I had my share of break up with last girlfriend. Her decision only shielded the guilt that would have come in the future if I were to be the first to break up with her only because I felt that I was over-due to have a new relationship. Before the break up, I was a decent gentlemen, who shows kindness and attention to the family problems, that occured during the relationship. Their family car's tires were blown out. The heat bill was over-due and was about to be disconnected. The girlfriend's sister needed a laptop to do eBay business. All of it was taken care by me, especially when I knew that they would have a difficulty time paying all of it back, dues to the unemployment and circumstances. Needless to say, I was scolded by my grandmother while keeping things quiet with my mother and stepfather.
Later on, my girlfiend has health problem which has worsen, plummeting our relationship to the bottom. It was then that her mother told me that she felt that I wasn't giving enough attention while there was late allegation from her hairdresser claiming that she broke up with me, based on the fact that I wanted to help my mother's laptop for her business. I couldn't believe it true and told my now ex-girlfriend that if it happen again that she would be in trouble. Her mother was little defensive when I told her but was later stop denying after I explained the source of this allegation. As much I think back from the breakup, there were more factors, such as lack of line of communication, girlfriend's sickness, my current's college involvement and stress.
So, why did I want a new relationship? I wanted to comfirm my social and emotion because I knew that autism can disrupt what an average "NT's" think in social and emotion. There were different personalities from different people that I had encountered but among them were few that I wanted to point out that was revelant to this blog that I am writing about. The one NT were skeptical and unassuring when approaching about a new girlfiend. While the other one has a job but just didn't seem to attempt to make a connection to develope a pre-relationship level conversation while the majority has already made a connection and are married if not engaged.
If I would take the experiences that I had with my ex-girlfriend from the time I asked her out and to the time that her family were mutual with me. I knew that I can apply it to my next girlfriend. However, I needed more than just experiences. I needed guts and confidence. Back before three months ago, I was living with my parent while was on Social Security disability check for a while. I received a call from a rental agency that I had apply for two years ago. These rental apartment agency, like other rental agencies, were not just any agency because they were dedicated to HUD - Housing Urban Developement for Section 8 program. The Section 8 program is based on federal government that subsized apartment and housing's rental cost for low income people. Between the people who were disabled or senior and those who were employed, the senior and people with disabilities were placed in front of the waiting list in front of those who weren't. This shorten the waiting time that would otherwise could takes 3 or more years.
My new place was a quieter townhome with electric stove and air conditioner. The carpet was nice while the rooms were pleasant. I remembered my ex-girlfriend's mother mentioned that my place were better than the friend's house. Without a doubt, it was a best place for me. My friends were pleased and amazed. I had to admit that this has added attraction to my personal status that I hold on a social level. If you think about it, you have a place that you invite people over while having your own personal activities. When talking to newly girlfriend's father or mother, you knows that this would add credential to developing a new relationship along with your past accomplishments.
If there were one thing about college when come to developing a relationship, it was the fact that colleges were a breeding ground in a social way. There was an anonymous post on Craigslist that I read confessing how he could have wished he was back at college while showing linked photo of the college cheerleaders posing in the photo. It all made sense, that in order to make new relationship, you had to go where the fishes go and that was college.
From the advice from a friend, who I talked with from weekend to weekend, has explained that if I want to start a relationship, I had to ask for mailing address to mail letter and phone number to call her. With the advice that I was given, I attempted to make conversation with this one girl from college but failed because that one girl didn't answer her phone, so I texted her but only get a message "Please don't text or call me again". I was depressed pre-maturely. I has to say pre-maturely because I am a grown man that shouldn't be depress over this thing. There were lot of reasons that was behind this "slammed" text message. Later on, she and her family was visiting again at the place where I often visited for private event. I had to approach her father and made eye contact as much as possible knowing that new people give me that feeling that autistic have when encountering the "newness". I confessed that I tried calling and texting her then showed him the archived text message from my Samsung Epic Android phone . He smiled and explained that he told her that if she get a call that she don't recognize that she should tell them not to call again. I introduced by myself and knew that they didn't have much time to stick around for a long talk. I felt better after what I told him knowing that he might tell his daughter about this. So, when I see her again, I would have to see if I can develope a connection.
Today in college, I have talked to three girls. All of them smiled and talked with me. If I wanted to get a mailing address and phone number, I had to establish a rapport, a successful social connection between two or more members in the party. The successful and longest but incomplete rapport that I had was the second girl. She was studying for Calculus. I told her that I was studying Algrebra and has several interests while majoring in Computer Network. She was taller with blond hair, wore a gold heart necklace, and was dressed casually. Unfortunately during the conversation, she spoke up that she has to go to class. This didn't bother me knowing that this was the common excuse when this can over-lap the length of time waiting for class and possibly miss class's attendence mark.
If there were something missing in social life that me and other with autism, it is the lack of the ability to develope a rapport. It did occur to me that if I blend in with other through activities, interests, or viewpoints. I can connect with others. This lack of mingling with other create a state of isolation that may leads to depression, paranoia, and lack of relationship. What bothered me is the fact that I can use rapport as an deception, whether it was good or bad intention or manipulating yourself to be NT's like. Across my mind, I remember my uploaded YouTube video about myself talked about having a girlfriend. A YouTube member who I suspected to have autism felt that I was treating this like it was a "point card". The feeling of accomplishment reveals to you what you have done and can be printed in your mind as a memories. There were memories that I did that was amazing, having girlfriends were one of those accomplishment. I had me share of successes with girls but have severe disconnection before because I didn't knew at the time that the girls were in love in with me except for my last ex-girlfriend.
To be continues....
Last edited by Bopkasen on 24 Aug 2011, 11:54 pm, edited 4 times in total.
24 Aug 2011, 3:09 am
