like to be around me or other Aspies, since they think I'm very weird and never kissed a girl before so I'd probably never get to be with someone in my life which really depresses me.

But I've read alot of posts about Aspies dating NT people how do NT cope with our behaviour?

I don't think this is going to help much, but here goes:

I've definitely met men who are "too aspie" for me, and I beat myself up over this opinion (like I'm a self-hating Aspie or something ). I was forced from birth to live in the NT world, there was no Aspergers diagnosis when I was a kid, and I think I look for partners who have complementary skills to mine. I would love to meet a shy, geeky guy that still shows sexual interest in me, but I meet a lot of men who just can't connect and can't communicate and it turns me right off, even though I understand their difficulties both personally and intellectually. I'm not fabulous at these things either, but I try like hell and I keep trying. And, all in all, people just want to be noticed and wanted, I think. But it has to go both ways.

Then again, you've met one Aspie, and ... you've met one Aspie! There are many couples on this site, Aspie/Aspie couples, who've met their match. Even then, I'd be willing to bet that they have complementary personality traits and still show noticeable interest in each other.

Anytime someone tries to hone in on one group of people with prejudice notions, they feel like dirt after expectations are not met.

The funny thing is though once it is ingrained in that person's head that this one particular group is very suitable for them when one relationship fails they give that group another chance dismissing everyone else.

The lesson really is, there are some good people who are suitable for you in any group. It's really based on the individual rather than the group.

I am NT and my husband is Aspie. We've been together for 16 years. I am not going to say it's been easy, but we are very happy. We have a lot in common: we both like movies, 80s music, reading, grew up watching the same TV shows, have similar sense of humor. We have both changed go adjust to our partner, and we are OK with that. I try to keep my cool during his bad temper episodes, and he does the same for me. I am not perfect, you know? I think its all about giving and receiving.

My relationship with my NT gf has a lot of difficulties and she frequently reminds me of my shortcomings. On the plus side her sociability means I get out the house and forcefully see other people and do things, which gives me a lot of good memories.

I find memories are formed most strongly and are recalled most fondly when other people are in them. I would never have tried white water rafting or fishing or kayaking etc. if it wasn't for my gf arranging such trips, even though I love these things, as the lure of special interests overrides that.

I feel depressed a lot however and that's because I rarely have "me" time. I feel overstimulated every day and wonder how I'm going to cope for the rest of my life feeling like this. It seems my AS keeps getting worse as the overstimulation makes me zone out or stim, something I very rarely did a few years ago when I was single. I also worry whether my AS issues are a burden for her.

I have no idea whether an AS/AS relationship would be good as I've never been in one. I can envisage both positives (no overstimulation, more time for special interests) and negative (isolation, potentially missing out on social and group activities).

I see no rezone to think that a typical Aspie would be worse with another Aspie than how a typical NT would be worse with another NT. I've been in a relationship with an NT 8 years ago & spent lots of time sense trying to find another partner & I had no luck but bad trying with NTs. I'm in a relationship with an Aspie now & things are going a lot better than they ever did with NTs. I feel we are a lot more compatible & on the same level

I commend you and your partner for that. I unsuccessfully pursued somebody wouldn't so much as compromise on anything, everything had to be her way all the time. I was willing to adjust for her and improve myself if necessary, but she considered any attempt to do so an attempt to purposely deceive her. She told me she didn't trust herself not to cheat if she wasn't in control, if things weren't going 100% her way, or if there was something in the relationship that was beyond her control. She expected no burdens, inconveniences, change, or uncertainty in any relationship.

I am an NT female in a relationship with a man who has AS. We've been dating 8 months and we've encountered some of these difficulties, although when we compromise it's usually more on his side. We don't see one another all that much, especially since he's started working a lot, but he likes it that way. I'm definitely a more social person than him most of the time, so it's important for me to have a healthy social life outside of our relationship, because if I rely on him too much in this regard we both feel stress from it.

I was my boyfriend's first girlfriend - first kiss, etc., and I didn't care. I know that didn't bother me. But our relationship has had a lot of difficulties, especially regarding emotions and communication. Even for an NT, I'm really emotional, and we used to have an issue where, when I said "I feel ____", he'd tell me to prove it or back up what I was feeling with examples and quotes. Well, I couldn't do that - but at the time, he didn't understand that just because I can't explain exactly why I feel a certain way, it doesn't mean the emotion isn't real. So I stopped telling him my feelings unless I had evidence and proof of them, which made me bottle a lot in.

I also had issues with him wanting to be alone so much. I wanted to see him so much more than he wanted to see me, and it just made me feel unwanted. But just because he chooses to play video games at home alone instead of hang out with me, that doesn't mean he doesn't like me as much as he likes video games, it just means he wants time to do both, sometimes more to do one than the other, and I shouldn't take it personally. (That was another thing... a lot of issues were about me taking things personally that were just things he did, or me reading too much into his behavior when I should've taken it on the surface.)

I've dated NTs in the past, but I don't know anything about AS/AS relationships. I know two people with AS, one being my boyfriend and another being a mutual male friend of ours, so I can't help you there. However, I'm following this thread because I'm really interested in this topic (I mean, it's why I'm on WP in the first place!) I hope I haven't rambled too much!

I don't know about NT partners, but I've discovered in myself that I need and want someone who is highly expressive and emotional, someone who is forward and blunt. It is beyond frustrating when I have to try to sort out hints, innuendos, or the tilt of her head as to the current state of affairs.

A French Canadian friend and I puzzled out that my past relationships (not the best sample size, mind) worked best with women from Latin cultures (Spanish, French, Italian, etc). So it isn't even an NT/AS thing for me. It's more of an American/British culture vs fiery Latin culture.

I am sorry to hear that. But relationships ain't easy, specially nowadays. Today people do not want to compromise. They want all easy, taking and not giving. And most people do not take relationships seriously anymore. It's like appliances: if something starts failing or stops working just get a new one. People do the same with relationships: if something is going wrong, instead of trying to work it out, people just move on and try someone new. This is sad. Me and my husband we are weird. He was my first boyfriend. I did not want to have a boyfriend before because I was looking for someone serious. I was looking for the one. I did not want to fool around. My husband had 2 other girlfriends before me, and he was planning on going all the way with both of them, but things did not work out and they left him. I am sure you will find your "weirdo" some day. Just keep looking. And looking not with the eyes, but with the heart.

My first serious relationship, she came from a big family and there was always some family social thing to be dragged to. I felt I was forced into it and I resented her for it. At the time I did not know I had AS. IMO anytime someone forces you to do something its bad. Especially when the person forces you knows you don't like it. She knew I did not like it and kept doing it.

But you seem to enjoy socializing, so it works for you. But does not work for everyone.