What is your primary driving factor for dating

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It just occured to me that when most ppl talk about rejection they either cite lonelyness or lack of sex. Now, "lack of sex" I always knew is shallow, it is not even a factor for me. As far as "loneliness", yes it would bother me. But it just occured to me that something else bothers me a lot more. Namely, the reason behind the rejection. That reason is the fact that NTs judge me and this plainly angers me. Now, if I were to imagine myself being extremely naive and "not knowing" that NTs are judging me, would plain loneliness bother me nearly as much? Well, yeah, I would feel lonely, I know I would. But I wouldn't be nearly as obsessed about it as I am now, nor would I be nearly as desperate to fix it. But when I KNOW that the reality of a situation is that I am being "punished" for something, it makes me even feel stupid to even think about being "lonely" or whatever the case might be. Doing so would be as stupid as someone in jail complaining about "missing their family" instead of the plain fact that they haven't committed the crime they are in jail for. So, because of this, my main motivation to dating is to "prove" the society "wrong" and "show" either myself or others that I "can" in fact have a girl. Then, of course, when it goes well, I feel a lot less lonely and a lot better; but to an extend this is just a side benefit. So I guess to me, my moties go in this order: FIRST status, THEN loneliness, THEN sex. Does anyone else has it in this order?

What about "finding a romantic partner with whom to spend my life"?

lets say for the sake of keeping the poll small that goes under loneliness as you want to spend your life with somebody because you don't want to be alone. I will choose loneliness as well even though all i was looking for when i met my wife (2 years ago) was somebody to get drunk with and have a laugh. I wouldn't say i was particularly "lonely" but its better to drink with somebody else rather than be alone.

edit: i'm not sure about status as one of the options. i'm not sure how its applicable. being single is not frowned on in any way where i live for people under 30. i feel it is frowned on being married and under 30, many feel it's too young.

Opportunity for sex and/or relief from loneliness. Status is irrelevant to me.

I don't have one. I only ever wanted a relationship when I found someone I had romantic feelings for.

Good question. On the one hand my attitude is that things that "don't" last the lifetime are pointless. Once they are "gone", all it means is that I just wasted a bunch of time. On the other hand, any thought about marriage makes me feel "trapped". As a Christian I don't believe in divorce, so I hate the idea of being "stuck" with anyone (no matter how good) and not being able to leave. But then, at the same time, I don't like breakups either since they involve hurting either me or my partner or both. So I guess I kind of want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to be in a secure relationship that CAN last lifetime and at the same time I don't want it to be irrevocably declared that it lasts lifetime. Maybe that is part of my dillemma since most people either want to marry or they want something casual which to me I want something somewhere in between.

But I don't- it's not the avoidance of loneliness, but the wanting of companionship,
just as me going to school to get a degree isn't motivated by wanting to avoid being poor forever, but because I want the fulfillment of a career.

I'm sure there are plenty of people nowadays who want a relationship without the trappings of marriage.

One of the biggest lies ever perpetrated is, "I promise to love .... 'til death do us part".

My motives are usually about validation. I really like it when a date sincerely laughs at my jokes and we have interesting conversations and he smiles convincingly when he sees me. (because for the last 4 years I've met all but one of my dates online and I don't photograph well, so it's rewarding to see their fear that I'll be ugly evaporate) (Not that I'm a stunner or anything)

Oh, but also, I'm a terrible liar so I don't/can't date people I'm not interested in so I can't really date for status. For instance: the guy I'm interested in right now reminds me a little bit of a hobbit, always wears hawaiian shirts, and works for the same employer as me so I know he doesn't make a lot of money. But he's also funny and smart and really hobbity-cute.

Oh god Fnord, now I want to give you a hug!

That is what I always assumed. But, if I take the two long term girlfriends I had, in both cases I was confronted with the fact that I was wrong. Once we are a year into relationship, they wanted to marry, and the fact that I didn't created a lot of fights. At the same time, in both cases they described themselves as not looking to marriage when the relationship started. Yet they changed their mind once it got more serious.

In my mind I was putting "validation" and "status" in the same category. The only girls I could get were the overweight ones, so it couldn't get me a status in the way you are describing it. But at the same time I got status with THEM, at least in the mind of "somebody" I am "worth it" (even if the "somebody" themselves have low status). So I guess in your language this would be closer to validation.

This is my belief as well. When I was younger it might have been about sex (which didn't happen), and then I got a little older it was about loneliness. But using my loneliness as the driving force only made me desperate, which is a downward spiral as many of you know. Oh, I'm still lonely...it's just not a frame of mind I use any longer while dating.

Putting the focus on companionship, on having fun in the moment is much easier and seems to take the pressure off. Plus, if you're dragging the loneliness baggage around with you on the date, I think it gives off a depressing vibe.

I chose "lonliness" as the best proxy for "companionship" - I don't consider myself "lonely".

I tried dating exclusively for sex and found out that it wasn't what I was looking for...

I have a pet bird, so it's not loneliness. I have a PhD and patents issued and pending, and my basic needs are met, so it's not status.

I know! It's so I've got someone to talk to about cars, computers and sciency stuff. No, wait, I'm already up to my eyeballs in that.

What could it be?



A woman with a wheelbarrow full of her own fine hair. Hmmm.

Touching "filthy and repulsive things every day" sounds niiice.