Is it worth the risk?

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A girl I know at the swimming club, I find her quite interesting:
She's librarian, liberal, and funny....and of course other things.

She showed positive signs of interests like laughing at my lame jokes, playing with the hair, asking when if i am attending next time....bla bla bla... we talk a lot.


Yet showed two not-good-at-all signs:
After one swimming session , I took the bus, I didn't know she takes the bus too and surprisingly I saw her coming in. So I cheered her "hi again!" and hi'ed back, I was expecting she would take the seat next to me but she chose instead the seat next to the door. Hmmm, not good.

The other sign: I sent her a happy birthday in a private FB message last saturday (we did exchange few private messages before), but no reply for it, yet she was online. Not good.

Yet I am determined to ask her out.
But is it really worth to take the risk? If it's failed , the awkwardness would cause at the club wouldn't be pleasant for me..... and logically my chances don't look so good.

Playing with her own hair?

Do it in a casual way to hopefully avoid most awkwardness? Maybe?

Of course not my hair, otherwise I would have already asked her out lol.

Hah! Yeah makes sense. Well agreed with what Trigas said then!

why would it be awkward? stuff like that happens all the time.

maybe when you ask her, if she declines, say something like "well, if you ever want to hang out just let me know", and then play it totally cool whenever you see her - no clingyness, no longing looks, no flirting, just being friendly in a regular, non-sexual manner. chances are she'll see you're not a "threat" and not someone who just wants to get into her or any other girl's pants. chances are she'll reconsider.

it's *always* worth the risk! think of your ancestors! where would you be now if they didn't take chances? up on some tree, munching leaves, communicating with grunts?

I wouldn't say there's much of a risk of anything except you feeling bad if she declines.

Most girls are used to being asked out and having to decline when they're not interested. Being asked on a date is not that big of a deal. Being told no is not that big of a deal. It doesn't mean that it's going to cause future discomfort, if you act casual.

The only sure way to not get a date is to never try.

Ohh, what a tranquil life would it be. Damn you ancestors.

She didn't show up again since then, she's not attending the club at convenient times anymore.

Well, all the other ways to contact her would be stalkish, by either pming her again on FB (again??!), or by calling her at her workplace's number which happens to be in the same building (library's campus) of the swimming club (for winter classes), and I am not going to do any of this. So I'd drop it unless if I meet her once again.

"“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do." --Mark Twain.

Do it in person. My two cents.

Kind of a depressing thought, but very true. Life is short.

I say go for it, but, like others said, just be light and casual about it. Ask her for coffee because you'd like to get to know her better or something along those lines, maybe?

I wouldn't do it by calling her at work, for sure. Facebook might not be optimal, but I think it would be better than doing it in a way that would inconvenience her. Good luck; I hope it goes well and you can figure something out.

I think you should go for it. I think the two not-so-good things are easily explained by other reasons besides her potential disinterest.

Contact her again on FB. It should show up in her email even if she doesn't bother to check FB. If she still disregards communication with you, I would move on.

Wait until you see her again in person. Asking someone out over the phone or Facebook is awkward.

This quote is true but I think it's really irrelevant here.


So what are you suggesting to do? To call her at her workplace? Big no no, she didn't show enough interest to take a such risk.

To Pm her on FB again? Ok , after few days. But of course, it wouldn't be an asking out PM, just a hello pm and attempt to know which days of the week she's attending.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 16 Aug 2011, 6:19 am, edited 2 times in total.

I would like to point out that most people with AS would probably not think to take the seat next to an individual they knew who greeted them on the bus. Nor would many NT's. In fact, it has been my observation that on buses, people tend to favor a particular seat for various reasons, and will try to occupy the same seat on each trip if they are able to.



Maybe, maybe not....have you realized that many of those with AS expect others to be more socially well versed than they are and respond in ways they do not?

However, I commend you for reaching out to her.



It doesn't have to be awkward. If you asked her out for coffee, your intentions would be fairly ambiguous and so you manage to "save face" if she rejects this offer, and as no romantic intentions were stated or implied, you really shouldn't feel awkward.

If asking her out is worth the risk really depends on how much of a risk you perceive it to be. If you are the type of person who is severely emotionally impacted by rejection then it might be too big of a risk. If you are the type of person who can shrug it off and figure "Oh well, there's other girls to meet," then it's not much a risk at all is it.