Doubts about Aspie ex-bf

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I would like to share with you my situation to know your opinion about it, since I'm NT and my ex is Aspie, so probably you will understand his behaviour better than I do.

Well, we were together for almost a year and we were really fine, he was really sweet with me and I was deeply in love with him. But one day I had to move to another country, (we already knew that that was going to happen), and he just said goodbye to me, he said he didn't want to continue the relationship because I don't have plans of returning there, and he doesn't want to move or even to travel to see me. He told me that he liked to be with me, and to cuddle with me, etc, but that he didn't love me, so that he was not sad for my leaving, and that he was not going to miss me. I would look for a possibility for returning to where he lives someday, but knowing that he doesn't love me and that he doesn't feel sad for not being with me anymore (while I cried for him everyday for months) makes me think that it's not worthy. I know he has feelings, because he is sad when he watches a sad movie or something, but even if we were really close, and he transmitted me love by his tenderness, apparently he didn't get to feel something big for me.

I was his first girlfriend, so I must have been very especial to him. What I can't understand is why he couldn't feel something big for me, he just said that it was because he never loved anyone before so he doesn't know how it feels like. I was so shocked and frustrating for that... I mean, one day we are the cutest couple ever, and when I have to leave he just say "bye" as if he didn't care. We keep in touch as friends, and in his messages there are no signs of affection at all, I mean, signs that would show that we were actually a couple, really, it's as if he didn't care about me and he was with me as if that was a game or something.

Do you think it's possible that he doesn't miss me at all, or that he never felt a strong affection for me, considering that we were dating for a time, and that during that time he was as tender with me as a bf can be? Do you think it's possible that he does love me but he doesn't know because as he never loved before he can't see it? Can you explain how can he just say good bye for ever one random day without any signs of sadness, as if I was just leaving to the supermarket for 10 minutes?

I'm so sad, I still love him and miss him, but to hear from him things like "I don't miss you" is killing me.

I'd appreciate any help or opinion, because I just can't understand him.

Does it matter? You're gone.

Sorry, but it's rather selfish to demand that a person be all broken up just so you can feel awesome about yourself.

Well, if you're gone, he may not see any logical reason why he should be missing you. It's not like him feeling something is gonna bring you back. Hence, any emotion he does feel is likely to be suppressed or misunderstood. Or possibly it's just an "out of sight out of mind" thing. He likely enjoys your company and being around you, but when you're not there, it's like you don't exist to him. It may seem like an odd way of being to you, but I suspect that that may be the case.

I think what you need to do is just learn to accept that that may be who he is. If you can accept him for who he is and still care for him, then perhaps you two can have some kind of future together (as friends or in a relationship). If not, then it is time for you to just move on with your life. Do what's gonna make you happy.

He may have been afraid to be himself and to give of himself, since he is very different

I know when I'm in a relationship, I very much enjoy the intense interaction time, but then I very much need my alone time.

To some on the spectrum, even traveling to a foreign country (or shorter) feels like going to Mars and completely unworkable. It may have felt like you were leaving him

He just doesn't love you back. It's really heartbreaking, but it happens.

If he doesn't miss you, then you need to concentrate on getting over him as soon as possible. There's no point in stewing over non-mutual feelings.

I feel badly for the emotional pain you're experiencing. But, when you say this ---v

I think it's possible that he may have really deep feelings for you OP but he is in denial about those feelings to you & maybe even himself. He may be trying to block em out so he can avoid the hurt & he may even be worried about you regretting your decision to move if you knew how bad he felt over it.

Not everyone can handle a long-distance relationship, particularly those with a strong need for physical affection (sexual or not). Since he knew the relationship would eventually become long distance, I'd assume he wouldn't have gotten involved with you unless he either was content with a permanently distant relationship (probably rare, actually), or else wasn't so into you that a breakup would make him fall apart. I really don't see anything weird about how it turned out.

Thank you all for your replies. I think I have to make something clear, I didn't move to another country because I wanted, the thing is that I was in his country as part of my professional training, like a stay in a foreign country for some time. Once that time was over I had to come back to my country to finish my training, and after that I will be "free" to go to look for a job or something wherever I want. That's why I had to leave, but if he loved me I would try to find the way for going back there after finishing my training to be with him. But if he doesn't need me there and I was just like a pastime for him, it's not worthy to settle in a foreign country just for him.

About ten years ago I had a relationship with a wonderful woman. She wanted a really close relationship. I didn't really trust myself. I didn't know what I wanted. So, I kind of tried on 'normal.' I tried to be the good version of myself. And I think I ended up being the truncated version instead.

It was too much asking myself, what should I do, maybe even what should I feel, and not enough simply being myself. This was before I had even really heard about Asperger's Syndrome. Me, autistic?---actually I talk too much! I had no understand that autism was a spectrum, that I can get into my mode of all-sending, no-receiving, and that I need copious amounts of alone time to process.

So, not being sure, I went along. Also I had heard 'normal' was so good, pretty much my whole life. I wish I had understood, it's all about engagement, not conformity.

We also missed the aspect of birds running back and forth along the beach. Instead of me pursuing her some of the time and she pursuing me some of the time, she pretty much pursued me the whole time. It seemed she always wanted more interaction.

I personally thought that after two years if you hadn't brought up the same possibility you talked about with us here of moving back there, he probably prepared himself for the worst and decided not to become attached. Its something I might've done to be honest. If you never brought it up, his behavior makes sense to me. If you did then, yeah maybe he just wasn't that invested.

I'll say its pretty weird for him to not "miss" you, although the love part is not. I'd miss a friend, or pet or even a long term acquaintance so to not miss a girlfriend is pretty unusual even if he didn't love you. But as I said, he might've prepared himself.