Mind-boggling, NT-like Experience in a Club One Night

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One of my distant friends, who's a very popular but good-natured guy, invited me to go with his group on a bar night this past Friday; the theme was spoofing the movie "Straw Dogs". I know him fairly well, and sort-of knew some people in the group, while others were new (new to me, at least). We, all 10 of us, met in a Cajun restaurant where we had a long dinner. I was a little shy at first, but the "leader" introduced me, and somehow, I warmed up to everyone pretty quickly, and felt only minimal discomfort, if at all. Most people in the group seemed to even appreciate my jokes. Two people seemed interested enough in the steamed crawfish I got, that they ordered the same thing and complimented me on giving them ideas. All this, especially considering that an aspie would get eaten alive in the town where "Straw Dogs" is set.

After dinner, we proceeded to move from bar to bar, while putting on alter-egos of the movie characters. At our third stop, I found myself getting bored, so I resigned myself to watching recorded WWE wrestling on one of the TV screens, while drinking a beer and eating from a complimentary bowl of Chex mix. Suddenly, one woman in the group, who said she noticed me at the dinner earlier, started talking to me. She had that peaceful, innocent look, so I felt comfortable with her. Now, I'm in my late 20's, and she's only a few years older. Although based on her actions later, it'd seem she was younger. As we talked, I found her quite intriguing, and it turned out we have quite a few of the same interests.

As we moved from bar to bar, the chemistry (yes, I actually used that word, and I don't even believe in it) was rising slowly but noticeably. On top of that, one of the next few bars was more fun, with TVs showing Winamp visualizations that I loved. Physical contact with her progressed from friendly slaps on the shoulder to hand-touches to snuggling. At our last stop in a dance club, after we've had quite a few drinks the whole evening, sh*t hit the fan! We ended up in a frenzied make-out right in the middle of a crowded dance floor. Then, when her friend called and said she was coming soon, we moved outside to wait for her, and proceeded to make out the same way on a busy street, across the street from a bus terminal, in plain view of an empty police car (deterring DUI's, probably). One car honked while going past.

Her friend pulled up, and after a good-night kiss, and an awkward "hi there" wave to the friend, the girl left. I had to smoke two cigarettes to calm down. A few guys gave me a thumbs-up and a "man, good job"; girls had slightly more mixed reactions. I felt like I was in high school again, reliving my youth that I never really had. (Only popular NTs have that much fun in high school, and unlike in high school, I could legally drink.) After I calmed my nerves, I went back into the bar, and asked the bouncer to call a taxicab.

I've been feeling a little floaty the whole weekend, and even most of today. Partially because of the woman, but also because of the whole experience! After all, I managed to meet a woman who liked me, in one of the most aspie-unfriendly environments, although in my defense, my sensory issues disappeared around age 14. I did everything "right", didn't scare her off, and got high-fives from guys who would probably take my lunch money back in middle school. It was all very out of character for me.

Tell me what your thoughts are on this whole thing. I'm still sure beyond a shadow of doubt that I'm an aspie. But the experience goes to show you: with enough learning of social skills, an accepting group, and luck to help you along, anything is possible.

Updates to come. Don't want to post anything now, so I don't jinx it.

I disagree that bars and clubs are aspie-unfriendly unless you're one with serious sensory issues.

What's great about clubs especially is that everything in a club is a sort of kabuki. No one goes to a club to be themselves. The goal is to have fun and social norms are set to as low a level as they possibly can be without the building being burned down.

Consequently, if you go in with a goal of having fun and project a fun persona, such as you and your friends did, you've met 90% of the requirements for that environment.

To me, that's very aspie-friendly. No ridiculous maze of social norms to sort out. Go in with whatever dumb half-a-plan and have fun. No one requires you to be this or that in order to be included. Just be fun, be seen and say hello.

It's not reality and no one is overly committed to the outside world and their role in out there. People are sometimes astonishingly awesome when they peal away the BS and just decide to dance, drink and say hello to everybody.

Congratulations! This should give hope to many here who seem to have all but given up. You never know where you might meet someone compatible. Even in a bar!

It's going to bars with a group

plus trying to stay open to appreciating others (no guarantee it will happen)

And it sounds like you and this woman ping-ponged the interaction back and forth a number of times

Well done!

That's awesome. I don't have anything to add to the conversation, but I love hearing stories like this from other aspies.

Only in America, I guess?

I don't drink, so I would have been unlikely to end up in such a situation, but, well, wow. I don't know how you kept calm enough to deal with it all, but I sure hope it works out for you.

That is awesome, congratulations!

I had a similar-ish thing happen to me recently but you got WAY farther and did WAY better than I did!

Keep it up! and as an Aspie brutha thanks for posting your experience...

Thanks for the compliments, everyone. Feel free to keep posting.

I suppose it's a sign of the times that I don't know what exactly I did to make the attraction reach critical mass. I was doing and saying everything on autopilot, plus the alcohol made it way harder to keep track of my actions. I only wish I knew all that back in high school.

One question, though: just how normal is it for people who are pushing 30 to still make out in the middle of the street like high school kids in the hallway?

I got an update, and it's not a good one: friend zone.

I've gone on three dates with her, and during the first two dates, she was very affectionate, which included some PDA (more PG13- than R-rated). But during our most recent date this week, she seemed uncomfortable when I put my arm around her and turned her head when I tried to kiss her, which I successfully did before.

Long story short, she lost romantic interest. I won't settle for just being friends. It's not what I'm looking for, and there's nothing rude about being true to yourself, as long as you explain things honestly and tactfully, which I will do next time I see her.

I think I know what caused it: I kept running out of things to talk about during dates, resulting in awkward pauses. Or maybe I got too touchy-feely with her during our one-on-one dates. Either way, it was nothing like that during the bar tour when I first met her, when I talked up a storm and she listened intently; attraction grew until at the end of the night, we were making out with hands all over, in the middle of a busy sidewalk.

Anyway, she was the first woman I dated where I didn't have to lower my standards; I thought she was very cute, in a "girl next door" kind of way. I was slightly upset at first, but with my ability to turn off romantic feelings like a light switch, I'm over her already. I'll see her again once or twice more, just to make sure it wasn't just a one-time off night. If she indeed lost interest, I'll politely explain myself and part ways.

Aspie1> maybe you can just tell her you really like her, but your shy. That sucks I feel for you

One thing I'd say, I kinda get this post. When I was younger, I was a lot more like, openly introverted if you would? As in, I was like, nerdier, and all that sort of stuff. A lot of the issues younger people on here deal with. As I got older, I got more stronger, and became almost extroverted. I almost thought I was an extrovert for a while. I'm very outgoing in public, very willing to talk to random strangers and ask/tell them stuff, without a care in the world. I'll never see them again, whatever.

I found out something, though, I can be an "extrovert" in situations with sort of random people, but around people I know for a while, I can't. Like 1/1 with people I'm OK, but in big sort of "group" activities, I tend to flunk for not figuring out group dynamics. But, first impressions, I do OK, if seeming slightly odd, but then later, the "follow through" is hard.

My advice would be, it's tricky to get into the "habit" of doing things like this. Like I used to "hang out" with lots of people all the time, 3-4 times a week for hours easily, at times I was hardly home. I did this for a good....year, and liked the "buzz" from it, but after awhile, I just inexplicably couldn't handle it anymore. So now all those people I hung out with are kind of on the hook, and I'm sort of in a worse position than I was before, as now people think something is wrong/I don't like them/etc due to my withdrawal. So it's best if you can try to find a middle ground, as even though you will get a social "high" from it all, it does, at least in my case, come with a crash later.

Mind you, I'm only 20, so yeah, you might not find my advice listenable.

1000 knives> I went through a couple periods like that. 2 years ago (22) I had a job at a supermarket deli. I went from shy to fairly extroverted (in an odd way maybe) in a few months and felt more confident overall. The catch was, I needed alot of energy. I mean I really needed to get good sleep and have alot of energy. There were days when I actually looked forward to going to work, because I just liked talking to the customers and it gave me something to do. I saw it that if I had a good attitude, I would get one in return talking to different people. I felt NT....like I had finally gotten it

But it all collapsed though, soon it became hell as I ran out of energy, I missed applying for school, and it turned into hell inside my head because it didn't feel like I was going anywhere and I felt drained. When I didn't have that super energy.

Fast forward to a year ago, I fell into the biggest depression and for the past year I work at an isolated job, don't have any friends anymore very little energy, possibly some horrible infectious disease inside of me and my social skills are a complete 1080 degrees downwards regression from 2 years ago

Now I kind of the sinking revelation that I kind of know now why I am the way I am. I got fooled by the myth of everybody else and the way other people acted. I have always been different my whole life....not different.....everybody claims they are different I mean really "different", because there is no other explanation for my whole f*****g life. There is no amount of words I can describe to how "differently" I have felt, but I have never really embraced it.

I am kind of rambling now, but yea...