I MAY BE OLD-FASHIONED

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I have been searching for a good man that is a gentlemen. What happened to the men opening our door, pulling out our chair or even using manners? It seems nobody wants to act respectful and pick me up at my house and meet my parents. I may be somewhat old-fashioned but if a man can do all that he can definitely take me out on a date. Even if a man is not like that at least paying for my meal and picking me up at the house is less old-fashioned.

what happened was women started putting out to guys that didnt do those things. So the other guys said "well, it works and theres less work involved".

Aww. That sounds lovely. I spoke to a man like that once! So they exist! He apologised for using a swear word in front of me! He's norweigan!

i think a man who only does those things to get laid is kind of an anti-gentleman anyway

that was sarcasm.

I think some men are often afraid to act that way because some women say they're being sexist by paying for a meal or things like that.

But some men like that still exist, yes.

Short answer: Feminism happened to them. (Except for the manners part.)

Long answer: Lots of the old-fashioned manners are out of style, and not everyone even remembers what they were exactly. Probably the best way to get one is to find someone polite, and explain your exact feelings on door-opening and so forth.

I often fear women will be offended if I do these things since they're women and they can do it all themselves as they've proven.

I don't do these things because they are pointless. One of the best traits a person can have is independence. Why would I want to date a woman who can't open a goddamned door by herself? Unless she had some kind of disability.

Chivalry isn't about whether the other person can do something themselves. It's about showing the other person you respect them and are willing to do something unnecessary for them as a means of social bonding.

As I said: pointless. Conversations and doing things together are means of social bonding. I do have manners (when I'm not too distracted to pay attention to the other person), but pulling chairs and opening doors are ridiculously over the top for me.

I like chivalry. It is easy (just watch some old movies and even an aspie can get the hang of it) and it is fun. It conveys respect and confidence. It is a good conversation starter. You don't need to use NT magic to divine the appropriate thing to say, you can simply regurgitate a memorized phrase from your toolbox that is appropriate for the current situation.

And now that it has fallen out of popular practice, it sets you apart from the masses.

Someone discovered that women could actually do those things themselves.
Courtesy is nice, by why should it just be men who are courteous? What's wrong with a woman opening a door for a man if she gets there first?



Why? Do you not have a job that allows you to feed yourself? Or were you perhaps planning on reciprocating at a later date? That tradition came from the days when women were greatly limited in their ability to earn money. Now that we can support ourselves, it's pointless and infantilising.
I've heard the argument that the man pays for the meal in return for the pleasure of the woman's company, which either way you look at it is BS: if taken literally, well, she gets the pleasure of his company, and if not: if she dislikes him, then why go on a date FFS? If you look at "company" as a euphemism for sex, well, women can and do enjoy sex, and if they don't and are just doing it for a free meal, that seems an awful lot like prostitution to me.

Absolutely. I can't imagine wanting a man who treats me like a damned china doll child person.

^ this. All kinds of awesome.

I've always done that for people, both men and women. If I get to a door first with someone right behind me, I step out of the way and hold it open, and let them go first.

I don't necessarily pull out chairs, but I very often wait for the woman to choose a seat and sit down before I do the same.

My parents ingrained all the basic manners and etiquette into me by the time I was a little kid. I rarely forget to say please, thank you, and you're welcome, even for the smallest favors.

If I had a car and could drive, I'd do that for anyone I'd date, unless they had a different scenario in mind.

I'd feel like a creep if I didn't meet my date's parents at least once, early on.

I'd pay for the woman's meal on a date, unless told otherwise.

In short: My parents instilled manners and even chivalry in me at a very young age, and I haven't forgotten them; I use them quite often, actually.