Paradoxical love

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I had a boyfriend for 4 months, we were in love...we were both aspies.
But he wasn't LDS, or for that fact religious.
That was the reason we broke-up.
If he was going to marry me someday, he needed to be baptized into my religion.
Since that wasn't going to happen, I am back to square one.

Thing is....I'm screwed when it comes to love.
See, I'm one of the very, very, very, very few aspies who are LDS...there are some Christians out there, but basically, no aspie wants to be a member because it is a very social religion. I understand that it is a challenge, but I try my hardest because I have faith in it. Faith is a hard concept for aspies because it means trust in something not proven.

Next time I get a boyfriend, he will have to be of the same faith of me, because you marry who you date and I want to get married in the temple.

Mind that, I am an aspie. I absolutely adored having a partner that understood all my aspie social, physical, mental issues.
And, there are a lot of aspie guys out there that are single....just none of them are mormon.
I was talking to someone the other day, and it seems that most aspie guys would go out of their way to get an aspie girl.
Seeing as the odds are 4 men for every 1 woman...I'd have the ultimate pick, right? You'd think....No.

I can't have aspie and mormon.
Which sucks, big time.
Because the two elements are very paradoxical, I have an almost impossible dating realm.

I know that I am pretty, and I am interesting, and funny, and a good catch....but I also know I'm crazy, medically, I'm out of college for two (non-violent but angry or anxious) melt-downs and one call to a certain hotline from a panic attack.

So, I have to figure out a way to be honest, but not too trusting, but find someone LDS, who will either be an aspie or understand my issues and not belittle or think less of me. THEN I have other issues like I'm vegetarian, or I don't like cleaning, or etc. And I also like blue eyes and the person to be in shape.

I don't want to settle, but I don't want to end up alone.
All of my friends have been telling me I'll find someone and that I shouldn't have to settle, and I'm awesome and etc.
But I want to hear it straight-up....

What are the chances of me meeting someone who I don't have to settle for?
*Religiously
*Mentally
*Socially
*Environmentally
*Physically
etc

Tell it to me, I need to hear this.

When my partner has a different religious view from me I do not expect them to participate in it or I theirs. Beliefs are a personal matter and your or needing to be with someone who believes in the same religion as you sounds kinda stupid. Religion should ultimately come second to a loving relationship. If a partner of mine does not respect my beliefs and wants me to change as a person then we are not meant for each other but I'd never ask them to change or interferer with them expressing themselves. Mutual respect is my most important thing in a relationship I think your expectations are too high and you could miss out on finding a fulfilling partner.

Last edited by Angel_ryan on 24 Nov 2011, 5:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Your a nice, nice girl, and I wish you luck in finding someone to make you smile every day

The thing about our age, you either understand happiness, or love, but not yet both.

I'm an Aspie and LDS, I think my religeon is what made me social in the first place.

And I don't think that every one else here understands that the other person MUST be baptized or else it won't work out.

Not sure to say here. I don't know much about your religion so I don't know what are the exact rules when it comes to partners who don't share your religion. Still, I must tell you that a NT partner might be an option, too. If he's understanding, it can work and he can help you with some stuff you as an Aspie are not good at. Of course, not all Aspies are open to dating a NT, so you must see what works best for you.

My husband is an agnostic and it's never been much of a problem for me.

That seems very limiting doesn't it?
You could find an incredible kind loving person who you love physically and psychologically and not want to be with them because they are not a part of just that one aspect of your life?
I don't think your just born into a religion I think it's a personal choice. I was baptized catholic but I do not support or believe in the religion my family tried to raise me into.
I do not agree with it at all now that I know my true self after reaching adulthood.

It does feel limiting, but if we love someone, why would we want to lose them after death. In our church, if you get married in the temple (which requires baptism) you are married after death and are sealed together. I'd think, if you truly loved someone...you'd want eternity with them..not just till death do us part.

I think there are some things you can 'settle' or compromise over. But for someone of your age, assuming you want marriage and kids, and knowing you a little bit and having some knowledge of your church, I think you need someone who is LDS.

You want to remain part of the LDS community? And bring your children up in that religion? And be able to discuss your beliefs and philosophy? I think it is a strong part of your identity, your purpose in life? If so then that seems the one compromise you shouldn't make.

Other things, like having blue eyes or even being in shape, are far less important. Someone who is in shape at 20 may not be at 30 or 40. It's a person's soul, their whole outlook on life, their priorities, what gets them up in the morning, that's what matters, not their physical appearance. Not in the long run certainly.

The aspie aspect is more tricky. But I don't think a person needs to be aspie to understand you, and learn your ways. They just need to desire to do so, and someone who wants to spend the rest of their life (and beyond) with you will want to know you completely.
If you can find an aspie mormon that would obviously be ideal, but I think you need mormon more than you need aspie.

But that's just my limited insight after knowing you a short while.

If there is an after life because honestly no one really knows than don't you think the person you fall in love with is going to be with you regardless of religion. If the god of your religion is all loving wouldn't they except your lover without discrimination towards what your partner believed in life? The rituals are all meaningless even marriage unless you give them meaning by believing in them. If you believe in the love you shear with another person that should be what binds you eternally and nothing else or the opinion of a god.

Yeah, I have to wonder the same thing as Angel_ryan. Would you pass up someone who was great for you in all other ways because he either didn't share the same religion or wasn't religious at all? That seems kinda restrictive to me.

I dunno, I'm not religious so I guess I don't fully get it.

First, I think you are way too young to be worried about ending up alone.

I think it also might be good for you to figure out what's vital and what's not. It seems to me that things like faith and shared values might be non-negotiable, but things like eye color probably will become negotiable for you, in time.

Also, I don't think it's impossible for you to feel accepted and understood by someone without an Asperger's diagnosis. There is actually a lot to say for being with someone who compliments your strengths and weaknesses, especially in a long-term relationship.

I can't improve upon what Henbane said, I can only second it. There are plenty of NTs out there who are willing/able to love and understand Aspies, I can't see why there wouldn't be any in the LDS Church, in fact, I suspect they may even be more common there.

You're a great catch the way you are, you just (apparently) haven't met the right guy yet...

The hotter you are, the lower your chances.
My impression from your post: be prepared to die alone for the next 3 life-times. (:

Who're the Former-Day Saints, then...?

I am hot...k?! !! !
That is rude!

They are LDS.

i think ur standards are fine the way they are

baptism and the whole 9 yards

looking for someone who is the same religion as u that u can be in a relationship with is pretty ideal

and honestly if i had anything in common(other than religion of course) with the young adults who are apart of my church id probably be seeking the same thing

but its good to see a woman set a standard like religion and i wish u the best with it

I think you are very brave writing this on a forum where alot of people will not understand the motivating factors for your strong faith. I am guessing people are baptized into LDS church at an age where they have made a decision that this is the faith for them and are committed to it and your not saying you need someone who's parents had him baptized (i think some people have msunderstood this).

I totally understand where you are coming from feeling that you want to share your life with someone who has made the same decision to get baptized into the faith that you did. You want to share what you love with someone else.

I've only spoken to a couple of mormons, but I gather that it is a whole way of life that you would want to share with someone you love. It's not a label or just something to do on Sundays and forget about the rest of the week. It helps to have a partner who can support your decisions in a world that seems to look down on religion.

I personaly need someone who will support me. I want to go home to someone who understands these things in my heart. Who won't belittle my faith, who will stand up for me when my athiest father attacks my faith (but thats my own personal life) I guess your family is lds and you want someone to become part of the family completely. I will never have that as my whole family disagree with my religion.

I personally imagine that if i did marry a guy who didn't feel so strongly about my faith he might feel left out of part ofmy life or i might feel sad that I can't share the things that are most important to me with my partner.

But you are young. You may be surprised by how much you mature over the net few years and what coping skills you develope in how you manage your as. Use the time you have as a single person to grow and work out who you are inside. Then when the right guy comes along you will feel confident in who you are as a person.

You never know who is going to come along in your life, so don't dispair.

Sounds good that your religion is sociable, hopefully that gets you out and about and meeting new people, so lots of opportunity to find a nice guy within your church organization. You just need to be patient.

I'm sorry if i've made assumptions about your church, but I don't really know any mormons. All the best. x