Any ways to tell if a mate is manipulative?

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I think that one of the things that stresses me about a future relationship is not knowing how to tell if a woman is trying to take advantage of me (like Claudia did). How can I tell if a woman is leading me on? How can I tell if she's just a tease?

If anyone has any advice on how to spot people like that, that would be great.

Tim

I think humility is probably a good sign. Does she accept gifts or compliments very easily? Or worse yet, does she fish for both? I've only had two relationships (if you could call them that) in my life, and both were sort of disasters, so I don't know that I'm worth my salt. But I think even the most confident and self-assertive women (and men) should have some humble qualities if they're worth being with.

Sometimes they're exactly like their mother. Would it have helped to check out Claudia's mother as another version of Claudia?

Check if they're an Aspie!

Dominant traits can include:

- self-obsession, albeit mainly negative
- a craving for company
- unconventional ways of viewing the world
- a desire for order and routine
- strong sense of right and wrong, and intolerance of ambiguity
- intolerance of small-talk and other social conventions
- frustration and anger
- poor interpersonal skills

I'm not trying to berate Aspies, but merely point out that we can be very demanding and confusing partners ourselves. Things we think are totally rational may be very challenging to an NT, and because of our difficulties with communication it is hard to explain why we feel the way we do. Hence the feelings of despair and not fitting in.

Other people can be very manipulative and demanding but the real question is, are they any worse than you are? Is it superficial or symptomatic of some deeper issues? Could there be an element of misunderstanding because either a). you are mis-reading the signs, or b). they are complex and their actions don't always reflect how they really feel?

All people have faults. I'm willing to accept the faults of others provided they try their best and they're equally willing to forgive mine. Manipulation is when someone wants everything their own way and won't offer anything in exchange. If you feel you're being treated unfairly, explain how you feel and see if it can be sorted out. You may find that there have been assumptions made which can be easily corrected. If you don't like talking, write a letter (but don't forget to explain why talking is difficult!).

If it still feels as though you're the one making the effort all of the time, you're probably being used. Walk away.

My best friend is extremely manipulative. It's only recently I've started to stand upto her.

They like things to go their way, and will go about anything to do it.
I don't really know about manipulative relationships, though.

Easy. If the mate is of female sex, she is manipulative. It's harder to tell by men.

I have a NT friend of the same gender (female), who i seem to find quite manipulative. She seems to think i should be more like her & not myself. She gets me to join in things that interest her!, but she does not want to do anything that interests me.

I do not know how to stand up to her and tell her how i feel. I am afraid i will loose her as friend.

This may not be the kind of help you two are looking for, but if your friends are really that manipulative, do you really want to keep them?

I used to think that maintaining relationships was important until last July. My ex-girlfriend was such a manipulative you-know-what. Since breaking up with her, my life became easier and less stressful. Now I have a much better girlfriend and friends.

If you need friends, you can find some here. I'm always willing to make new friends.

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... list.shtml

Well, that's the way a real man would behave.

My ex did over half the things on that list, and she continues to do #55, especially on alldeaf.com, a forum my girlfriend and I are on a lot (because my ex is deaf and my current gf is learning sign language).

figures you would approve of the behavior on that list considering the fact that you take pleasure in women getting raped.




dude you need to stop focusing on your ex shes history. Just rid your hands of her(esepcially since you have a new g/f), learn whatever lesson you can gain from the relationship, and move on. Life moves forward not backward.

BTW I am linux geek myself.

I don't know if this applies to all aspies, I suspect it applies to a lot of us, but I know that I often fail to listen to my gut instinct about people. I don't put words to the feeling in my guts when something is not quite right in a relationship. Or, if I do manage to articulate my discomfort with someone's behavior, I don't take a strong enough stand or stop to think of strategies to deal with the manipulative behavior. In the past I have let such behavior continue, and felt myself to be in a state of numbed confusion about what to do especially when someone covertly manipulates me.

I am learning more about personal boundaries now and I hope to do better in this area in the future so that I am not so easily manipulated by other people.

Do you realize what you just stepped in?

I think the survival instincts that you are referring to are perfectly legitimate, women being the traditional "weaker sex" and all, although in modern times those instincts have taken on a slightly different connotation. When you really look closely, everyone is manipulative. It's just that most men are so predictable and easy for some women to manipulate that we truly deserve what we get for being so shallow, ignorant and pliable.

Since we all try to manipulate our world, I try to use the inner feeling I get from a relationship as a judge of whether or not I like the balance of the manipulations we work on each other. Knowing all the time that relationships are temporary also helps us to define our expectations.

I do want to keep her because i need some people to talk too, and i get along with her most of the time i just wish she shared some of my interests. I will just need to learn how to speak out and voice my opinion.

It is good to know i have some people too talk to on here, i find it very hard to talk about any of these issues out loud and in person to family and friends.

Yes. Women are evil, especially NT women, so I don't care how they are treated or what their feelings are. They don't give a damn if I'm alive or dead so why would I bother if they got betrayed or raped?