Just some musings...

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Today an older gentleman told me it was hard to believe someone as pretty as me couldn't find someone that wanted to date me. I found his choice of words interesting, and possibly revealing.

What do I mean? Well, the implication seemed to be that I should be open to anyone that expressed interest in me. I have to wonder if men get this as well, or is this something only women are expected to do?

Also, I have to wonder what the correct way to respond to this is. Should I feel obligated to explain myself? Is pulling apart his choice of wording appropriate, or is a vague "It's complicated" the way to go?

I do believe that his statement was code for, "I'd like to get into your pants, should you be amenable."

If this was not the case, I apologize, but I've found that to be true in the past. All kinds of couched, pervy language.

To take him at his most innocent, yes, that's a paradigm that women were to meant to aspire to. Trot out the wares, see what bites. Even when you read about social revolution in the 60s, the women at the forefront will now say, "Yeah, but we were still expected to fold our lives around what the *men* were doing."

It's a social dynamic that's very slooooooooooooowly dying.

I'm quite sure it was innocent, though he did also use the words "smokin', hot, and sexy".

Joker, I've only noticed men getting the reverse "It's hard to believe you can't find a nice girl!"

One more thing about the interaction... there was particular emphasis on my appearance when he talked about me not having someone. Usually, when I hear of something like this happening to men the emphasis is on his intelligence, monetary status, and things he's acquired.

I don't think you have to explain yourself or even go with "it's complicated". If this is an acquaintance, then he's just using social lubricant language. Harmless, complimentary stuff meant to make you feel better about yourself, taking the focus off of him. If you don't want to engage, you can make a joke or a polite rebuffal ("Oh, aren't you *so* kind!" is one of my standards, but I'm older than you). I do that not out of malice or peevishness but because I cannot gauge their intentions so I deflect it to the most innocent of interpretations with my response.

You could of simply stated, if it is the case, that the problem is not in finding -somebody- that wants to date you, but finding somebody -you- would like to date where the feeling is mutual.

It covers the bases of;

1. Deflecting what is seen as an unreasonable expectation of yourself and women in general.

2. Politely letting him know, should he be fishing for an opportunity, that you are not interested.

I think that in most cases people's intentions and motives are not singular. He -might- be an old dude that wouldn't mind getting it on with you, but he could at the same time be complimenting you. Accept compliment, deny access to goodies, steer future conversations in safe direction...protocol established

You could also tell him how embarrassingly and blindingly white your butt is and enjoy observing his reaction I like doing things like this...inappropriate can be fun sometimes...

i get that from women i'm not intrested in, it's like a defence mecinizum(SP) in my case........and i don't have money or any of the other
i find the less i say the better

Yeah, turns out he was saying he wanted in my pants. Oh well. I'm not interested.