Dating and Aspergers

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Joined: 8 Oct 2011
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09 Oct 2011, 2:44 am

Recently I've been thinking about the whole dating thing. Not sure why. Anyways, I have never dated in my life and I somehow feel kind of left out. There are guys out there with girlfriends or wives my age and I'm not sure if it's just social fear, but I'm not sure if dating someone has to be all serious or whether you can just be friends with them?

A few family members of mine have advised me a few times that dating someone would be "complicated" for someone like me. If I have an interest in having a female as a friend, but not anything too serious (eg. marriage, or girlfriend), then what would be the best way to go about this?

Also wanted to add that when I was growing up, I really didn't have any friends, but this is probably typical of people with Aspergers. I sure hope I'm not doomed into being single or alone my whole life. :oops:

hale_bopp
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09 Oct 2011, 3:13 am

Your family members sound extremely patronising.

If you've never had a female friend, you could start by being active and having fun on internet message boards, I guess.

Chronos
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09 Oct 2011, 4:00 am

magnetite wrote:

Never rely on an NT to be able to accurately tell you what will be "complicated" for you. In fact, don't really too much on someone else on the spectrum either. Only you know what might be difficult for you, and in some cases, you might surprise yourself, and find out things you thought would be difficult, aren't.

EGGREGUYOUS
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09 Oct 2011, 4:24 am

If you want it then go do it, it is that simple.

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kat74
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09 Oct 2011, 7:08 am

Hi.... you could try using a few different dating sites and write in your profile you are looking for friendship.... An Aspie female here... i can tell you... i have male friends that i will have for the rest of my life and they are in my daily life... i met them online.... it is a great place to start...more so, if you are reluctant to go out much. As for family memebers... they don't live in your mind, you do... live your life how you choose.... what relationship ever has no complications what so ever....None that i know of.... if you are self aware... you will know within yourself where complications may arise.... you will handle it....the best of luck to you and may you make many friends : )

SadAspy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:23 am

hale_bopp wrote:

If you've never had a female friend, you could start by being active and having fun on internet message boards, I guess.

Just make sure it's not THIS board.

Seriously OP, you better be attractive or any girl you message here will think you are hitting on her and won't even talk to you as a friend.

Grisha
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09 Oct 2011, 8:29 am

SadAspy wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

If you've never had a female friend, you could start by being active and having fun on internet message boards, I guess.

Just make sure it's not THIS board.

Seriously OP, you better be attractive or any girl you message here will think you are hitting on her and won't even talk to you as a friend.

It sounds like you are speaking from personal experience. How can you conclude that it's because you're not "good-looking" - have you ever posted a photo?

People ignore my PMs once in a while too. (I don't send too many to "strangers" though) There are lots of reasons people don't respond to them...

spongy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:32 am

You know that isnt true SadAspy.

You engaged on a several months long communication with a female member and you werent asked to send her a picture before you started to talk which just shows that this isnt true.

Ive been talking with another member that has similar interests recently, we havent exchanged any pictures and Im not going to send her one anytime soon because they are unrelated to our current friendship and it could send her the wrong message(Im way too involved...)

Ive contacted quite a few female members and they have all been nice towards me. I believe that the responses to your pms wuld improve a lot if you displayed less hate towards female kind on your posts.

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SadAspy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:35 am

spongy wrote:

You falsely assumed I was only talking about one experience here.

spongy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:37 am

SadAspy wrote:

spongy wrote:

You falsely assumed I was only talking about one experience here.

You misread my post.
I focus on that experience because its the one Im familiar with but I do say:"I believe that the responses to your pms wuld improve a lot if you displayed less hate towards female kind on your posts." Which shows that Im aware that you have approached a few female members from here.

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SadAspy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:38 am

Grisha wrote:

It sounds like you are speaking from personal experience. How can you conclude that it's because you're not "good-looking" - have you ever posted a photo?

I said "attractive." I didn't say "physically attractive." Don't put words in my mouth. The word attractive can entail several qualities.

Last edited by SadAspy on 09 Oct 2011, 8:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

OneStepBeyond
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09 Oct 2011, 8:39 am

^i don't even quote ugly people

OP, the best way for you would probably be to try being friends with some girls who have similar interests first, and seeing if any feelings develop. it's less stressful that way. Chat to some online and you'll get to realise that they aren't that different to you and dating isn't too far detached from friendship

SadAspy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:40 am

spongy wrote:

I focus on that experience because its the one Im familiar with but I do say:"I believe that the responses to your pms wuld improve a lot if you displayed less hate towards female kind on your posts." Which shows that Im aware that you have approached a few female members from here.

And most were before I started making "hateful" posts. FAIL!

spongy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:44 am

SadAspy wrote:

spongy wrote:

And most were before I started making "hateful" posts. FAIL!

If thats the case I dont know who you contacted man.
When I was contacting people(hint: avoid to contact only females and show that you are interested on getting to know other members better hint) from here I tried to focus on those on the haven that sounded like they could use some sort of support and it went quite well.

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SadAspy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:46 am

spongy wrote:

SadAspy wrote:

spongy wrote:

And most were before I started making "hateful" posts. FAIL!

Sounds like PUA drivel. Oh, the problem is with my APPROACH....yeah, that's it. LOL!

spongy
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09 Oct 2011, 8:52 am

SadAspy wrote:

spongy wrote:

SadAspy wrote:

spongy wrote:

And most were before I started making "hateful" posts. FAIL!

Sounds like PUA drivel. Oh, the problem is with my APPROACH....yeah, that's it. LOL!

PUA is based on taking advantage of others by hiding your intentions.
What Im suggesting is that you try to offer your support to those that probably need it most without any hidden intention, just to realize that youve been able to talk with a female online and she didnt judge you and hopefully this will give you a chance to see female kind from another perspective and improve your actual situation.

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