Love, Anxiety and Aspergers

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I am posting this because I want to know other people's outside opinions, advice and experiences.

When I was 14 I started to get anxious, REALLY anxious. I had unwanted obsessive thoughts about a variety of different subjects as well as feeling increasingly anxious in social situations, to the point of not being able to function properly, having migraines etc etc. I also became ill and as a result got Post Viral Fatigue/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am not 18 and much much better although still recovering.

The anxiety, however has been up and down over the last few years, reaching its absolute horrible peak last summer, at the same time I was referred to CAMHS (aged 17) because my GP was worried I had anorexia (I did, mildly, although this was not the main prob at this time). CAMHS very quickly diagnosed me with Aspergers Syndrome.. since then I have been put on medication (Sertraline 150mg) and the anxiety has gradually got better over the last year.

Am starting to lead a normal life (Horrah!!) Sertraline and Gluten Free/Dairy Free diet seemed to have healed a lot of psychological problems. HOWEVER..

Since developing problems, about 4 years ago, I have failed to be romantically attracted to anyone (virtually). Before that it seemed I was madly in love with half the boys in my year group. People say that anxiety and stress are 'libido' killers. But is libido the same thing as feeling romantic towards someone?? There was someone who I felt mildly attracted to, but when i got to kiss him I did not feel romantic at all.
This could possibly be :
A) because of an Asperger thing of not liking to be intimately touched?? (When I was a small child i screamed whenever anyone tried to hug me, although this does not apply so much now)
B) because at the same time I was concentrating so hard on how I felt and then feeling anxious about how I felt.. (most likely)
C) because he's a little younger than me and usually I like boys at least 1 year older than me.
D) because he was an AWFUL kisser. (also likely)


I think one of the biggest problems here is that it is circular. One of my biggest anxiety things was obsessive thoughts about sexuality (Oh My God.. what if I'm a lesbian..) - that sort of thing. This anxiety then dampened any feelings i had that i could use as evidence that I'm NOT a lesbian (although evidence does not make a difference to obsessive irrational thought). Now whenever I do feel the slightest inclination towards someone, i start analysing how i feel about them.. leading to anxiety, and eventually triggering thoughts about lesbianism, anxiety mounts and kills of ANY feeling are diminished

My worry that caused me to write this is that maybe my above theory is wrong somehow, and that I am somehow defective in my inability to properly fancy/love someone.. maybe I am Asexual. Maybe I am affected by other things such as my family situation (my Dad is not the most fatherly of people, he is ill, I see him once a year) or bullying I suffered??

ALSO.. my family tend to be quite reserved in their romantic feelings,, I am also quite 'picky' so there are few people i would be attracted to anyway.. there are lots of explanations that could explain this but i am desperate to know the precise reason WHY and what other people's veiws, opinions, advice might be.

Could be that I am just way too involved and analytic about this.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this, much appreciated.

Hello, you sound a bit like me, i stress out and overthink everything. I was also diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome as a teenager. I was going through major family problems at the time and very unhappy.

I was actualy thinking today about how it is rare that i'm ever attracted to men. It is very occassionally that i will come accross someone that i feel smitten with. There hav been guys who hav been lovely and intelligent, just all round good guys, but the spark just wasn't there. I was angry with myself. Why don't i feel anything for them. And i wonder if my concept of love and attration is all wrong, but i have been attracted to men in the past, well there's one at the moment i'm head over heels for, but i can't have him, he wants someone else.

I'm sorry, i'm rambling.

Some people are just worriers i think. I don't think you need to worry about what category you need to be in, asexual or whatever, thats your brain overthinking and wanting to organise things, putting things in neat tidy boxes.

Some medications can suppress sexual appetite, i foud that when i was on anti depressants.

Try not to worry, you are not abnormal. I've been initially attracted to guys before, but gone off them once i've got to know them. It can be a little thing like bad kissing. You never know who you'll meet around the corner. Just because you haven't met the right guy yet doesn't mean you won't.