Aspie dating and Aspie......

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Has anybody had any experience AS an Aspie dating another aspie?? Lets hear your comments on how it was, was it a relief to finally find somebody that "understands"? Was/is the relationship easier or harder ?

How did you find that person? Was it a long journey?

Post your comments here and lets see how we get along

from Karlingo.

According to Rudy Simone, a woman with AS who has dated AS men, and who wrote a book about it--"22 Things", AS women are as likely to have problems with AS men as NT women are.

It's great if you can "understand", but the communication and commitment issues are universal, regardless of the sort of human being you're in a relationship with.

I'm a woman with AS and I am in a long distance relationship with a man with HFA and we have our ups and downs but I have had much more understanding and acceptance in this relationship than in previous ones with NT males.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.net forums.

You know, thanks for actually asking that question.

Yes I'm an autie dating another autie and everything together has been sweet and beautiful and very touching indeed and I love her with all my heart and I'm pretty sure she loves me back.

We have been going out (on and off) for a very long time, I rather not say and in some ways its pretty difficult because you have to watch what you say at times till and getting her to trust you is the hard part, but I managed to just do that.

Now me and her are living and still in a long distant relationship doing so many different things, the only way we normally communicate is through phone and text messaging (and occasionally using MSN).

I miss everything about her, the smile we both had, the constant laughs and the unusual jokes to each other, holding hands, giving each other hugs and kisses and best of all, what I mostly miss about it is the fact that we always used to look out for each other (which we still do) incase something goes wrong or when we both are having such a bad day and everything, we would always somehow used to cheer each other with whatever.

Even now we both are talking about marriage and how everything is going to turn out, will we be happy couples and live happily ever after or would it be conflicts due to change of routine, change of plans, change of life and everything that could probably end in divorce (which I really doubt it).

Even though at times I have worries that she would cheat on me with another guy which at times I wish I didn't but yea.

I love her with all my hearts and I will tell her that, sorry for the long text, it happens that you made me think deep inside of the happy times me and my girlfriend have.

Enjoy the site and happy posting.

- superboyian.

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp.

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Last edited by poppyx on 06 Jun 2010, 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You don't have to live with each other to be in a relationship, me and her only live 10 minutes away from each other.
But we don't see each other so often due to education and everything and the fact that she isn't independent when it comes to traveling and for some reason, my mum doesn't want me to go to her place and waste my education doing nothing since I'm in college.

I'm already trying to prove her wrong, I guess I have to try even harder.

I find that attitude honestly pretty ignorant considering I even know NTs that work in two different places or are in relationships where they are in the military and still make things work. Living together doesn't make things any less of a relationship. And yes I consider myself very lucky considering it has taken me 36 years, many abusive relationships with NTs, etc... to find him. Not everyone has as much trouble as others, some more some less. My relationship has had it's ups and downs, we have seperated, we have come back together and we still manage to work on things... no relationship living together or not exist without work. It has nothing to do with work or luck or being saintly.

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Last edited by poppyx on 06 Jun 2010, 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm actually pretty young and I'm 18 so yea, when me and her was seeing each other alot, it actually seemed to have made life seem alot easier though for us, but it depends on the person and the personality too and it seems that me and my girlfriend just go nuts without seeing each other and yet still have strong hearts towards each other.

But I do agree with some of the things you say, it can be a good thing though if it isn't going so well and everything and its a good way to have space from each other and everything.

But yea, hopefully that should answer some of your questions.

I went through about 10 relationships before meeting my now wife, who might be an Aspie.

We've been married for almost 3 years, expecting our first child within 3-6 weeks.

What was it like dating someone with whom I share so many odd traits with? Spooky, perhaps creepy, but at the same time fun and much easier for both of us than we'd had it with others.


Seriously about the "spooky, creepy" bit, she and I shared so many likes / dislikes, background / history, habbits, hobbies, etc that it took us 4 months to find a difference between us (she liked whole milk and I liked skim). By 6 months we had made up our minds and got engaged, and married 1 year after that.


The first time I yelled at her was on the honeymoon. We were at a small cafe waiting for our lunch, I glanced over at the wall and spotted an odd nick-knack that resembled a clock. I thought about the scheduled boat ride and was about to ask her what time it was when she starts digging though her purse for her cell phone to do just that!

"Stop that!! !" I yelled. She looked puzzled at first and then I explained that it was both becoming way too creepy and way too frustrating that she was responding to what I was thinking before I said anything.

Seriously, this happens daily between us, I'll be thinking of something completely out of the blue, no visual indicators like the nick-knack or anything, and she starts talking about the very same thing. Or we'll be watching a TV show, movie, etc and I'll be thinking something and she'll make a comment on the very same thought along the very same lines.

We still love each other very much, and we do often have trouble communicating verbally, but somehow non-verbabally we share a connection that I've never come close to forming with anyone else. Heck, I can barely tell when other people are happy / sad / mad, but my wife and I know exactly what each other are thinking / feeling without saying a word. In fact, it's the language and verbal communication that interferes too much with our communication.

Dan O.

How did you meet her?

More importantly, how did you decide to marry her?

There seems to be a substantial subset of the aspie population that "doesn't believe in relationships" and spends a fair amount of time obsessing about and pursuing people that they don't know.

What is different about you?

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Last edited by poppyx on 06 Jun 2010, 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My wife and I met in a "Learning UNIX using Linux" class at a local community college. Linux and UNIX are operating systems that are alternatives to Windows and Mac OS. Technically, Mac OS is based on UNIX, and Windows was originally a graphical front-end for DOS, which was a cheap UNIX clone, and Linux is a very good UNIX clone, but that's beside the point....


We had one semester together at the college, and for 9 weeks she sat behind me and never said a word. It was only when she and I happened to cross paths at a local restaurant that I decided to break the ice, and after waiting 2 weeks for Spring Break to be over went and talked to her in class. She happened to have worked at another location of that local fast food place, and so the conversation was started easily.

We talked again after class, for 2 hours in the cold and windy March evening in the parking lot, and I can honestly say I've never had such an unbiased conversation. Neither of us dominated the conversation, we both shared in the verbal exchanges with such equality that I knew then and there she was special.

Why do I think she might be an Aspie? She's had social difficulties (making and maintaining friendships) most her life, much in the same way I did. She was picked on, teased, etc, cried often. More than that though she's admits she's a clutz, and shares a lot more of those social traits with me.

I had her take the AQ test, and she scored a 32, the threshold at which one should probably get checked out for Asperger's. I scored a 43 IIRC, so I know I'm worse off than she is, but she's still in that range.


I have been an "odd duck" as far as aspie's go, because despite my many failures at social life, I've always strived to do better, and to have a family. Maybe it's my upbringing with 7 older siblings that makes me so determined to have a family of my own, maybe I just feel extremely alone with just myself after growing up with 7 siblings, I don't know.

I'll have to look into that INFJ thing you talk about poppyx, it does show some promise for an explanation as to our unusual communication habits.


Edit: The facebook quiz shows her to be borderline ISFJ / INFJ, but an earlier test may have showed more towards the INFJ type.

Interesting!

Dan O.

I've had a reasonably good experience. There.

Good luck to you OP!