Finding someone for me.

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I feel like giving up sometimes. I'm stuck in life and one of the things that's frustrating me right now is being alone and not having a partner in life. I still live with my parents. I don't have the job and income to live alone. I do get SSD and SSI, but I can't even begin to think how I'd live off that. But again this is the least of my worries at the moment, since my mind is totally set on finding "the one" right now.

Aspies and aspies, I heard, don't work well together in a relationship. I can pretty much imagine why that might be. One wants or needs something in their relationship at certain moments and then the other doesn't and isn't willing to compromise, because of their aspie mind set.

I don't exactly live in a well populated place. Even going further out like 25 miles or 30 miles out won't take me anywhere where there's activity, especially activities that interest me. I'm an anime, computer, movie, and video game nerd. There are no local gaming clubs. No local anime clubs. No computer clubs. etc. So what if I did have the money to move out? I'd still prefer being in a place that's secluded like this place, because I like the peace and quiet of going out on the porch and not hear car after car after car go by. I lived most of my life in town till months ago and now I'm more comfortable where it's quieter. And then there's the idea of moving where I don't know people. Scary thoughts really. So what's a guy to do to meet people around here that are into the kinds of things I am or to even meet people for some basic events. Again, nothing of significance happens here. There's no activity to go to a couple times a month.

I go to a group for mental health needs and some social needs. No one new really. Two aspies there. One of them female as a matter of fact, but if I asked her out I'd feel like I asked out a sibling. She's a good friend, but I just think it'd feel kind of icky to try any kind of relationship with her.

That sort of leads to another point. I really don't know how things can fall into place once I do meet a female with the same interests. How would I feel? Would it just sound icky to me yet again? Why do I feel this way with some people anyway when a "what if" scenario goes through my head?

So I fantasize sometimes of a relationship with someone I started talking to. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of these scenarios is that the person has a different sort of personality than my own that I feel drawn to. Someone a little more perky and peppy, but not too crazy. Ok, ok, so maybe the person is quite a bit more willing to put themselves out there and quite the opposite than me, but still holds the same beliefs and some of my interests. It's not far off to think that this could happen, if said person even exists where I am and assuming the circumstances of meeting the person weren't far out of reach.

Then there's also the internet. Ah, the vast world of women that may be willing to date me. I know I have to answer a few profiles and I have, but it's still discouraging when I get no answer back. I have my profile there and no one bites. I bite, but no bites back. I've had one person, so far, answer, but I found out just by her being forward enough to tell me things in her life and I just thought she was a vindictive (trying to get back at her ex constantly), jealous (thinks that it's a good idea to screen a bf's e-mail, etc "found out through a okcupid quiz that we discussed), psycho (she flat out said she had anger problems and again that quiz said she'd kill someone if she thought she'd get away with it. "In this case, her father for not being there all her life. O.o "). I'd actually appreciate some help with presenting myself online better. Even if someone would like to see these profiles. Maybe something in my profile turns them off.

As far as aspie-aspie relationships, your mileage may vary. I have never found aspie groups to be a good place to meet attractive, dateable women. Many of the women are taken, of the rest a decent number are asexual (or borderline asexual), and then there are a lot I just don't feel attracted to. On the other hand, an aspie friend of mine just met up with an aspie woman he had known back in high school, and they both really like each other.

As for similarity, I know what you mean about those who are TOO similar. Often I would be willing to engage in purely sexual relationships with them, if they were open to that, as the communication would probably be good. But I don't feel any sort of crush or love toward them.

Then you get to those who are "just different enough"--I'll call them kindred spirits. For me, these have a pattern of leading to disappointment. I can often captivate the attention of these kindred spirits, and we become decently good to excellent friends in a short time. However, then I almost surely will feel attracted, sometimes intensely so, and I've oddly never had such attraction be requited, even when those same girls later got with, or had previously been with, other guys whom I'd consider to be "kindred spirits" of one or both of us. This has just happened recently to me in a situation that's still got me down a little, even though most of it happened a month ago.

I've wondered if there really is something that specifically "jinxes" these kindred spirit attractions. Such as, if I feel like such a good friend that I show feelings too early, when the women need time even despite the solid connection from the beginning.

Then you have a kind of woman I'd call a "complement", and these seem to have the potential to fill deeper needs (due to having skills and traits that I don't have, that help me confront the world), although the crushes/attractions seem less intense at first. These also seem to be more balanced, in terms of the other person showing the stronger attraction a decent fraction of the time. They happen much less often now than they did back in high school, but it seems these can actually be quite attractive and even sometimes popular women.

Again, all this is just how it's worked for me. But to find the "kindred spirits" I'd just look for cute and quirky girls who you seem to bond with early on (and good luck having a better track record of returned feelings). To find "complements", I'd suggest finding some way to show your talents/special interests to the world, and then see which women seem impressed despite not having those same talents or interests themselves. But yeah, it's been really hard for me too!