Giving up on the idea of marriage/kids, geting too old?

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I've had the dream since I was a small kid that I would have kids by now (actually quite some time ago) and the reality of my situation is that I cannot even support myself, much less a wife & kids. I think it's getting too late, since I'm 36 and in school, but wouldn't be ready to start dating until I'm 40. Considering I'm still tying to figure out how to date (and get past the first few dates), I think it might be time to start looking at what a life alone might be like.

Please my friend, your not a woman (not offence to women on this board).

What I mean by this is women cannot have children by the age of 40 (for some, it can be longer but this is roughly the age where they stop have periods) which is why most women panic and settle for any man before they reach this age but for you, your semen will work till you die of old age, really you have no rush and should be pleased that is the case.

But if I may ask, what have you been doing the past 36 years? It seems you had plenty of time to do all of this.

Trying and failing, badly.

Well give us an idea of what it has been like in your shoes, we are not you so we are not sure what advice to give you due to a lack of a backstory, if you want some help then please explain what you have tried/experienced and why have you not had any luck in finding someone, tell us what you have been doing for the past 36 years.

Awwwe sadly that seems to be part of my reality too. I came to the conclusion a few years ago that I'm really not marriage material. Not because I'm ugly "been called a 10 a few times LOL", or because my personality is different than most. I feel this way because I genuinely have a hard time looking after myself or making myself happy in life with my struggles most related to my autism. For many people it'd be hard to have a partner with struggles like mine and I'm not going to put the burden on anyone particularly my age. I have a lot of very limiting and disabling struggles with my autism that borders on mental illness and possibly even future cognitive degeneration. A lot of genetic diseases are in family tree and my grand mother had a horribly deformed baby that was very scary to look at and it died the day it was born. I refuse to have a baby because there is a 50% chance it could be Autistic, bipolar or schizophrenic or even all three of them (T_T) that's what I've noticed in my family tree anyway. I know what it's like to grow up with disabilities like that and I wouldn't wish it on my child. I'd rather just not have a child. Unfortunately the demand to have a baby in a marriage is often high so that's another reason for me. I'd be OK with marring someone who could get past my disabilities. I wouldn't even mind someone who had kids with another person.

Anyway Don't completely give up hope you could find someone who's had kids and can deal with your disabilities,. I'm not giving up on that. Anyway your still an awesome relationship age and even when your 40 single women your age will still be very sexually active I don't think it's the end of the world quite yet for you. I'd worry more at age 50, right now you still have a great window of opportunity to meet women and you'd be surprised too because 35-45 year old women who are single can be extremely sexually active, very mature and clear about their motives and what they want in a relationship more of them are looking to settle down as well.

I don't know how to date and don't know how to meet women, other than sheer randomness.

I spent most of my 20's assuming I was ugly, which is the only thing I could assume since no one wanted to go out with me and no one ever noticed me (I now know it's because I couldn't recognize the signs.) Whenever I did meet someone, I put them on such a pedestal that I drove them away (ie huge expensive bouquets on a first date.) I managed to live with the first girl I ever slept with in my late 20's, but she eventually cheated on me since I wasn't experienced enough for her (I'm sure being supported by my parents didn't help my cause either.) I've tried various methods over the past 5 years, but I think I'm just going back to being me and not trying to sell myself nor impress someone.

I've been using online dating sites over the years too, but nothing has ever come from any of them except a first date.

I don't think I could raise/help raise someone else's kids. I know that sounds sh***y to say, but I just can't see it, especially since I can't even raise myself right now (living with my mom and getting financial assistance from my dad.) It's great that there are sexually active women out there, but I don't know how to find them and be active with them (it's been almost 2 years since I last had sex.) There's that whole signals thing that prevents me from meeting people except for the rare random occasion every few years. I don't have any friends either, so I lack any setup possibilities.

That's a great start being true to yourself is going to prevent major relationship killing conflicts from not meeting others expectations.
BTW is that you in your display picture? If yes then is that a recent photo? because I do see a very attractive looking guy in that picture.
Anyway I know NT's your age that are still single like my boss who's 35 NT and still not married himself. He told me he didn't want marriage or kids till he was in his 40s. He's a good looking attractive guy but very very picky and even a little promiscuous. I think that you'd have better luck meeting women by joining clubs or groups that are related to activities your interested in. Do you have any passions that you could take to a group setting? Like an art club or a sport club?

I know that feeling I have the same problem with needing family support. It's harder for a guy because women naturally tend to expect that they can be reliant on males in relationships. It'd be worse with a kid. Yeah it's a tough thing to do when you can't provided well for yourself and you couldn't provide well for a partner or their child. I understand it does really sucks. It's not worth entirely giving up on yet even if you don't find someone till your a decade older. I think you should still try to have relationships especially sexual ones. Even if in the end that's all they end up being. It's still good to have those experiences.

Yes, that's me. It's a few years old, but the only change is that I'm a bit more gray now. It's taken years to come to this point, but I don't think I'm an ugly guy anymore. I don't get noticed very often, but I no longer assume that it's because no one finds me attractive.

I wish I was in the position of being able to make that choice like your boss did. The whole point of this thread is that it seems as if the choice is being made for me, and that I need to re-adjust my goals in life. Without anything remotely close to a successful career, I can't really be in any sort of provider role until I get done with school (40) and even then it's probably going to take a few years to get settled - assuming the problems in finding/getting work don't also rear their ugly head after I get a degree. I can't even get a job at some really sh***y near-minimum wage restaurant jobs. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to sell myself into a professional role down the road, but that's another topic entirely.

I've tried clubs, but most end up being sausage-fests. I'm in one at school which is 98% women, but they're all 18-22 (ie WAY too young for me right now.) Again, I'm still learning the tricks of nonverbal communication, so I'm not sure how simply being around a group of women is going to help if I can't recognize they're interested.

Thanks for the responses, BTW. It helps.

Yeah I get the career thing I'll probably have the same problem since I haven't gone to school yet and right now I do have a sh***y restaurant job. As far none verbal communication as a guy you just have to make the chick your talking with feel important. Even if you aren't good at it. Offering to buy her a coffee or a drink is a good way to start. Try to make eye contact with her when she's talking about something that sounds really relevant to her. Like if she's telling you her plans for the future that kind of thing. Actually if you look hard enough you might be able to find a good therapist that can help you with understanding women and forming sexual relationships. Maybe even a sex therapist.

The thing is to try and make your life something special without a partner or kids. God luck - It's the secret to true happiness.

You! I remember you! You were one of those very optimist, mature and hopeful rare users. Damn, you are even handsome (no homo!).

I thought you were doing fine. At least this was my impression about you.

You've demotivated me and ruined my last-minutes-before-bed with this thread! Thank you!

bleh, I am going to bed, nighty.

This is the point I'm having trouble reaching, simply getting to the point of talking to someone. If I'm having troubles with this, then marriage & kids is putting the cart before the horse (like a country mile before the horse.)

If you're referring to my "don't complain" posts from earlier this year, not much has really changed. I'm still doing what I can to make the best of my situation, but I think that being overly optimistic was actually doing me a disservice. I can sit here at age 36, 40, 50, etc and continue being optimistic that the dreams I once had are still going to happen, or I can readjust my dreams and try for something more realistic so I can prepare to keep moving forward.

Am I a bit down right now over the idea of a dream possibly dying? You bet. I'd be a cold hearted SOB if I wasn't distraught over the idea that I may never have children of my own.

I don't understand why you feel like you have to support a wife and children. Why can't you both support a household? I think this might be one of the more unrealistic parts of your "plan".

Also, DeanAdamFry, though it's harder to get pregnant with a healthy child in one's 40's (or at all, really), women don't go through menopause at 40. It's not until the late 40's (at the earliest) up to the early 60's (at the latest).