Interesting Dilemma... need some input on this

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I have been through 6 crazy relationships over the course of my life, my second one being one of the worst. The girl was absolutely crazy and drove me nuts for 6 months and drove me into a state of depression that interfered with my schoolwork and whatnot. She was clearly out for blood a couple years ago. This was also in high school where things were very different than they are now. I dated her briefly after she split up with my best friend (which little did i know at the time would be a HUGE mistake). Despite her serious problems (temper, no father figure, etc.) there was always a grace and innocence about her to me. She completely destroyed my original circle of friends and now all of my friends that are remaining hate her too. She has actually caused damage in public. To make a long story short, she completely ruined my life.

It's now 2 years later and I think I'm growing a soft spot for this girl again. I cannot explain why, it's just there and it confuses me. The problem is, the last time I tried to make up with her and talk to her all of my friends got mad at me and distrusted me for quite awhile and I still feel bad about it. That being said, the feeling is still there... I made an uneasy peace with her but I want to be friends again but this is one of those things where everyone (including my own parents) have a strong disliking for her. I will never forget what happened then, but maybe she has changed?

This is quite a conundrum! The feelings are bubbling up inside me yet I know I'll get in trouble and hated if I say what I'm really thinking... anybody know what I should do?

Generally speaking, what your family or friends think about your partner shouldn't be a deciding factor. They aren't the ones dating her; you are.

However, you said yourself that she's "ruined your life" and that your first relationship with her was rocky. I also sense there might be some pretty heavy stuff going on.

I believe in giving second chances, and I believe people can change, but you have to be VERY careful if you want to go this way. Make sure she has, indeed, changed BEFORE you enter in any relationship with her.

Generally, it's best to stay away in situations like this, but like I said, I believe in second chances, so if you really want to give it a try, make sure the girl is in a better state than before. And let me tell you, it's not easy to determine this: it takes time. So... Take time.

Off-topic question: Are you REALLY a diagnosed aspie?

That might not be an off topic question.

yes i am

Ok Dick, Bruce and Barbara (among others) warned you the first time about getting into a relationship with Selina. You saw how that worked out for you.


Do you really want to go through that again? Come on man I know she's hot, but you gotta be smart.

Hmm.

Clever. Kudos to you!

Boo, you don't think I am?

Forget it, I don't want to discuss this here.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 14 Dec 2011, 6:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Good advice. Yes, a series of medium steps taking one's time. And trusting feel and texture equally with intellect if not more so.

Now, you state you want to be friends with her, and not necessarily a romantic or sexual relationship? Now, if you're later interested in that, being friends for a while and seeing if you have both grown and there's enough areas of compatibility, that's actually a good way to see.

Boo: Ok then.

Swimmer: Yes I agree it is good avice. It's just a little intimidating to try and chase something you know is going to have a chance of being a little risky

NOT a good idea. theres someone better out there for you. dating someone who 'ruins your life' is pretty silly. stop thinking with your heart because in the end it will punch you in the face when you should have listened to your brain instead.

you gotta use both. if your heart says yes, but your brain says no, then its probably not right to move forward with her. when both your heart AND your brain say yes, then its ok to move forward.

and maybe your brain isnt telling you what it needs to, in this case that would be "DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, date someone who is as ridiculous as this".

You want to make a decision out of a quiet confident place, and not loneliness or any other kind of desperation. Maybe when quietly reading when you're also looking forward to something later on. I also sometimes think well when I'm showering or shaving, or taking a walk.

And if you decide to pursue her, all you're pursuing at the beginning is a phone call or maybe a get-together.

Maybe a mental place where you tell yourself, It's okay to pursue her, It's okay not to. Now, which feels right?

Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 15 Dec 2011, 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Believe it or not, it does happen. It's just that aspies with lives don't always see the need to post on forums - why would they need to?

??