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nikidi
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Joined: 30 Nov 2015
Age: 32
Posts: 2

13 Dec 2015, 4:16 pm

There is this girl i chatted with on whatsapp.Anyway after a month after the first chat on whatsapp we get the chance to know each other live,and after a few days we go to bed.She had recently broke up with her boyfriend after he had abused with her in an emotional way.Anyway we spend a lot of time together,like getting dinner together and things like this,but after two weeks we get into an argument and we kind of break up for a few days.Anyway i chat her and we go to dinner and go back to the same relationship we had after seeing her.But this time i treat her in a great way,but she told to me that we are just friends?!We had slept several times...She told me she had just broken up and she did not want to run fast and get heartbroken again,but we behave like a normal couple we even hold hands or kiss on the street...I told to her well the better term would be f**kbuddies but she did not accept...And while in bed I told her if I am your friend why do we go to bed together?.She told me :cause I like you..(Actually I know she likes me for a fact since one of her bestfriends is my bestfriend).If I don't message her she will call me or message me back.Now what I don't understand is why does she behave this way with me and does not accept me as her boyfriend?(All her friends know we go to bed or do the things we do anyway).This situation is just confusing....



Outrider
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Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 26
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Location: Australia

14 Dec 2015, 7:50 am

Like she said to you, I think she's very much afraid. Afraid of commitment, meaning she's worried she'll get hurt again and doesn't want to get attached or begin a new relationship too quickly.

It's not you at all, but her.

I'd say sir to just go with the flow.

Continue with how things are now and maybe don't bring it up with her as it may be making her uncomfortable to talk about.

But, don't be too worried or upset that she's behaving this way - you practically do have a girlfriend, and she basically is your girlfriend, it's just she's too afraid to admit it for now.

Give it some time, continue to treat her well, and she will come around and accept you as the new person in her life.

I do understand though why it might be hard for you if things are unconfirmed. I know I'd want things to be confirmed myself, but if I was in your shoes I probably would just say 'Okay..we're friends...sure' without really meaning it and continue to do all the boyfriend-y stuff with her. And then, eventually, when introducing you to her friends or family, she'll most likely call you the b friend word.

If, however, after a month's time or two nothing changes, it's best to confront her over it. Not angry but calm, mature and with empathy. Express your concerns and tell her things have been going well and you'd like to discuss exclusivity and officially recognize each other as each other's partner.

If you need help just ask here at WP and we will do our best.

Good luck.



nikidi
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Joined: 30 Nov 2015
Age: 32
Posts: 2

16 Dec 2015, 4:44 pm

Outrider wrote:
Like she said to you, I think she's very much afraid. Afraid of commitment, meaning she's worried she'll get hurt again and doesn't want to get attached or begin a new relationship too quickly.

It's not you at all, but her.

I'd say sir to just go with the flow.

Continue with how things are now and maybe don't bring it up with her as it may be making her uncomfortable to talk about.

But, don't be too worried or upset that she's behaving this way - you practically do have a girlfriend, and she basically is your girlfriend, it's just she's too afraid to admit it for now.

Give it some time, continue to treat her well, and she will come around and accept you as the new person in her life.

I do understand though why it might be hard for you if things are unconfirmed. I know I'd want things to be confirmed myself, but if I was in your shoes I probably would just say 'Okay..we're friends...sure' without really meaning it and continue to do all the boyfriend-y stuff with her. And then, eventually, when introducing you to her friends or family, she'll most likely call you the b friend word.

If, however, after a month's time or two nothing changes, it's best to confront her over it. Not angry but calm, mature and with empathy. Express your concerns and tell her things have been going well and you'd like to discuss exclusivity and officially recognize each other as each other's partner.

If you need help just ask here at WP and we will do our best.

Good luck.

First of all thank you for the response.Actually I am happy that i have even this kind of relationship with this girl right now,you know how difficult it is for an aspie male to get one...Actually that's what she said to me,she is too afraid to get into a relationship right now,or just to behave like she is in one.But one thing I know for sure is that she is attracted to me in a romantic way,or at least a sexual one.Once,thinking she was ignoring me,I told to her that I want to break,she chastised for it and even although I told her i don't want to even see her anymore she kept calling me...