How Aspie is too Aspie?

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18 Aug 2011, 4:04 pm

Although I've probably started too many "WTF is wrong with me?" threads, I guess I'm not above starting one more. :wink:

Most people here have a reasonably good idea what I look like, and you've probably noticed that I am probably one of the more "Aspie-looking" guys around here - not just my (lack of) facial expression, but I move in a deliberate, somewhat odd way that is fairly noticeable. I really don't fit into any of the sort of "boxes" that people tend to put people in, and I think that (quite understandably) makes them feel uncomfortable.

Obviously, no one is ever going to say "I'm not romantically interested in you because you are too autistic-looking" but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

Anyone think this might be a big part of my problem?

anna-banana
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18 Aug 2011, 4:07 pm

I believe it's a big part of the problem of all posters here.

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mv
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18 Aug 2011, 4:09 pm

Here's what I consider too Aspie for me: Not being able to demonstrate any kind of sexual interest in me at all. I can have great conversations out with someone but if I don't get an inkling of a soupçon of a vibe, it's like my body shuts down and turns away, though my brain might stay engaged (but only on an intellectual level).

I hope that wasn't too vague. :scratch:

ETA: oh, and I'm sure I'm guilty of it, too, from the other side...

Grisha
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18 Aug 2011, 4:17 pm

anna-banana wrote:

I believe it's a big part of the problem of all posters here.

Yeah, but no one really wants to talk about it because I think it's an irreducible aspect of our disability that essentially can't be changed.

I mean, who would want to have a boyfriend who can elicit laughter (not mean-spirited, but difficult to suppress) just by walking down the street?

It's like I can totally get my act together in every way (and to a large extent I have) - but at the end of the day it doesn't matter because I'll always be an autistic clown...

mv
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18 Aug 2011, 4:21 pm

Grisha wrote:

anna-banana wrote:

I believe it's a big part of the problem of all posters here.

Yeah, but no one really wants to talk about it because I think it's an irreducible aspect of our disability that essentially can't be changed.

I sense that, too.

I'm sorry your perceptions are so extreme right now, Grisha, I doubt you're really an "autistic clown".

{{awkward Aspie pat on the back}}

The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Aug 2011, 4:30 pm

You might be the clown, but I am the joker.

Grisha
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18 Aug 2011, 4:40 pm

mv wrote:

Grisha wrote:

anna-banana wrote:

I believe it's a big part of the problem of all posters here.

Yeah, but no one really wants to talk about it because I think it's an irreducible aspect of our disability that essentially can't be changed.

I sense that, too.

I'm sorry your perceptions are so extreme right now, Grisha, I doubt you're really an "autistic clown".

{{awkward Aspie pat on the back}}

I really appreciate the sentiment, but I can make a pretty conclusive argument for "autistic clowndom" if necessary.

But rather than allow this insight to degenerate into hopelessness, what sort of woman might be able to see past this deficit?

I've still got quite a few assets in my favor - maybe even enough to compensate for having a "funny-looking" boyfriend, why does it seem so f*cking hopeless?

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18 Aug 2011, 4:45 pm

mv wrote:

Grisha wrote:

anna-banana wrote:

I believe it's a big part of the problem of all posters here.

Yeah, but no one really wants to talk about it because I think it's an irreducible aspect of our disability that essentially can't be changed.

I sense that, too.

I'm sorry your perceptions are so extreme right now, Grisha, I doubt you're really an "autistic clown".

{{awkward Aspie pat on the back}}

Have you guys tried any kind of mindful movement based exercise, a martial art or something? Tai Chi really helped me use my body more effectively and fluidly. Aikido seems to be helping some too. Yoga?

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18 Aug 2011, 4:46 pm

Oh yeah, I was gonna come in here and facetiously say:

"Over 9000!"

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MidlifeAspie
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18 Aug 2011, 4:51 pm

Seven

mv
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18 Aug 2011, 4:54 pm

Moog wrote:

Oh yeah, I was gonna come in here and facetiously say:

"Over 9000!"

Hee. I like Moog's suggestion about movement-based study.

I haven't seen you in motion, Grisha, so I'm not sure exactly what wrong image you're sure you're projecting. I see you're very tall and thin, and maybe you're ... precise? gangly? I don't know. I've known tons of women that go for your body type and the quirks would be frosting on the cake (you'd be like an artist to them, I think).

Sorry I'm not understanding what particular thing you're trying to get across... :cry:

TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 Aug 2011, 5:04 pm

Moog wrote:

mv wrote:

Grisha wrote:

anna-banana wrote:

I believe it's a big part of the problem of all posters here.

Yeah, but no one really wants to talk about it because I think it's an irreducible aspect of our disability that essentially can't be changed.

I sense that, too.

I'm sorry your perceptions are so extreme right now, Grisha, I doubt you're really an "autistic clown".

{{awkward Aspie pat on the back}}

Dance.

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Moog
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18 Aug 2011, 5:11 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Moog wrote:

mv wrote:

Grisha wrote:

anna-banana wrote:

I believe it's a big part of the problem of all posters here.

Yeah, but no one really wants to talk about it because I think it's an irreducible aspect of our disability that essentially can't be changed.

I sense that, too.

I'm sorry your perceptions are so extreme right now, Grisha, I doubt you're really an "autistic clown".

{{awkward Aspie pat on the back}}

Dance.

Is that an instruction?

*Moog dances*

But seriously, yes, dance too. I forget about dance. I have a serious aversion to dance due to childhood embarrassment :oops:

You probably get a fair amount of women at dance classes two, so you can kill two birds with one stone. :wink:

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Grisha
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18 Aug 2011, 5:14 pm

mv wrote:

Sorry I'm not understanding what particular thing you're trying to get across... :cry:

I guess I'm not communicating my essential dorkiness effectively - I was trying to explore the possibility that this was the unspoken reason for my difficulties. I tried to find a suitable photo, but I don't seem to have one handy.

It's too bad Esther hasn't been around much, she's seen me IRL and could probably explain it better.

Anyway, Moog's suggestion is actually an excellent one. I attended a yoga class once with my ex-wife and was deeply impressed at how well it increases body awareness, which is a very common deficit with AS. Unfortunately, I'm so bad at it that it made me too self-conscious to attend classes.

I really think there's something to this, though. It would explain why I am having such problems even though I'm supposedly doing everything "right".

TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 Aug 2011, 5:18 pm

Moog wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Dance.

Is that an instruction?

*Moog dances*

But seriously, yes, dance too. I forget about dance. I have a serious aversion to dance due to childhood embarrassment :oops:

You probably get a fair amount of women at dance classes two, so you can kill two birds with one stone. :wink:

I like a man that knows how to obey. :wink:

Yeah, I am getting over some embarrassment myself in this area. I'm done letting what others think stop me from shaking my bootay.

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sagan
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18 Aug 2011, 8:07 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Moog wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Dance.

Is that an instruction?

*Moog dances*

But seriously, yes, dance too. I forget about dance. I have a serious aversion to dance due to childhood embarrassment :oops:

You probably get a fair amount of women at dance classes two, so you can kill two birds with one stone. :wink:

I like a man that knows how to obey. :wink:

Yeah, I am getting over some embarrassment myself in this area. I'm done letting what others think stop me from shaking my bootay.

Haha dancing really works. It is the one moment you can be as awkward and weird as you want, and its fine. Everything is socially acceptable when dancing. Hmmmmm. Now I want to go dancing...

Either way, I have no idea what an autistic clown looks like. Hmm. Any references? I honestly do not think many women would mind, only the really superficial / insecure ones. If you get to really like someone, why would you care what other people think. That is just silly.

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