If you had a partner that didn't....

Post Reply New Topic

have ANY sort of interest in one of your obsessions...

do you think it would last? would it drive you crazy?


I've had this happen before, and while I didn't dump them because of it... It was one reason I felt much better about the breakup.

One of my interests? We should share something, in common, but I wouldnt base my whole relationship around it. I'm dating them, not 'dinosaurs' or whatever the obsession is

I'd hope that they had a hobby or interest which they could do at the same time as I did mine. I'd also hope that they could warn me if I was obsessing over something too much.

My partner likes some of the same things I do (we share an affinity for music, art and biology) - to a certain extent - but he is basically NT (he took the online aspie test and the result was mostly NT with a couple of aspie-esque qualities ["you are most likely NT"]) so that means his passion for these interests is much less obsessive than it is for me... This has even caused situations where he felt rejected because of my all-consuming interests.

On the other hand, he has some interests which, as much as I try, I simply cannot get that interested in. I have to constantly remind myself to listen when he talks about his restaurant, customer reactions, bookings... etc. because I want to encourage him - I am extremely proud of him!! ! He's only 29 and running this insanely popular restauraunt in our city. And for someone who is "most likely NT", he's pretty darned dedicated to it!! !
But it's the business itself that's just not that interesting to me...

If we had nothing in common, though, we would probably not understand each other at all.

I never told my last girlfriend about my obsession nor did I mention Aspergers Syndrome.

We've been together for 4 years, and I only found out a few months ago that there was a syndrome out there describing the way I am pertty much to a T.
At first, I didn't say anything, but then I thought, "There's all these things he just doesn't understand about me and that he seems to take so personally and that I could never explain in words... Maybe if I share this info with him, we'll relate better...?"
I took a chance, and so far... I was right!

i know obsessions do not make the relationship... it's just i always kinda wished he'd at least humor me with it a bit...

just always kinda made me feel let down... like one less thing i had to talk about... and i hate having that feeling with the person i'm with.

it's good to have your own things... a couple is still two people...

anyway... dunno why that popped in my head

It wouldn't last very long at all. Things I am obsessed with take up most of my time and energy. They are a little more accessible to NTs than some obsessions though so I haven't given up all hope yet. If the girl doesn't really like philosophy or theater,she'll be really really board because there's not all that much other than that I can sustain a conversation on.

Yes As long as he was understanding of it. My biggest obsession is Herpetology, and more specifically frogs. I was talking to my boyfriend about it a bit today...he admits he's not crazy about frogs.... But he showed me a picture he'd taken of a poison dart frog, and said he'd take me on a date to the place he'd taken the picture, where they have all kinds of reptiles, amphibians, and sea life

You don't need to have the same interests to understand eachother

Yeah it would last, so long as he didn't discourage my obsession (I don't think he ever would as he does actually find the way my mind works interesting lol). If I can just get on with it I'm happy and so's he

In my case, I don't think it would last. My biggest obsessions are the Simpsons and South Park, and any woman I date must be interested in those shows.

Tim

Well, what if she wasn't interested per-se, just not dis-interested. Like, she was interested enough to watch them and get into the shows with you, encourage your interests by buying you gifts related to these interests...

However, it wasn't really one of her interests to the point where she would list these shows as her favourites when asked?

That would work.

Tim

I would actually consider it a positive if a girl didn't share my interests, at least not my main ones. I kind of think along the lines of "opposites attract" these days. On the other hand, I'm not really concerned with whether relationships last, but how much attraction and excitement I feel. I haven't been in a relationship yet, though, and maybe if I saw the benefit to a lasting relationship I would value it more.

I somehow think, though, that a relationship with someone who doesn't share my biggest interests could still last, as long as we gave each other lost of time to ourselves (and that would probably have to happen anyway, shared interests or not).

I talk about music and football at least 70% of the time and films and tv shows the rest I would need them to at least have some overlap in interests so I would haev something to talk about

My boyfriend is NT & his passion (and job) is cooking, so that's what he has to offer when we're conversing. I'm not a foodie, most food is offputting on a sensory level to me, so we're at opposite ends of that topic. I have to work very hard to listen to him talk about what's of interest to him. Want to know him better, but talking about "things/events" instead of "feelings/thoughts" often bores me. Hard to know which differences in communicative style can be chalked up to gender (stereotypes) instead of being explicable as ASD-related. I'm dx'd w/ASD & feel need to talk about my interests, they're important expressions of parts of my personality.

Takes constant effort but we try to find equilibrium & balance-it's worth it. I say I wouldn't want to be involved w/someone like me, my boyfriend says he wouldn't want to be involved w/someone like him. Guess we appreciate each others' dissimilarities, though it's more confusing for me to understand bc. I think/analyze/dwell way too much...