I just never have entered the dating game....

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.....When it was at my doorstep, I couldn't even look those girls in the eye or hold a conversation.

I realize now that they showed signs of neediness, and I got scared. I never really actively pursued girls. These were the girls that somehow weren't too far away from my sphere(usually in my class).

Anyways I just never made it to the next step...that next level in my personal development. I feel stuck.

When I look on Plenty of Swordfish, I see girls in their profile talking about their activities/hobbies and where they want to go in life and so on. That is what marketing yourself is all about right? Portraying your ambitions.

I just get this sinking feel like where is that for me? Why is that missing in myself. Why am I just so far gone and disconnected from actually being a real person?

Honestly, I really don't think I am ready to date or have a GF. I just don't have much going in my life.

I have a job, I have a car, I have a couple of hobbies that don't involved other people. That is it. I used to be a student, but not anymore. If there Ever EEVER EVER was a time just to "get over it" and cut right through it, it was then when I was living at school, but I completely missed it.

I quit porn. Its no good just an addiction. I am trying to build muscle and work out and hopefully increase my testosterone, and I am doing MMA/kickboxing training. Maybe this is a good start. I don't know

I am just depressed. f**k. I am just missing something......

I think that if you know you are not ready yet, you are not ready yet. Don't let other people's expectations rush you into something you are not ready for.

Sounds like you are doing the right things. You've thought about your strengths and weaknesses and are working toward some goals. That's great!

In time you could start loking into some more sociable activities that you can include other people in.

I admit I have similar problems. I look at a busy interesting person I'm attracted to. And think, why would they want to spend time with me. I've started trying to be a bit more interested in activities lately. I'm trying to work myself up to organize a party. I keep putting it off, but your post has made me realze i've been stagnating again. It's not so much a party to meet guys, it's just to start spending time with other humans again and tryng to flesh out my life a bit more. I definately think person has to be confident in themselves and happy with who they are to bring somethng to a relationship. I am definitely not in the right place for a relationship at the moment.

Sorry I sort of went on about mysef a bit there.
I think you are doing the right thing. All the best.

thanks Hurtloam.

I never really worried too much about societal pressure, its more the internal feeling of being lonely.

Maybe I have never been ready my whole life, but the different now is that I understand that I am not ready. Before when I was in HS, and all throughout college, I ready had no idea! I mean I really had no clue......

I had no idea of the qualities that are attractive to women (like being a man). I just had no concept of trying to better myself. I was just lost in my loneliness.

The process of becoming a "man/adult/grown up", pushing yourself outside your boundaries and testing your resolve to build confidence.......I had no idea or concept of this until only a little while ago.

Now that I actually realize what I am missing, I feel very far away from being the person I want to be, and since I am getting a really really really late start, it makes me feel even worse.

This stuff just isn't rocket science for a regular 15-16 yr old guy or girl to start figuring their sexuality out.

I just never really had any idea......clothes....fitness.....ambition....social circle.....vibe.....

I have a job, I have a car, I have a couple of hobbies that don't involved other people.

that in it self is enough if you really don't want to be lonily(?)
never look at other peoples outlook on life, for it's never your own, they most likely will fall short if they aim too high/don't try hard enough.
you have a car, no matter what shape that is a plus
you have a job, big plus
and you have hobbies, so you can entertain yourself and won't monopolize someones time

i'm not saying to run out and ask everyone out, but you have something to offer. never think you are inferier(?)
one small step starts the long hike.....start w/ saying hi to strangers, bat your eyes at someone you find attractive, and just be happy w/ who you are. if working out is your thing, do it. if not don't waste your time.... no one likes fake people, and if you model yourself after something/someone, your not, the right person for you will know your not you

You have a job and a car. That is 90% of the battle right there.

Don't delude yourself into thinking that a girlfriend or wife will solve all your problems. They tend to make things a lot worse.

Excel at your work and find joy in your hobbies.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, I feel like I still need to go through that period of "trying on" various hobbies with other people, and actually figure out what life's about. But even deeper than that, I feel I missed out on social activities as a child that are "precursors" to dating later in life.

I definitely do feel I am ready for a sexual relationship, and even more than that, feel the need to find someone I can be physically intimate with in general (not in particular during sex, just like hugging and lying together in bed). BUT I do feel the need for my partner to be just as immature/undeveloped as I am. So the relationship, while being "romantic" in some sense, would not look like a typical relationship between two people in their mid-20s, rather it should be more like the relationship between two middle schoolers of the opposite sex who are just learning to be together.

Sometimes I actually feel that some of the obsessiveness I've developed toward girls in the past few years has had more to do with a reflexive, subconscious need to "catch them quick before they can grow up", than it did with attraction toward those specific girls as people.

I do enjoy the dating game it is so much fun to play.

I havent really entered the life game yet either for that matter.......I think they are both connected....