Where NTs fail and Aspies can succeed
In what part of a relationship, or dating, can aspies be better than NTs?
(1) Whistling, or making stupid sounds or comments when they see a woman. Usually a male thing.
I have never said anything to a woman I don't know other
than "HI" or "Hello". I have never seen a beautiful woman and said, "Nice legs. I am a massage therapist. Want to come with me?" or something
stupid like that. I have never said, "I didn't know a rose like you could walk." A friend of mine said that to a woman while I spoke to him. I don't
think that leads to anything other than annoying the person. A "hi" or a "hello" is a lot better.
(2) Cheating
NTs are definitely better than Aspies in this department. Need I say why? Cheating definitely destroys a relationship, unless it is an open one.
(3) getting the right partner
Aspies are more analytical, so the idea of a trophy wife, or a trophy husband, someone cute but stupid, may sound like a bad idea. They also may drive
away partners who are likely to cheat on them in the future.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,083
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
I am like you in the (1).
But.....
and here's the surprise.
There are some things you think they would be seen as something good by most women (like never saying such stupid flirting comments), but in reality they wouldn't. You might think that most women would appreciate your lack of such typical male gestures and behaviors but don't fool yourself too much, you're just being delusional in your own imaginary ideal world.
It's because I don't do such stuff that many women in the past assumed that I may be gay or sexually dysfunctional.
(2) and (3) are totally unproven and hence bs.
lostonearth35
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Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,767
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?
No. 1 is the one thing I don't get about NT men. They seem to think, if they think at all, that when they use those awful pick-up lines or whistle or act like a horny wolf that we're going to be completely flattered, or we're gonna suddenly spin around and say " Oh yeah, I want you so bad!" or something stupid like that. But no, it almost always has the exact opposite effect. Instead we not only feel disgusted and annoyed, we also feel threatened and fearful because a guy who says stuff like this may decide it would be great fun to sexually assault you later. Of course some women might like it, but that's usually because they're nymphos or they grew up without a father and now want attention from men even when it's negative. Why is it that NT men always think the opposite of what women think? It's as if we're not just two completely opposite sexes, we're like two completely different species, like dogs and cats!
I don't know how to respond to such sweeping generalizations of human behavior. Not all NTs act the same just as all people with Asperger's Syndrome do not act the same.
I also don't think its particularly helpful on forums where the purpose should be more about learning how to interact with each other in successful positive ways to post who is good at what or who is more prone to negative behaviors such as cheating.
Yet I see this a lot and it just truthfully makes me sad. My only goal is to try to learn and to try to understand...and at times it is very hard. Sometimes the biggest thing I come to WP for is hope that there are others with the same common goal.
...
(2) Cheating
NTs are definitely better than Aspies in this department. Need I say why? Cheating definitely destroys a relationship, unless it is an open one.
This, interestingly, boils down to ability vs. intent. Let's face it: many aspie guys/men just don't have what it takes to successfully cheat on their partner. In order for him to cheat, he needs to know how to create attraction in the girl he cheats with. And most most of them, finding a romantic partner is oftentimes a lucky fluke and/or a result of a prolonged search for someone who likes his traits. So, the odds getting the other girl are very low, while the odds of losing the current girlfriend are very high. (For aspie girls/women, finding a man is easier, but the same concept applies.) At the same time, aspies tend to be rule-followers, so quite likely, cheating is something that would never enter their minds.
The real question becomes: is an aspie partner less likely to cheat because he has higher morals, or because he cannot successfully find a sex partner elsewhere? ("He" is used to avoid an awkward repetition of "he or she".) I often wondered the same myself, particularly when I'd date a plain-looking girl as a way of getting "infidelity insurance". Post your thoughts.
Thanks. That's what I was trying to say, but I wrote it so badly, it sounds like I was saying the total opposite.
No you said it correctly. We are completely different species after-all. But you must realise some women do want to be pursued that way sexually. Not all men are alike and not all females are alike in their sexual behaviours. but I have met plenty of women who like those dominating and sexual men who approach women like that in clubs and stuff. But yeah, of course I would feel extremely disgusted as many women would. and those types of men are the ones who justify rapes. I can live without sex. I consider myself pretty much asexual as well. So I don't see how those two creatures were meant to be together sexually if they have completely different sexual desires and patterns. which tells me that Aspies were perhaps not meant to be with NTs after all. that would be the acceptable conclusion I would draw from that.
I don't think its necessarily that nts #2, I think its more people of poor judgement fail with it. But at the same time.. I'd say people with AS generally have a lot of rigidity in their moral standards, wrong or right.
I also don't think its particularly helpful on forums where the purpose should be more about learning how to interact with each other in successful positive ways to post who is good at what or who is more prone to negative behaviors such as cheating.
Agreed entirely, people should be judged on an individual basis.
I know many interesting and trustworthy NTs.
KWifler
Sea Gull
Joined: 11 Aug 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 236
Location: Bellingham, WA, USA, Earth
Aspergers is not a single thing. There are many different ones, all of which can have their specific deviations from the norm.
It's bigotry to use the term NT, and not intelligent to generalize about labelled groups of people.
On the other hand, I agree with all 3 completely, and I assure you that I have extensive analysis of hundreds of people to back it up.
(1) I often can't say anything but hello to an attractive woman in the first place.
(2) They are always jealous of each other anyways and it's difficult to cover it up.
(3) I often violently drive people away who I believe to be immoral and unscrupulous, using a repeatable scientific system, of course.
Having those few over-riding interests that cloud out everything is annoying to people. I compensate by being obsessed with people.
GoatOnFire
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Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,986
Location: Den of the ecdysiasts
(1) Whistling, or making stupid sounds or comments when they see a woman. Usually a male thing.
I have never said anything to a woman I don't know other
than "HI" or "Hello". I have never seen a beautiful woman and said, "Nice legs. I am a massage therapist. Want to come with me?" or something
stupid like that. I have never said, "I didn't know a rose like you could walk." A friend of mine said that to a woman while I spoke to him. I don't
think that leads to anything other than annoying the person. A "hi" or a "hello" is a lot better.
(2) Cheating
NTs are definitely better than Aspies in this department. Need I say why? Cheating definitely destroys a relationship, unless it is an open one.
(3) getting the right partner
Aspies are more analytical, so the idea of a trophy wife, or a trophy husband, someone cute but stupid, may sound like a bad idea. They also may drive
away partners who are likely to cheat on them in the future.
I can tell you how this applies to me and my experiences..
on #1) I'm definitely not the type to say much of anything but "hi" to a girl, even while I'm drinking, and even then I still don't say much more(unless I start babbling about something I'm interested in), drinking only helps to lessen my awkward or nervous body movements. My point is that being so quite and seemingly "uninterested" (like most aspies) can be the very thing that attracts girls to you- "the whole 'mysterious' thing", as I've been told, is what works for me.
on #2) I'm not really one to cheat, per say, but I have been involved with more than 1 girl at a time, and I do not lie about it. It drives me crazy to speak something that is incorrect.
Also, I'm not sure if you're saying that NTs are "better" at cheating, or not cheating.
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