dating: a numbers game?

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meeting/approaching 100 people.
10 could give you a phone number.
5 could result in dating

and after the first 100, you would have gained enough social experience to identify your strengths and mistakes,
so the next 100 people you meet, could yield better odds: 20 phone numbers, and 10 dates.

i talked with people who have had many relationships and a lot of dating experience. all had the same thing in common: they may have had a lot more dating experience than most people, but only because they had ten times more rejection than most people.

The rich, more successful and better looking males at the top of the gene pool get snatched up by females. Average females and even unattractive females have a much higher chance of being selected by men than average men of being selected by women. Unattractive men simply have little or no chance unless they have lots of wealth and power.

Dating is more than just a numbers game. More attraction, more power and wealth results in more dates.

Last edited by Dark_Lord_2008 on 13 Oct 2011, 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There are many factors that need to satisfied.

From meeting a woman, to the end, there are many things that can go wrong:
- You end up having no interest in her
- She has no interest. The conversation is bad or nothing more than neutral.
- She already has a boyfriend.
- She may be into you, but you screw it up
- You do successfully get her phone number, but its fake
- The phone number is real, but no date materializes
- She could lose interest or change her mind at any second
- The first date does not go well
- The first date goes well, but she could have met 3 more guys she's interested in all this time.
- The second date happens, but theres not enough chemistry for a 3rd date

This is not an insult to women at all. They have every right to be selective and choose what is best for them.

But if you talk to many women, eventually you'll finally avoid all these pitfalls and meet someone special.

Too much effort involved in dating and too many rejections. Having Aspergers comes with impaired social skills and the inability to read into social situations. A person with AS may be depressed all the time and incapable of expressing emotions.

When the odds are stacked heavily against you and you have little or no chance of winning. There is no point in playing the game. People with Aspergers may find it hard to deal with rejection without getting angry and upset. People with Aspergers may have low emotional intelligence and have the emotional maturity of a small child.

Also, I'd add Minervx that as one gains more experience in the way you outlined, one begins to identify the most compatible women. Of course that compatibility differs with each person.

So after 100 approaches, you also begin to see which sorts of women respond best to you, so you can continually zero in on the sorts of women that you might have a greater chance of connecting with. So your percentage of success will rise because of this as well.

This is a complete and utter fallacy. Last time I checked the genome project, wealth isn't a genetic trait. On top of that, couching the world in terms of gene pools is a self-defeating, deterministic paradigm that only offers its adherents a reason for self-pity and to give up.



It has been pointed out numerous times on this forum that relationships form in relatively equal numbers of men and women statistically speaking. So your premise is false. More over, since their are more women in the world by a few percentage points (excepting China), and the fact that there are more homosexual men than homosexual women, there is if anything more females who are single and looking then men in the same circumstance.

Now if we were in fact dealing with a situation present in China, then your argument would hold water because in China there is a rather large surplus of males due to the country's one child policy. In that case, it is a buyer's market for women.

an excellent point you just added!

OP these 100 approaches, 90 rejections straight off the bat, only 10 phone numbers (1 in 10) and only 5 dates(1 in 20). Terrible strike rate. Much better odds gambling at the race track and you can win money.

The shame and humiliation of so many rejections would upset a lot of people with Aspergers who simply can not accept No as an answer. IMHO countless rejection is a waste of time and energy. Rejection can make you feel less confident, lowers you self esteem, angry and upset.

When your chances of winning are no good there is no point even trying. Why waste your time and energy trying when you know you will fail? Sit back and do nothing and wait for things to happen. If nothing happens, no big deal and you have not failed.

there is no fixed rate. i'm just using an example.
the good thing is that from approaches 101-200, you'll have better "Strike rates".

theres no real loss in rejection. just a simple no and move on. it takes only a few minutes to approach and talk to a girl - not a huge loss of time.

i dont take rejection personally. there are plenty of reasons why shes not interested that have nothing to do with you:
- already in a relationship or complicated situation
- not interested in dating in general or has really really have standards almost no one could meet
- not attracted to you (even though many other women will find you attractive)
- a difficult period in her life where she doesnt want to be bothered
- different personalities

but then of all those women, you could find the lucky one.

Think of it as Telemarketing.

Call 1000 people a day (Approach 1000 women in a year).
100 of them do not hang up on you (100 of them do not turn and walk away).
10 of those do not cuss you out (10 of those do not laugh in your face).
1 of those sign up for everything you've got (1 of those agrees to go out with you).

Welcome to the World of Dating.

I recommend a more efficient effective direct sales approach would be better. Only ask out anyone who has Aspergers. Aspergers and Aspergers are the perfect match. Aspergers and NT's are usually incompatible.

Find out who has Aspergers and then you only try asking them out. Both have Aspergers and a much higher chance of having shared interests. NTs are too concerned about expressing emotions, Aspergers are less emotional than NTs.

Hello, I have Aspergers. Do you have Aspergers? Answer No, move onto next. Answer Yes, talk more and find out what interests you have in common. Friends first and see how it goes from there.

I'd also like to add that if one really takes this process to heart...that it is a numbers game....and throw in the other adage that "there are always more fish in the sea", one can begin to rid themselves of the clinginess born of desperation, a desperation in which we imagine we'll never find another.

Do all of you truly learn from your experiences? I can't seem to, it's like I don't recognize or identify who's "incompatible" with me, on a grander, longer-term scale. If someone is interesting I like talking to them, but that may not translate to compatibility down the road. I think this is why I dislike dating so much, I never get any "refinement" to the process so it's like fishing with the wrong bait all the time and wondering why you're still hungry. And I'm older than most (all?) of you, I've tried and tried to "learn" this, but haven't, so far.

I've been taking an extended break from dating to try and sort this all out. Any suggestions?

I still dont get how people can take rejections without so much as batting an eyelash... I can't even handle being passed over for a job application without wondering what I did wrong. As far as I can tell, people are superhumanly thick-skinned if they can do that...

That's not smart.

You'll get even more No's.

Moreover, theres no guarentee you'll get along with an Aspie.

If you don't ask - the answer is always no.

I completely believe in the numbers thing. Always have backup and don't set your hopes too high on one person. Look at several and if one says no, then move on to someone else. It only makes sense. Also, having your mind set on one person at a time really narrows down your compatibility with others.