*What* did I do

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OK. I met someone a few months ago. Very nice, and seemed very competent. I gave him my number. Big mistake.
Okay. I am 99% sure this guy is AS. This is the total of communication we have had:
*Laundry mat
*Texting when my daughter was in the hospital (with numerous attempts to call me while I was there and me telling him I could not talk because they would yell at me for having my cell on)
*Calling me the next day while I was at the laundry mat, figuring out I was there and showing up drunk to chat with me and the kids (I don't show people my kids until I really know them).
*Taking me to dinner (I was giving him a second shot and he was not drunk)
*then today.

I have not told him we are a couple. I believe he thinks we are. He called today after texting telling me (in gibberish - I think he is drunk) that I have been ignoring him for a couple weeks. I have not chatted with him for almost two weeks, but I have not chatted with ANYONE for that long. I have been very busy. He asked why I was ignoring him and I told him "I have been busy." Now he texts and wants to talk on the phone, which I have told him that I am not comfortable doing because of a phone phobia.. He asked what I was doing (I was meeting a friend earlier when he called before) and I just said "computer." So he calls... twice. I just don't answer. Then he texts several times telling me it is him and I keep saying that I am busy then he asks if it is "a new boy". I simply say "no". Then he says it is him again. I respond my telling him that I know it is him but I am busy. He tells me to be nice.

He has no idea where I live, and for that I am glad. This is getting freaky, How do I tell him to go away? (without actually saying "Go away"?

Thats a tough one. But you gotta realize there's only so much you can do for some people and if he refuses to take you into account, forcing HIS needs on you, maybe YOU just need to force your needs on him by laying it straight out and saying that he's making you feel like s**t.

If he has AS, the best, most direct thing you can do is tell him to leave you alone, go away. If you beat around the bush, imply it, he will not get it. Be very direct and clear. If he is really freaking you out, you may have to get law involved for you and family safety.

I do want to ask thou, why do you feel the need to not tell him in a direct way to go away? Seems alot of people do that. Many times with me, the girl I was interested in would say they just wanted to be friends, when what they meant was they did not want me around. Then they would get really upset when I tryed to talk to them after they said they wanted to be friends. Everyone knows when you say you just want to be friends it really means they are rejecting you. Not someone with AS.

I'm sorry if I come off as a little harsh, I'm not trying to make you out to be the bad person here, you are not. But I always wonder why in the matter of relationships, why do people not want to be direct?

I kinda agree with Ken. You have to tell him straight away that you're not interested and to please leave you alone. I realize that you probably want to avoid feeling like you're mean which is why you're looking for an indirect way to send him away. To that, I say bollocks Be assertive (not the same as being mean), be direct...because I believe if you're anything else to him, it's actually crueler.

By his responses already I can tell he's trying to emotionally manipulate you. "Be nice" is a way for him to shame you into doing something you don't want to do. That's just plain wrong.

To be quite honest, I think you are giving him mixed messages, and that's why he keeps trying. In all of your posts I have not seen a clear message to him to say "Leave me alone, I'm not interested". If you don't want to talk to him, say so, because if someone doesn't tell you to go away, and someone with lower functioning aspergers is no way going to pick up the vague clues you're giving off.

I can't even figure out from your post whether you like him or not.. or do you just not like him calling? And I'm quite high functioning.

If you don't want him calling you, just make it clear that you're not dating and it hasn't worked out, and ask him to leave it. If he ignores a direct message then its upto you to go to the police or the telephone company. Whatever happens, Good luck.

Okay. Let me clear it up since it was kind of vague.

I gave him my number because I was interested. He texted me and told me he was concerned about my daughter being in the hospital ER (she just had a sprained ankle) and he tried to call numerous times even when I told him not to (explicitly) although since I figured reception was messed up, I told him through texts when I know wen through because he responded. When he showed up at the laundry mat drunk the next day, I explicitly told him that we were not together (He had said he wsnted to give us a try when he spoke t his friends about it, without me - he made this decision assuming that's what I had wanted - only after chatting for a little bit while I was folding clothes) and I was not ready for him to (I left that part out because I wasn't thinking about it when I wrote last night).

When I left after he showed up drunk, he contacted me while sober and asked if he could take me to dinner. I always give people second chances, and he was a gentleman and was not drunk when he showed up. It was a nice evening and it WAS a date. A date does not mean that we are a couple though. Unless that's how he perceived it. There was no hug, there was no kiss... there was only a thank you and a good bye. Then out of nowhere, he texts and then immediately calls last night. I don't remember when it was, but there was more than once that I told him that I do not like to talk on the phone, and I would be more than happy to text with him. Up until last night, there WAS an interest in him, but I will not be around someone who is always drunk. Telling him anything last night would not have done any good. His attitude that is creeping me out is happening when he is drinking. It was last night when I wrote the OP that I decided exactly what I wrote. The reason I don't want to go straight out and say "Go away" is because I do not mind chatting with him when he is not drinking. He is nice and has some nice ideas that I enjoy listening to.

I have AS. I was shocked last night when he acted possessive because I thought when it counted I was direct with him. When he put him arm around me, i physically removed it and told him I was not ready for that and that we were not there (or something like that. I was uncomfortable and told him, however I worded it). He backed off and said sorry. Honestly, his phone call that I did answer last he really creeped me out, I was waiting at a restaurant for a friend to show up and it was unexpected and uncomfortable. The text he sent was "he *his name* how doing" I said "Ok. You?" then he called. He was very incoherent. I honestly don't even know what he said, but I got the idea from the words I did catch. He said something about me ignoring him. Him taking me out to dinner and not talking to him and some other things. It was mumbled and weird. I had no clue what was going on. I did understand when he asked why I was brushing him off, but I was still in shock. I said "I was extremely busy. I haven't talked to anyone." or something like that. He said, "Oh, ok. Just call me sometime." I said "I will text you later." And I had planned to.

It was just a couple hours later when he texted again and "what doing". I said "computer" I was busy on the computer. Nothing more, nothing less, but I had just come home. He called twice and I did not answer. His next text was (less than a minute later) "what up it me *his name*" I said "I am busy. I will talk to you later." He said "new boy" I said "no". He said "it me *his name*" I said "I know who you are. I am busy." His response to which I just did not reply "ok be nice"

Honestly, up until this text exchange last night, I did not mind chatting with him, but we had only gone out ONCE and I did not know if I wanted to regularly date him or anyone else. Last night with the friend was not a date. It was meeting with a friend. I HAD told him I was not where he wanted me to be when he put his arm around me. He also was drunk at the time. I am positive that he was drunk when he conversed with me last night. I do not want to talk to him while he is drunk (decided last night AFTER the conversation) and I do not want to be a couple (also firmly decided last night AFTER the conversation). I did not know if I had wanted to date him more because I only had one date. The other time I had talked to him while he was NOT drunk, he was very nice and kind and compassionate. I like that in a guy. Other than giving him the number and going out to dinner with him, I don't know why he thinks we are a couple, especially since I told him I was not comfortable with the affection he started to give me.

As of last night, I want to tell him that I do not want to converse with him while drunk and I do not want to be a couple since he drinks way too much (he drove while drunk to see me the one time). If I say my gut, which is "go away," then I am afraid he will think I never want to talk to him which is not the case. When I say I want to be friends and chat, I mean I want to be friends and chat. I do not want to talk on the phone, and I have told him this more than once. Once while he was drunk, and once at dinner that one time. I explained to him why as well. I may have said it more than that, but I remember those two times. I have a lot of guy friends. I prefer guy friends over lady friends, and when he is sober, he is nice to chat with. I don't want to hurt him so much that he thinks that I never want to chat, because that is not the case. I just don't want to be a couple, and as I said, it was firmly decided last night *after* the exchange of texts.

I don't know. I am not TRYING to be vague. The lack of communication had nothing to do with him. It was that I have been busy with court and trying to get custody of my kids. He knows I am doing this and he knows it has been hectic for me. I told him this when we first talked. When he does something I don't like, I tell him. I had told him I was busy. I had told him I would talk to him later. He still tried to talk, and he tried to call several times

He was texting me while I wrote the OP. I started writing when he made the first call that I did not answer. It wasn't that I thought I told him to go away and he wouldn't, it is that I NEED to tell him something, and as long as he is sober, I do not mind talking, but I do not want to date. I had not told him this because I did not make that decision firmly until after he texted. I don't want to hurt him by having him think I do not want to talk at all, but I also do not want this to escalate.

I'll reply to this tomorrow - there are a few things I want to mention about your post. But i'm sleepy right now so I'll get back to you tomorrow..

So you want to be platonic friends with him, but only when he's not drunk?

It sounds like the real problem here is his drinking, have you told him that?

From your description, he sounds like he might be alcoholic, not AS, and maybe the son of an alcoholic in the way that he seems to be so needy/clingy, and trying to take unwarrented responsibility for you and your daughter already.

My 2 cent analysis aside, I think you need to cut off all communication. As I said before, you're not doing him any favors by not hurting him now. He has shown you the type of person he is. This IS the type of person he is, and will be. He will not magically change for you. The change that does happen, if it does, will happen on his own when he realizes he needs to change.

I agree with this. He sounds like a toxic individual, and you don't need that around your children in any capacity. I know it's hard to cut a human being off like dead, but you have children.

"but you have children"

Exactly. I do want to stress again that I didn't come to these conclusions until last night. It is not that I have known the guy for a long time and have strung him along. It is also not that I have been trying to avoid him for a long time. This has all happened quickly. Last night when writing the OP is when I came to these conclusions. It has me in shock. I have never had to deal with this before.

As for the only friends when he is not drunk comment, no I did not say that. I said I don't want to talk to him when he is drunk. That's when he creeps me out. I can and probably will cut all communications at this point, but it takes me some time to come to a resolution. I cannot make a snap decision to do this. I need time to work it out in my head. Also, cutting it out over text is... blah. I would have to call him, which I don't want to do either because of the phone phobia. I would rather email it. That way I could say what I want to say how I want to say it.

The reason I am thinking he is AS is because of my initial conversations with him. I still think he is AS, but I also agree that he is most likely an Alcoholic.

@Grisha: The reason I have not told him about the drinking is because I only saw him drunk once before. It was last night that I realized that this is probably more of a thing he normally does. The first time was on a weekend, and he said he had been watching a game on TV. I know guys sometimes drink while watching games, so I decided to just keep an eye on it. And now that I think about it, I am pretty sure I let him know I was not comfortable with him showing up drunk like he did.

i dont think you know him well enough or for long enough to tell him to stop drinking so much. if i was him, i would not respond well. i think if you have a problem with the drinking, you have a problem with him as a whole package in which case text him "i thought i was ready to make new friends but i'm not into it, i don't want to be friends anymore and i think we should stop texting each other, sorry"