I finally have a girlfriend! :D But...need couple activities

Post Reply New Topic

You know all these years I've been on here (well not THAT many but still), from the very start I've complained about being single and talked relentlessly about how much I wish to find love, talked about all the problems preventing my from finding someone: my pickiness, my lack of compatibility with just about anyone, the difficulty with approaching people, etc.

Well, for over a month now I've been taken. (Haven't had time to go on here.) We found each other online, on a gothic dating site that makes it uber-hard to contact people for free users. (Seriously.) We managed to exchange emails, then phone calls, then met up just as friends a few times before I told her I'd be her boyfriend if she'd be my girlfriend. It's all happened quite fast but I am so happy! I feel such a strong connection to her: we share similar taste in art, she's intelligent, she shares my cynical nature (We're both like, "This is going too well so something terrible must happen!"), she hates a lot of the things I hate--many of which I rarely come across anyone my age who shares my hatred for them! (i.e. sunshine, burritos, rap/hip-hop, smoking, drugs, heights, etc.) She's also very flexible and considerate to my sensory defensiveness--so while she likes the music on super loud, I like to turn it down so that my ears don't hurt, and she's totally fine with that. We're both extremely passionate people, too, so we have great physical chemistry.

Here's the problem though. We both dislike many of the same things, but because we both dislike so much, it's hard to figure out what to actually, er, DO. Like, we can see movies, go to concerts if there's a band we both like, walk around somewhere, dance together (maybe at a goth club), go to some sort of event, or something...but a lot of things that couples traditionally do, neither of us is particularly keen on doing, which is quite limiting. I'm fine with just staying in and doing nothing and holding each other all day, but she likes to go out and do things, which I like to do too but we're both very indecisive about just what we SHOULD do. I wonder if in fact it's better to have a significant other who is unlike you in some ways--one who likes doing a lot of things you're just okay with, so they can drag you there and you don't mind because you're with them; or one who is more decisive than you are. (My girlfriend and I are at the same level of indecisiveness, probably because we're both so used to not liking so much and having to put up with things we don't like and holding our tongue about it. We're both willing to eventually become decisive, but not at first.)

So, I'm curious: as an aspie, what have you all done in your relationships? What would you recommend two people who dislike everything should do together in their spare time? Do you think it's indeed better to date someone who is less like you and likes things you're just okay with, rather than someone who is almost scarily like you in their preferences?

Last edited by Veresae on 28 Mar 2009, 2:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Perhaps going out to eat would be good, or going to a movie.

(I know that sounds like a cliche, but that's all I can think of)

Does your area have experimental theater - fringe-type stuff? Usually, those kinds of performances are inexpensive & they are always doing something out of the ordinary. We even have one theater here that has a bowling alley attached & they serve dinner in the theater (the food is very eclectic - organic bison & wild-caught salmon, etc.) but you have to hold your plate on your lap, because there are no tables - standard theater seating. - It's a real experience & something to talk about afterward.

How about going to ballroom latin dacing lessons together, if you live near a university there is a good chance that the university in term time will have a ballroom & latin club which will offer lessons.

It might sound odd, but the two of you might find that you get a liking for going things such as the jive, cha cha and waltz. I think that jive and cha cha are great, most popular music is 4/4 and you can do the jive or cha cha to that.

It looks super good to other folk if they see you and your young lady doing things such as jive or cha cha, so it can be used to enhance your social standing.

I guess subcultures have their perks after all. Too bad they always seem superficial to me.

My boyfriend and I don't really do much in the way of different things. We both love video games though, so either we'll keep an eye out for and play two player games together, or we'll end up watching the other play them. Keeps us from getting bored anyway when all else fails and we're just sitting there.

We do that too.

But we also like to watch films, TV, buy stuff (we both do the "I like nice things" singalong when we're out shopping). We recently went round the Walker Art Gallery in Liverpool, and the museum next-door. Maybe cultural things in your area would be nice to go together?

Fortunately (sometimes unfortunately), my partner and I work together in the same place, so we usually spend a lot of time living out of eachother's pockets!

Beyond movies, food, and walks, my boyfriend and I like to drive around and listen to music sometimes. It can be cool to explore randomly.

If there's a zoo, you could go to the zoo. I don't know if that's a "typical" couple activity or not. Probably, but animals are neat.

Going out to eat: oh we do that a tiny bit but not much because we're both HELLA picky (and most unorthodox) eaters. XD

Movies: yep we do that.

Subcultures and their perks: oh yes. If a subculture speaks to you, by all means join it. You probably won't be accepted or totally relate to most people in it, true. I can't relate to 90% of self-proclaimed goths, but I can relate to that 10% way more than anyone else. Besides, it's nice to feel connected to a group somehow.

Video games: we've done this a little. She's not big on video games unfortunately and I don't play them as much as I used to.

Go around and look for stuff to buy: lol. We're both waaaay too peevish about money to do this regularly, the economy being what it is. Plus as a student I don't exactly have a job. I do buy her things on occasion, though.

Museums, zoos, etc.: Yes we definitely intend to do these things at some point.

Hey, congrats man. I don't have any new activities for you but I just wanted to say congrats.

At this point, I'd date anyone as long as they were not irritable or abusive towards me.

Yeah, that's the problem... none of the established subcultures really "speak to me." Plus, I would feel like I had to constantly "put on a show" for others so that I wouldn't get kicked out, instead of just being myself. It would be nice if I could spend more time with others who shared my interests, though.

i always thought it might be funky and fun to force myself to do things i DON'T like in some random and daring way. to try new places and experiences i would never truly consider. i was thinking i'd get small pieces of paper and write down one place or activity on each separate piece of paper and then fold them all and put them in a box or jar or hat and then mix them up and then pick one and just do what the paper says whether i wanted to or not.