Advice on long distance relationship?

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Just for a bit of a backstory, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and in total I've known him for 2 years. We've never had an opportunity to meet because there's a 4000 mile distance and neither of us has much money so neither of us can afford a plane ticket (hopefully that will change within the next year though, he's looking for a job and once I've finished school I'm going to apply for an apprenticeship so we'll both be earning and saving money). It's absolutely wonderful, except for the fact that there's not much we can think of to do apart from MSN and sometimes peoples' attitudes towards the relationship are extremely annoying.

So, here are my questions:
Has anyone else had success with a long distance relationship? How long was it before you met in person?

Can anybody please give me some ideas of things we could do online together apart from talking and video chatting on msn? Are there any games that would let us simulate dates?

Does anybody know of any really good brands of webcam that would give a really good sound and picture quality? When I'm earning my own money I want to get us both better webcams so we can see eachother more clearly when video chatting.

How do I deal with people who have a negative attitude towards it? (The people who always feel the need to say things like "oh he'll cheat on you eventually" or "how do you know he's not an axe murderer?" or even the EXTREMELY annoying "it's not love, you can't love somebody unless you've kissed/cuddled/had sex with/insert other physical activity here")

And a question for people who've been on a plane before: What's it like and what does it involve? (The entire process, from arriving at the airport to getting off the plane at the destination). When we eventually have money to meet up we'll be taking turns to fly over, I've never been on a plane before and the thought of it is quite frightening.

Thankyou to anybody who replies

Well long distance relationships don't normally work because of the lack of physical interaction/bored/found someone else nearer etc.

There has been some successful long distance relationships and do end up getting married together but again one of the partners had to move to their area so it's difficult for most people to go through all the way unless they have nothing to lose by staying where they are, if the both of you have nothing to lose and can move to where they live then I don't see why you two can't work but keep in mind that if it doesn't work out when you two meet up and that then your putting yourself in a bit of a situation.

Never been in one, but I considered one at one point. Here's the site I found when I researched other things to do:
Link

I'm not sure how to describe the whole plane process. Line waiting, ID showing, security gates, more waiting, and then the take-off [which is pleasant, it's a good idea to board a plane with movies], land, get your bags, leave.

Hope I helped a little! Seriously, look at the link.

Neither of us place much importance on being able to touch people so that bit's never been a problem. We've discussed me moving over but that won't be able to happen for a very long time, we're thinking that if I get a placement on the apprenticeship I've been looking at then I could move over after it's completed which will take 5 years. 5 years is a long time to save money and visit eachother enough times to see whether there're the same feelings in person as there are online, and if it didn't work at least I'd be earning money from the apprenticeship so I'd still be able to move on with my life and use the money I'd saved for something else. I think I understand why it doesn't work for a lot of people, one of my friends had to go long distance because her boyfriend moved somewhere for a new job and she's still in school living with her parents. From what I've seen it seems to be harder for people who're very touchy-feely with their partner because they have problems getting used to not being able to cuddle and kiss and do other stuff anymore. It's good to know that there have been some successful marriages from long distance relationships though.


Thanks for the link. What sort of ID do you have to show? Is it just the passport or do they need other things as well? I'm asking mainly because I don't have a drivers liscence or any other sort of ID apart from my passport.

As an answer to both parts, find a balance between planning and preparing and taking things as they come.

Specifically regarding planes, you have a much higher risk of death on the drive to the airport than you have on the plane, much higher.

Although I never seem to "connect" with anyone unless they live 1,000s of KMs away, I try to avoid LDRs because in my view it is a foregone conclusion that one of the parties will eventually have to move, and this may even require marriage in some cases. That's a lot of pressure to say the least...

Anyway, as far as travel goes, a passport (and visa if necessary) will get you anywhere. Make sure it's more than 6 months from expiration if you're making long international trips.

Obviously, there are serious item restrictions for carry-on luggage, make sure you research the subject thoroughly or you may end up throwing something away at the security checkpoint. Also, these days luggage weight is really an issue, make sure your bags don't weigh too much or you may be in for an expensive surprise at the check-in counter...

You could both join some virtual worlds (Second Life, IMVU) or play some MMO's together.

Second Life has a bit of a steep learning curve though and your cumputer has to have good specs. If you have a good enough computer and don't mind taking to time to get used to it, you (or your characters rather) can do things like go on dancing dates or romantic walks together. You can even simulate sex, but best not to rush into that sorta stuff lol.

I have to agree. They seem really desperate and pointless. You can't see the person you're talking to, you're talking to him over the Internet, they're not physically there, they can't share your company. Online friends are great but, at the end of the day, they're a diversion at most.



These aren't cheap! A standard ten-year UK passport costs £77.50 (US$121) but American ones cost even more: US$140 (£90)! I was quite surprised that the American ones were costlier than UK passports.



You can actually buy electronic baggage measurers these days that will take some of the worry out of it so you can be on target. For obvious reasons, try to be as near the limit as you can but don't go over. Some airlines will give you a bit of leeway if it's less than 1kg or so over.

And baggage is very expensive on flights here - one suitcase (both ways) costs £43 and that's for booking it at the time of your flight! Ask for one at the airport and you're talking nearer £100 per bag!

statistically, in my opinion the best relationship i'm gonna get is not going to happen in the same country, let alone appear on my doorstep. convenience is just a compromise

i don't know what counts as "successful", as i am not sure if you mean in terms of whether it becomes an LTR or if the couple ends up uniting (or stays at a distance), or if it is as happy or as fulfilling as a relationship IRL...

i am in an online LDR right now (been talking about 4 months, official for just over a month). in some ways it is very hard, and in other ways it works quite well for the situation i am currently in. LDRs have very specific challenges that are peculiar to the nature of the relationship, as i am sure you have also found to be true. in some ways it requires more maintenance that a relationship IRL, because if you become complacent it is very quickly over.

it has been definitely worth it to me. the person i am dating has been quite amazing, and i would not have met someone like him IRL. online dating allowed me to connect with someone special, and i think the alternatives pale in comparison. i didn't specifically look for someone far away, but WP actually offered me a good environment to get to know him, and it sort of happened.

i would like to eventually be united in real life, so for me this is just a step. i have a 5-year working visa for his country so if i move over there we don't have to jump into a fully committed relationship on an instant - we can be more cautious if we want. we will have been talking for close to a year before we can meet in person i think.


ArtemisHolmes has that covered, wow!! !


it's not just the webcam but also your respective internet connections, the distance between you (satellites are involved), your software, and your processors & graphics cards (not sure about those ones but logically i think so). to improve the quality, make sure that you use a lot of lighting in your room as low lighting from the monitor or a single room light will lower the quality. also don't run a lot of programs and websites in the background, in particular no streaming or downloading as it will hog the bandwidth. sometimes it helps to log off/close/browser/reset internet connection.


you can't change their attitudes. seriously, you can't.

if you feel compelled to explain yourself, your best bet is to lay down why it works for you and state logically why you believe he is a legitimate person (a couple of small examples... if you have seen his family on his FB page, and he has his real name on other sites, and you have interacted online with his real-life friends, you have small bits of evidence that he is probably legit). logic is your friend - axe murderers generally do not court their victims for 2 years at a time and show their faces on camera.

but some people won't understand it no matter what you say. so it's better to just move on and tell them that this situation makes you happy and that you are confident it will work out for the best. then change the subject. many real-life relationships are unsuccessful too, so it is not like you have to prove anything to the doubters. hearts can get broken, people get scammed or whatever in any potential dating situation; it is not a condition of online LDRs only.


this is too complicated for me to cover here, but i spoke to many people about all the specific steps of boarding a flight before i went on one for the first time a few years ago to visit my sister. i had someone stay with me until the last minute and greet me when i got off the plane. also i asked uniformed people for help as necessary - staff on the ground and in the air are remarkably friendly. if you disclose your AS, depending on the airline you may qualify to have extra assistance (basically a minder) to be there for you at the airport and to help you board early to reduce anxiety.

Why is that do you think?

And statistics are pretty useless if you don't have the money and the health to travel to all these foreign climes.

a photographer i used to follow was in a LDR and they used to watch the same dvd at the same time whilst being on msn/skype together, like a cinema-date alternative. i thought it was cute

aww. my boyf is going away for a week on business. i'm so going to do this with him!

I used to do that with an adult friend of mine when I was 14. We used to watch The Last House on the Left (the original 1972 version).

But yes, that sounds good. Also: listening to the same radio station or CD, maybe, or reading books and talking about them.

The ideas about watching the same movies and reading the same books together sounds good. We have very similar tastes in movies and books so it shouldn't be hard to find something we want to do together. Thanks to everyone who's given advice so far. Hopefully the distance won't be a permanent thing but in the meanwhile it'll be nice to be able to do stuff that makes us feel like we're not quite so far apart.

Momma once told me that it is just as easy to fall in love with someone nearby as it is to fall in love with someone far away.

My wife and I met 10,000 miles from both our home countries, then were separated for more than a year. When we met again, I proposed. We've been married for nearly 20 years, and she is now an American citizen.

Makes sense, right?

Me neither.

Advice? Exercise patience. Give your mate as much trust as you know you would deserve from him. Keep in touch - written letters once a week, telephone or email once a day, pictures once a month. Other than that, all I can say is express your longing for him and how much you miss him, but don't beg or whine: "I saw a couple holding hands today and thought of you", rather than "When will I ever get to hold you again?" (although the second one is nice to hear, too).

Best wishes!