Fell in love with a girl at work!

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This lady and I are both married. I have never done any thing to encourage this but I can't get her off my mind. It has been three years now. I hide my true feelings for her and it just don't seem right. You should see how she lights up when I enter the room. She sits up straight fixes her hair. I feel like if I don't tell her I am going to regret it the rest of my life.

I have throughly debated the expectations and rules of this plannet were on and they suck! That song from REO speed should I follow my head or follow my heart describes the predicament I am in.

I figuire the worst that can happen if I tell her is she will reject me and I will get over it eventually. If I don't I am going to be misserable I have to break this obsession. If I haven't been able to do it in three years it isn't going to happen.

Thanks everyone for your points of view. I have consitered the consequences of divorce and getting fired. I have run away from my fears all my life I think it is time to start facing them.

As far as my marridge I have been unhappy for a very long time and regardless of this situation need to end it.

8/9/11 3am Thank you every one for your input. This has been an over whelming dilema for me and is aparently quite sensitive topic for a lot of people. I have drawn some pretty offensive comments from some of you but no hard feelings here I understand I haven't taken the time to put my entire life experience of thoughts and feelings in this little box for you to make a worthwhile assesment. So the next time you feel the need to vent some unproductive rage keep in mind there is a heart at the other end that has to bear the impact.

I think I really need to take care of this train wreck one step at a time. I am going in on to get an official diagnosis and find out what options are available for some professional counseling. I haven't been happy for a long time and need to man up and just put an end to this marriage.

When it comes to matters of the heart and the status quo I think what really matters in the end is weather you lived a life of love and happieness or regret. I haven't been dealt the best hand of cards but I have done a hell of a job with what I have.

8/9/11 PM For those wondering if I am going to give any updates to this jucy story. FO and get a life.
8/11/11 Still thinking about everyones point of view and advise. It is starting to look like I am a real mess.

Very, very unwise to pursue a relationship like this.

Firstly, she's married herself and so are you. What about your respective partners? Unless you both have open relationships, this is unlikely to end well for either of you. Misery and divorce beckons and you'll be well and truly shafted. And what if her husband is liable to dish out justice of his own when he finds out who you are?

Secondly, your job. You're heading into all kinds of hell if you start making moves on work colleagues. If she rejects you, it makes for an uncomfortable atmosphere from thereon in. If you don't, you'll never get away from each other. You risk being fired too.

I wouldn't go anywhere near this. Sometimes you just have to not act on your feelings, OK?

This exact scenario happened to me at work many years ago. As soon as I realized what was going on I cut off all contact with her - out of sight, out of mind - I never regretted it...

My marriage didn't last, but at least my self-respect did.

sometimes distructive obsessions simply dissapate; even after years of obsession

Eventually it will go away on its own, unless you continue to think about her to the point where you lose control and do something you will regret. Having an affair with a married coworker is probably the worst idea there is.

On the contrast.

Are you two you feel meant for each other?
Do you both have so much in common that you feel refreshed by her?

Are you two both in good marriages?

How well do you really know her?

Maybe she is the one or maybe you've idealized her because you haven't seen her when she has her bad moments but you see your wife's bad moments.

Tell us more about her. Is there a strong connection?

List all the things you both have in common or you find complimentary.

This is definitely a wrong idea. Maybe it's time to move on to another job? And pursue marriage counseling with your wife? Cheating never solves anything, plus it ensures that things will go from bad to worse for 4 people. I used to get crushes on people in the workplace, but always knew in the back of my mind that I had no interest in acting on them. It passed the time and provided fodder for fantasy. Of course you will ultimately decide what to do, but I hope you don't hurt other people over an infatuation. You don't know this lady in real life, she could be an absolute b***h. What you are interacting with on a daily basis is her work persona. You might be attracted to an utter fantasy with no basis at all in reality.

And what Tequila said? Very wise words!! !

"Lusting for a girl at work" is probably a more appropriate title

If you want to create your own hell then pursue this further.

That woman, assuming she is interested, will in no time at all fall for the next guy. Also you will never be able to trust her anyway (nor her you) because you would know your relationship started with cheating, so it could easily happen again.

If you're in an unhappy marriage then why don't you be a real man and fix it, instead of contemplating the thought of ending it to move on to a new relationship that will be far unhappier (whether you realize it now or not).

Your marriage is a commitment that you willingly entered into. You vowed to love, honor and cherish. Part of what makes loving someone, cherishing someone and honoring someone is left to the imagination but there are a few things actually stated plain out in the agreement: Forsake all others. Unless you have a consenting agreement with your spouse that allows both of you to pursue physical and/or emotional relationships with other people, you are doing wrong by your wife.

The happiness in your marriage is fully within your control. Have you lost a passion for her? Does this passion now exist for this other woman? This is natural. Passion comes and goes like the tide throughout the years. If you continue to behave lovingly toward your wife, the passion will return and your marriage will not suffer. However, it sounds that you have given up the moment passion has waned, expecting one person to constantly physically turn you on instead of allowing the body and mind to naturally move through its cycles. I would shame you for putting your wife through a costly and unnecessary divorce process simply because you follow hormonal impulse and lack the self control to make prudent and responsible choices that don't destroy lives.

Get a divorce or try to fix your marriage before trying this.

Role reversal time.

Your wife fancies a man the same way you fancy this women from work. She finally comes out with it after years. How would you respond?

I'd say it depends on the situation. But i dont really know. Seems like love creates jealousy among certain people or it can bring hope or pessimism.