Best Way To Ask Someone Out?

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ASPERGERSJOHN
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19 Jul 2011, 6:38 pm

I have never asked someone out before but i think i might do it in the near future what is the best way to ask someone out?
I have never done this before and it could affect the outcome.



ASPERGERSJOHN
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19 Jul 2011, 6:41 pm

When i say it could affect the outcome i feel the way i go about asking her out could affect the outcome and i obviously want as much chance as possible for the yes answer.



OneStepBeyond
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19 Jul 2011, 7:04 pm

that's a hard question in all its vagueness John. 'would you like to go out sometime?' might work



OddFiction
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19 Jul 2011, 7:22 pm

Standard these days (at least around here) is
"Would you like to meet for coffee sometime"
- You choose the place, let her choose the time and the "yes".
And it's an unimposing (ie - safe) environment you are suggesting (a public coffee shop is the understood implication) which are usually easy to access and are considered "cheap" - thus no relational obligation is implied by the price of the meal if you were to choose to pay for the snack/coffee (recommended).

Incidently, don't get a powdered donut to go with your coffee/tea/soda - white powder under your nose is a social blunder :P

PS- you CAN say "lets go out for coffee" even if neither of you drink coffee. It's the standard greeting and you don't have to specify "but Imma get chocolate milk not coffee, kay?" :twisted:


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blunnet
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19 Jul 2011, 7:29 pm

"Let's get drunk".

Really, that is one of the downsides of relationships, how to start one :P



Tequila
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19 Jul 2011, 7:31 pm

What kind of place do you want to meet the woman at? You need to keep it as informal as possible.



chrissyrun
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19 Jul 2011, 9:52 pm

I asked a guy out for a girl-ask-guy dance and I wrote a poem and gave cupcakes and said: it would be sweet f you'd go to teh dance with me.

Then I had my uncle deliver it to him, haha. It was fun.

You probably don't have to go to that extreme...but, the poem thing isn't too hard.
Maybe just write a short one, memorize it, and then say: "Hey, I wanna tell you something"

Idk, just ideas, that was the only experience I've had with the matter.



simon_says
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19 Jul 2011, 10:45 pm

Let's see.

Make sure you've already established some conversational comfort. Wait for a time when you are having a "good" conversation and feel like you've said something funny, or that it's going well in general. Then casually ask if she'd like to have coffee sometime / catch a movie (have one in mind) / go do something else specific. Specific is better than just "out".

Make the offer as casually as you possibly can. As if it just occurred to you. You don't want the vibe to be that you've been thinking about asking this all day.

If the answer is no, make light of it and don't hang around. You don't want to run but you don't want to hang. It's awkward for both sides.



AsteroidNap
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20 Jul 2011, 1:30 am

chrissyrun wrote:
I asked a guy out for a girl-ask-guy dance and I wrote a poem and gave cupcakes and said: it would be sweet f you'd go to teh dance with me.

Then I had my uncle deliver it to him, haha. It was fun.

You probably don't have to go to that extreme...but, the poem thing isn't too hard.
Maybe just write a short one, memorize it, and then say: "Hey, I wanna tell you something"

Idk, just ideas, that was the only experience I've had with the matter.


I used to do poems....all I can say is...don't do poems. In theory it's very romantic...in practice, it scares women away (unless you're both like 50 something, then it might be endearing again).



spongy
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20 Jul 2011, 1:59 am

The poem thing usually comes accross as needy/getting too attached too soon unless you are both characters of chick lit/a romcom so it scares most people away.

As for the best way to ask someone out I have had more success when I made a point on not coming accross as desperate.

For example lately it has been"hey, Im doing X on [insert day] would you like to join me" this makes clear that Im interested on them coming but it also gives a feeling that Im going to do it wether she joins me or not which makes it seem less desperate.



The_Walrus
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20 Jul 2011, 5:48 pm

Agree that poems are a bad idea. Just suggest doing something in public.

Women will very rarely turn down the chance to go clothes shopping, if you're desperate.