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No, I do not want to go out with you.

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MakaylaTheAspie
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25 Sep 2011, 10:20 pm

I'll try and keep this story short. My friend Noah is an Aspie, just like most of us on this forum. He's 14 years old, and in the 8th grade. He calls me twelve times today, each time leaving a detailed message saying he really wants to go out with me. Normally I'd be okay with that, except there are a few issues;

1. He is about a year and a half younger than me.
2. He lives far away.
3. He's one of those Aspies that completely lack empathy, and is finding it really hard to understand why I said no.
4. He's on the less mature side.

About ten minutes ago he sent me a love poem via sms text message. Help?


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Chummy
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26 Sep 2011, 12:08 am

Block his phone number, block him from facebook/skype whatever and since he lives far away he probably won't see you face to face anyhow. What an annoying stalker.



hale_bopp
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26 Sep 2011, 12:42 am

What have you said to him so far?

Sometimes being nice about it doesn't work with aspies. I had to be rude to one when he didn't get the message over and over again and got death threats.

You just have to be careful.



Tambourine-Man
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26 Sep 2011, 1:17 am

Why not? I'm not a bad looking guy?


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Sextaesada
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26 Sep 2011, 1:50 am

I told a friend to just tell their stalker to f**k off, it would be funny.



hale_bopp
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26 Sep 2011, 2:34 am

Tambourine-Man wrote:
Why not? I'm not a bad looking guy?


Is that you in your avatar? You are good looking. Do you find it helps your ability to get women? I'm interested in what things are like for attractive aspies. People seem to assume that they have a lot less trouble, but I've seen lots of attractive aspies here who seem to struggle.



Tequila
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26 Sep 2011, 5:37 am

You don't have to.

OP: the guy sounds a bit creepy. Knock him on the head either forever or until he sorts his head out, whichever comes first. With many guys, the former is the best option.



Keeno
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26 Sep 2011, 6:01 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Tambourine-Man wrote:
Why not? I'm not a bad looking guy?


Is that you in your avatar? You are good looking. Do you find it helps your ability to get women? I'm interested in what things are like for attractive aspies. People seem to assume that they have a lot less trouble, but I've seen lots of attractive aspies here who seem to struggle.


From what I've seen, it's probably the Aspie's relative level of 'mixing' ability. The ability to successfully socially connect and socially network that more than anything helps those Aspies with partners to get them - and not necessarily attractiveness.

And I don't mean being able to socially network with people considered eccentric by society either, but with people considered by society to have mainstream interests, activities and social groups.



AsteroidNap
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26 Sep 2011, 7:35 am

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
I'll try and keep this story short. My friend Noah is an Aspie, just like most of us on this forum. He's 14 years old, and in the 8th grade. He calls me twelve times today, each time leaving a detailed message saying he really wants to go out with me. Normally I'd be okay with that, except there are a few issues;

1. He is about a year and a half younger than me.
2. He lives far away.
3. He's one of those Aspies that completely lack empathy, and is finding it really hard to understand why I said no.
4. He's on the less mature side.

About ten minutes ago he sent me a love poem via sms text message. Help?


Give him a clear choice so that he knows his actions have consequences. Don't just stop talking to him cold without explanation. If this were an older dude, say in his 20s, then he should know better. But since he's young, say something like (in your own words of course) : "Listen, Timmy. I don't like you like that. If you don't stop texting me and calling me twelve times a day, then I will block your number and our friendship is over. Your choice."



Meow101
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26 Sep 2011, 7:08 pm

AsteroidNap wrote:
MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
I'll try and keep this story short. My friend Noah is an Aspie, just like most of us on this forum. He's 14 years old, and in the 8th grade. He calls me twelve times today, each time leaving a detailed message saying he really wants to go out with me. Normally I'd be okay with that, except there are a few issues;

1. He is about a year and a half younger than me.
2. He lives far away.
3. He's one of those Aspies that completely lack empathy, and is finding it really hard to understand why I said no.
4. He's on the less mature side.

About ten minutes ago he sent me a love poem via sms text message. Help?


Give him a clear choice so that he knows his actions have consequences. Don't just stop talking to him cold without explanation. If this were an older dude, say in his 20s, then he should know better. But since he's young, say something like (in your own words of course) : "Listen, Timmy. I don't like you like that. If you don't stop texting me and calling me twelve times a day, then I will block your number and our friendship is over. Your choice."


^^Agree with that. Explain clearly why you don't want to go out with him (even if it's just "I don't like you in that way") and tell him that if he doesn't stop calling and texting that often, you will need to end the friendship. I don't think the age thing is a big deal, but the maturity thing is.

~Kate


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LostUndergrad9090
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26 Sep 2011, 11:05 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Tambourine-Man wrote:
Why not? I'm not a bad looking guy?


Is that you in your avatar? You are good looking. Do you find it helps your ability to get women? I'm interested in what things are like for attractive aspies. People seem to assume that they have a lot less trouble, but I've seen lots of attractive aspies here who seem to struggle.


I think it depends more on what age group this is happening in. As some girls get older they learn more about people and take on changes that some younger girls haven't experiences.

My guess though is they probably see me as a pretty boy and pretty boys don't have a good wrap. or degree situation, history. I like to think I'm heading in the right direction but i'm sure others can see something about me I can't. I also don't talk in class, usually keep to myself.



MakaylaTheAspie
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27 Sep 2011, 9:07 am

Thank you all for the advice (and random posting). I told him what I felt.

... He's still trying though. :lol:


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AsteroidNap
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27 Sep 2011, 9:36 am

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
Thank you all for the advice (and random posting). I told him what I felt.

... He's still trying though. :lol:


If you told him, and gave him a clear choice, then I'd say you should end it. Giving him a choice with consequences, and then not following through on those consequences will do more harm than good.