Great post, Tim!
1. What things do you consider to be cheating?
I don't consider flirting to be cheating. I would become offended and suspicious if I caught my husband flirting. In fact, I raise an eyebrow when a woman flirts with him (which happens often). I think that if he engaged in any affectionate or courting behavior. This stretches a subjective field of buying gifts to having sex. Yet, we're both on the same page, which is important so there isn't a lot of grey area. He has stricter ideas than I do. He would be very upset if I danced with another man while out with my friends, so even though he'd be none the wiser, I decline all offers out of respect and love for my spouse. We are monogamous, obviously.
2. Are you the type who has no problem compromising, or are you the type who has to dominate/be dominated (regarding sex, finances, lifestyles, etc.) Note that I wasn't referring to BDSM, or that type of dominating.
I'm big on fiscal responsibility. Actual fiscal responsibility, not the buzzword that's getting tossed around political news. I like budgets, graphs, pie charts, spreadsheets and registers. I like paying bills when I get them, paying ahead when possible, and trying to get out of debt. I hate having money but I hate spending large amounts of money even more. I can't buy a lot of groceries at one time without becoming anxious. I would like a spouse who was compatible in that way but he's got his own beat that he follows.
He really doesn't tell me, "No." He's an alpha male, there's no doubt, but he doesn't fuss or try to deny me anything that I decide I want. When I realized this, I became far more responsible with the things I would mention wanting or talk about getting.
As far as sex, I'm not sure what detail you'd want. If I had to be tossed out into the field to pick another, I'd feel most comfortable with someone who leads.
3. What things constitute signs of weakness in a partner?
Generally speaking, I can cite many possible weaknesses. I've lived with an alcoholic, an abuser, a cheater, a liar... and those were just referring to two people. I can tell you that my husband has none of those weaknesses. But, as people tend to be, he's also not perfect. His weakness is Lack of ambition. This man must have something to do. He's got to work. If he doesn't have a job, he's hollow. He collapses from the inside out. I also need to see him working. The exes also had Lack of ambition but they derived so sense of pride and self-respect from working. My husband becomes strong and confident. He beams from the inside out. He can still take my breath away.
4. If the lifestyles of you and your partner are opposite one another, how would you deal with that?
I really enjoy there not being a lot of differences. We have a lot of the same hobbies and interests, but vary enough to make discussion interesting. Most of us, we're interested in each other and enjoying talking and spending time with each other. That's pretty important. We have our differences in certain areas. That's just how it goes.
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I believe that Love is something you do, not something you feel. To this end, Love encompasses everything that one can reasonably expect of another in a committed relationship. Think about the wedding vows. Each one of the things promised is an action. You make the decision to love. Affection and lust may wane, but if you continue to love, it may return. It's important to continue to love when the affection wanes. Don't run off and cheat. Don't degrade them or undermine their ambitions.
There is no perfect match for anyone. I even chide the idea of "soulmates". I believe that when you are attracted to someone who is compatible and you make the decision to commit yourself to them in love, these people must now use their compatibility and commitment to love to smooth out the areas where they are incompatible. This is compromise, understanding and acceptance. No one gets their way all the time, nor will it be a perfect 50/50 compromise. The less bean-counting, the better.
28 Jul 2011, 1:01 am
