"Heartless b*****s"(includes words of advice)

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I was recently talking to a female friend and she brought up the "nice guy syndrome".
Now its not the first time that Ive heard about such phenom but she provided me with a website that put bluntly why females avoid "nice guys"(and no the reason isnt that they are only looking for jerks)

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... guys.shtml

To quote some of the higlits of this article include:

-What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

-Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

And those are just from the beginning of the article.

So now you have two choices, either pretend that this isnt here and go on complaining about how females suck because all your attempts failed or try to read this kind of thing hoping to learn where you went wrong.

edit:I was recently approached to avoid using certain words and all I can say on that aspect is Im trying but its just the name of the website and theres nothing I can do about it.

Last edited by spongy on 12 Oct 2011, 2:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

Heartless b*****s is great! I joined them many years ago. Glad to see they're still up and running.

They are 100% correct about "nice guys".

This really worries me because half of the text on the main page describes my behaviour e.g., i don't like myself and i'm scared of losing people and will do anything to avoid conflict. apparently according to the article, I need to start liking myself to have an LTR. thing is i don't even want to try to like myself; it feels dirty, arrogant, and out of character. i think i need to find a way round this and quickly!




you could put quote marks around your thread title perhaps?

Great article, it's good for guys to learn from their mistakes too. Here are some traits a self-proclaimed nice guy will display.

1. Is just as manipulative in the intentions of his "niceness" as an as*hole is with abuse.
2. Claims to be a nice guy but befriends women with the sole intention of sleeping with them.
3. Refuses to settle for a physically less attractive woman but expects woman to settle for him.
4. Thinks that kindness makes him different from the 100 other good guy friends a girl has or feel it makes her obliged to him.
5. Places a girl on a pedestal and sacrifices his own desires and sense of self to please her, always seeks approval from the girl.

Women don't want a guy who's going to become needy and put her on a pedestal. Women don't want a guy who is worried that she's got a new boyfriend or has dumped him simply because she doesn't text back in an hour. Women don't want a guy who's over analytical about every little detail and insecurity or fears rejection. Women don't want a guy who sits around in self-pity hyping his insecurities, they want someone with belief. Women want guys that are perceived as desirable, that hold value in themselves and don't compromise. Stop caring and start letting go.

Last edited by Wolfheart on 12 Oct 2011, 2:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes my first reaction to this link was: "wow so much from here could be applied to me" and my friend was like "but you are not a nice guy are you" which is when I replied that while not everything on that article can be taken out of context I have what she described as a doormat attitude and I need to work on that.

I basically posted it because I think that some of us could really benefit from reading this

Thanks for the advice

:) I feel so touched that you amended your title. I really need to get out more!

Your first reaction to the link comforts me in a way because i don't feel like i'm the only one that could have any link to it. I do take the article with a pinch of salt though but it serves its purpose of keeping me aware of my flaws. i think this is half the battle: The dangerous 'nice guys' are those that fail to see where they are going wrong - that is the distinction. whoops, was that an attempt to justify my spineless personality? hehe

Last edited by bucephalus on 12 Oct 2011, 3:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

Before you start hyping your insecurities, you need to get out the house, talk to a girl and not give a single damn about rejection. The more you hype your insecurities and flaws, the more you'll set yourself up for failure or procrastinate on them.

You're absolutely correct. However, I already have a girlfriend :D whom i love too much to be tempted into chatting up random girls!... I'm participating in this thread because I want to continue trying to improve my personality and avoid being complacent

Actually, the site stretches the definition of "nice guy" and uses pseudo-logic and biased interpretation of facts. However, many women tend to think in a similar biased way, so it's indeed true about what many women like.

I'm glad that I'm aware of the nice guy thing and I avoid it (I use the real definition of "nice guy", not the stretched definition this site uses - if I decide to avoid the other things they mean by "nice guy", I'll define them as something else and avoid them separately, though most of the things never really applied to me).

This little quote illustrates very well what I meant when I said that the site stretches the definition of "nice guy".

Anyway, the info on the site is one more reason why aspie males perform bad with women. People tend to set their attitude based on what they think other people like, and aspies are bad at determining what other people like. It looks like even aspie women dislike that type of guys, so maybe we should try to behave neurotypically for aspie women?

Women don't like deception.. they don't like men pretending they are nice so I don't think they'd like men pretending to "neurotypical" either.. that and I doubt someone with aspergers could fake not having it.

On the bright side, for aspie guys -

Aspie guys can come across as cold/emotionless (the more mature, confident ones).

And some women fall HARD for a guy who comes across as cold/emotionless.

It's like a "variation" of the "bad guy".

A hard man is good to find.

right, so everything i do is supposed to be "bad"?, i thought i started to gain a little understanding of women...
guess i't time to put some external coping mechanisms to work, they make me look 'cold', 'secure' and 'distanced' enough...

Your feelings deceive you. A little bit of swagger is good and healthy. And liking yourself doesn't mean you don't need improvement... in fact, it's needed so you'll care enough about yourself to put effort into self-improvement.

And chicks dig it, so there's no real downside...

Isn't this essentially the same as the whole "Women are attracted to 'bad boys' because they think they can change them." thing?

Anyway, it's good advice, although experience has already driven the point home for me.

What I wrote was an observation, not a set of instructions. When aspie men gain confidence they can come across as cold because the neediness disappears and the aspie inability-to-express-empathy-or-read-emotions part remains.

It's like, aspie guys go from being really insecure and needy when young, to being cold and seemingly self-sufficient when they mature (if they're lucky). There's no in-between. It doesn't mean they're not lovable - I've loved two of them. It just takes a particular kind of female to love and accept the aspie-ness.

It sounds like a cliche but it is true what they say - you must be yourself. It is the ONLY path to true confidence.

Don't worry - many aspies gain confidence with age. I had zero confidence in my 20s but I'm a very different person now in my 30s.

A male friend of mine was really confident around me when I was young, insecure and neurotic. He gave me a lot of help and support. Now, ten years later, I'm much more grown up and confident, and it seems to intimidate him. Which is annoying.