More advanced people

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I tend to struggle around people higher functioning than me.

You know, people that are good looking, smart and not slow, not poor, and not socially challenged. We'd be on different wavelengths; they'd spend time talking about getting money and "money before b*****s", who and how many people they've slept with, gossiping and talking trash about people they think are beneath them(even people they hung out with), and what party/club/social event they'll be attending on the weekend.

Needless to say, I don't identify with any of this stuff. I was always nervous whenever I hung around people like that, and I always tried to bring up my interests in convos because I could never relate to what they did and talked about.

I tried not to embarrass myself around people like that, but it was futile. I was made fun of and ridiculed because how ugly, ret*d, pathetic, and weird I was and I happened to be a pretty easy target.

They couldn't understand how a person my age had never kissed a girl and was still a virgin. They couldn't understand why I acted so weird and why someone would be like that in public. They couldn't understand why I never went anywhere and stayed at home most of the time.

Now keep in mind these were "friends" of mine, at least I thought so at the time.

The only real social success I've had is with people way younger than me. I'm talking in the 11-14 age range. When I was around age 15, I started hanging out with 10-12 year olds. It was pretty great. We played alot of video games and card games like Yu-Gi-Oh. (I was really into that back then) There was no pressure to talk down and make fun of people, no pressure to talk to and date girls, (none were really interested at that age) no pressure to have money, and no pressure to act normal. I could somewhat be myself around them

The truth about it is that I still, to this day, identify best with people that age. I still watch a lot of shows on Nick, Disney, and Cartoon Network, as well as a bunch Saturday morning cartoons on different channels.

How this ties into dating is that over the years, numerous girls/women have referred to me "little boy" as sort of a condescending put down. Like I'm this naive little kid, when I'm actually a grown man. Idk maybe it's the way I act and think .

Maybe I was under-developed or something, which would also explain a host of other problems I have.

Why do you care about meeting the standards of people who don't deserve your admiration?
If I were met with such people, I would not make any efforts to hide the fact that I really didn't give a $#!^ what they thought about me. I would not be interested in approval from them in the least bit.



I always find it ironic the presumptions NTs make about what people with AS don't understand when they are completely blind to the many things they themselves don't understand.



Maybe. An immature man makes women nervous with respect to dating because I think there is a subconscious fear that these men won't be able to step up to the plate when needed. That is to say, many women want to get married and have families, and raising a family is akin to running a business. It's a serious matter. It can be stressful. It can be financially taxing, and if this is a traditional family then the wife needs to know that her husband can procure the resources, financial and otherwise, to help support and safeguard the family.

Watching cartoons just doesn't communicate to women that a man is capable of those things.

You can do a few things to get around this though.
1. Stop watching the cartoons and focus your interests on more mature past times.
2. Keep watching cartoons but find other, more mature or worldly things to discuss with women.
3. Find a woman who doesn't care that you like these cartoons.

I hung out with them because most people thought they cool and the desire to have friends my age. I mean they were attractive (at least most girls thought so) had money, and wore the latest fashions. I thought if I could fit with them, people would find me cool and attractive.

Needless to say, it didn't work out. I spent most of the time being made fun of and humiliated because of how inadequate I was compared to them. I tried and tried, but failed miserably to meet their standards.

I probably did more damage to their rep, just with them being seen with me, than they did to improve mine.

Perhaps find friends that are more liberal, acceptable and tolerant towards your differences or people that generally are quirky themselves. Don't compromise yourself and be something you're not simply to fit in. Find people who share a similar interest and have a similar level of maturity or understanding.

Stop hanging out with the party crowd, try to join a club where the interest in the main focus, rather than the status and character traits being the main focus. If you're into sports, go to charity runs, marathons, join a sports team, converse with people who are into sports. If you're into art, join art clubs, browse art galleries, converse with people in art galleries. If you're into computers, join techie clubs, go to game conventions, try to meet people that hold an interest in that.

Often times (but not always), people like that congregate in groups which consist of a small number of narcissists and a large number of those with a lot of insecurities. They are all so worried about what others think of them except for the ones who think they are so great and perfect to begin with.

I think you can find higher quality friends out there who will actually appreciate your friendship and who you can have a good time with.

I find the same thing as you MR20, that I struggle among those higher functioning than me. I can be out of my depth. This might even include higher functioning Aspies than me, not just NT's. And it doesn't just have to be the party crowd, or the highly social crowd either. For example I definitely struggle among those who are very highly educated, intellectual or critical thinking, because of the way my brain functions. But yes, it's about finding friends who function at a level you're comfortable with, as I've been able to do.

It sounds like you already understand the ways in which these people, as high-status as they may be, are acting somewhat despicably. I would not put this sort of behavior in the "advanced people" category.

I wouldn't imagine this is a "function" matter as opposed to a feeling of insecurity on your part. This isn't anything to be ashamed of, just something best outgrown.

There were any number of kids like this in school where I grew up. They may be in higher paying jobs, they may have more of the conventional "success" bits laid out in front of them than I've got headed for me. But for me, I know that I've earned all of it on my own a lot more than they have, those who had their parents, money or status arrange an easy life for them. Worse, I've walked past some of these folks on their way to and from work years later, and the deadness I saw in their eyes tells me that what they were up to didn't help them for really living. Maybe they got laid a lot more than I did during high school, but I can look myself in the mirror in the morning, and it's easy to decide: "well, I do some pretty interesting s**t and people even pay me for this; I don't hurt anyone; and whatever irritating or rotten parts of my life may exist, they're in my power to change. More importantly, all those parts of my life, rotten and wonderful, are mine."

That's awesome - well put.

I feel almost exactly the same way, I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's...

Finding friends like that is a dream of mine. Also ones that share my interests, and ones that I can be around w/o having pressure to act and talk a certain way.

I could just be myself and they would accept me for who I am.

Yeah higher functioning aspies are included. I've found it hard to relate to most of them on this forums and various chats I've been in.

I've never met any aspies IRL.

If I ever met aspies that were high functioning, I would probably struggle to befriend and communicate with them. And after hanging out with me for awhile, they'd probably view me similar to the people I described in the OP did.

Are you trying to say I'm not lower functioning? I'm not going to list the reasons, but if you've seen my other threads and posts you'd know how hopeless I am.



With all the things I've described about myself, (including the fact that I can barely take of myself at age 25) I'm nowhere near being high functioning.

only when i finally found an aspie group to attend earlier this year, did i finally feel like i was around my true peers. we are all addled to some extent, in various ways, and due to this i no longer feel inferior. there are no high-functioning aspies in my group, which i am thankful for, because they likely would try to set the tone in an intellectual way that would be uncomfortable for me.

Yeah they (also normal people) are interested in politics, philosophy, evolution, history, science, etc. I'd be at an major disadvantage because I have no hope of grasping any of that stuff, and wouldn't be able to debate/discuss any of it with any real depth.

I'd probably try to mask the lack of knowledge by bringing my interests (video games, anime, tv show, etc) every chance I could. Once they figure it out though, (they will, only a matter of time) it wouldn't be any different than hanging out with the people I talked about in the OP.

what meager knowledge of such things that i have, i'd gladly impart on anybody who would listen to me. i bet that if we were in the same room i'd have you opining on such in no time at all, because we all have opinions about things that concern us. politics concerns us all because we all are at the mercy of the powerful. armchair philosophy isn't hifalutin, but we all have our own views of life. you have your own view of life, that is your own philosophy and it isn't to be disrespected just because it may not have an academic pedigree. i wish you were in my aspie group, the more the merrier.



it is just as important to have good questions as it is to have good answers. there are people who love answering questions. why not hang with people who are more into video games, anime and other entertainments that you fancy? what's the use of being around people that aren't in sync with you or people that are alien to you?

I just wanted to feel accepted, and I thought if it was with people that was better at making friends, dating, and succeeding in life in general, I would feel better about myself. Keep in mind this is when I was still in denial about my aspergers, (or that anything was wrong with me, when that obviously wasn't the case) and I wanted to believe that I could have a normal happy life, have real friends and date.

Reality set in after a few years, of course.

Right now I don't have any money to go to gaming or anime conventions, and I don't think many people near where I live are interested in that stuff to the extent that I am.

that brings back depressing memories of mine, when i was about your age without a pot to pee in nor a window to throw it out of. or of living out in the sticks and not having the money for a car to go to civilization or other places with, of being stuck in place with nothing to do but mope. the only thing which got me out of that mode was joining the army, which btw was #1 on my list of things never to do, but life has a penchant for changing people's best plans.