Unconscious love?

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In films and books sometimes it takes a painful stab of jealousy for the character to realise he loves her (or she, him). Does this happen in real life too? In other words, can you love someone and not realise it?

I have always just got to a stage in a relationship where i have had to sit down and think about the feelings i am feeling for the person and where i stand. Sometimes it could be yes i like this person but we are better as friends/ yes i like this person more then just friends but i don't love them/ if i don't think i will ever love them/ if i think i could love them in the future/ if i love them now. If i get to the last one, i tell the person i love them.

Interesting question! I would say no, but there's that nebulous gray area early in a relationship where you're not sure exactly how you feel. I also think there can be certain key events that push someone "over the love edge", so to speak.

When I first met the man who eventually became my husband, he was actually dating someone else at the time and after a few dates with me, he told me that he didn't think it was right to date two women and he thought we should stop seeing each other.

Well, although it sounds like I was chasing him, I wasn't really. I simply wrote him a letter and asked him to think about it some more. Then I put him out of my mind, expecting that I would never hear from him again. I was comfortable with however it turned out.

Well, a few days later he called and asked me out. He told me that my "feistiness" had made him re-examine his relationship with the other woman, and to see me in a different light. We were together for 20 years from that day.

Yes.

You can be attracted to someone, downplay the importance of that in your head for whatever reason, and then realize that you want to love them when the option suddenly seems unavailable to you. It's a fairly normal awakening to an idea.

Yes. I used to be close friends with a girl and it wasnt until she started asking me for advice about what other boys meant when they did/say this or that and for advice on how she could hook up with that other guy... (note: this was in high school!) that was the first (and only) time I experienced jealousy. It was raw, irrational and all I could do was help her and hating my guts at the same time.

I waited until she lost interest in that guy to ask her if she would consider me as her BF and...well, lets just say I learned that wasn't the best thing to do. 'Friends zone only'. That close friendship wasn't the same after that.

c'est la vie.

Yes. I definitely have loved people and not been fully aware of it. I wish it didn't happen, though. Everyone else seems to be so clear on a dividing line between being very close friends and love...with me it's not always clear and I wish it were. If I get close enough to someone and make a deep enough connection to be close friends, I run the risk and that's not good for me. Too much risk of getting hurt.

~Kate

I was going to say no but after thinking about some of my more confusing crushes I'd have to say yes. It doesn't happen to me with guys but I've been in love with 2 girls and had no idea. It just didn't occur to me that what I was feeling was love because it didn't jive with being hetero.
On the other hand, most of my boyfriends have started out as friends so I assume this has been the case for them.

I knew a girl for a long time and told myself it wouldn't work out because I can't take care of myself.
She suddenly appeared and told me she was getting married, and I could hardly speak, I was so flabbergasted I guess.
That made me more serious about knowing what are my emotions for sure.
Some people ignore their feelings and develop a tick. Their eyebrow twitches or something.

Most jealousy is from the "saving it for later" category. You walk past the tray of donuts every day, maybe tomorrow you will have the nice looking donut with the sprinkles. After a while, someone else is going to grab it, and you will eye them with envy as they finish the last delectable morsel. Well, I guess people are better than donuts, they're recyclable.