Getting another puppy when we're still training this one

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shiflimtamfloo
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28 Sep 2012, 10:01 am

Ok, so me and my girlfriend live in a house together we just moved in. We JUST got a puppy about a month ago, a jack russel/pug. It's really cute, and we are finally getting it to listen better, although it's still very hyper, chases the cats, goes crazy sometimes. Basically, we are still training it.

The place we bought the puppy from is still selling his brother, and they've lowered the price down to just a hundred. She now wants that dog like, really bad. She was occasionally saying it before, what if we got him, but it wasn't anything serious. Now she like needs this dog. I tried talking to her, saying we should at least wait till he's better trained. She won't listen, and she just wants it. We've had a lot fo problems with stuff, we fight and argue a lot anyway, so this is just adding to our problems.

I really like this house, and the puppy, but adding another one just as hyper as him, seems too soon to me. But she needs to get this dog quick cause it might get sold, and she'll resent me since it was only cause of me that she wouldn't get it. IT seems like this is ending our relationship right away. She says that she doesn't wanna wait, cause she wants this dog, and if not this dog, she won't care about getting another dog since she needs THIS one, cause it's his brother, and the dog will be so happy.

I understand all her points about getting him, he does seem like he wants to play with another dog, but I keep looking it up and it seems like its twice as much work, and worse if the first one's not trained yet. She wants to be more spontaneous than me, I guess. This sucks. Any advice? She thinks it's not a big decision, and it shouldn't be this divisive thing like this. ME too, but I think it should be something we talk about and there's a possibility we DONT get the dog. With her, the end result has to be getting the dog.

I do think I have aspergers and she's starting to as well I think. It just takes a little while for me to adjust to some new thing, and we just got this dog last month. Idk, I just fee llike my reasoning makes sense, more than hers, but I'd like to hear some unbiased feedback.

I just don't know what to do. I'd love some advice, from anyone experienced in relationships, it would be nice to hear any advice even if it's telling me to be more open to it.



PTSmorrow
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28 Sep 2012, 11:14 am

Been there, done that. I'm not going to ask you who of you is paying the bills and doing more housework, just talking about how it was for me.

We were young -- in our early twenties. She had not much interest in working, so i had to care about money. Then we had the first dog and she didn't care. She did in the way that she would spoil the dog rotten, but a dog needs strict education. She would let the dog do whatever it wanted, even dangerous things. We were fighting all the time. She was an emotional person and extremely irresponsible.

If you say yes to the second dog, and i did, she will put more pressure on you. She will want anything like a new car and if you say no, she will say "if you'd love me you'd say yes!" and she will shed rivers of tears and also refuse sex until you give in. If you are going to let her have her way just once, you're lost for as long as this relationship is going to last. In the long run, you can't live with an unreasonable person. They're great in bed but a walking disaster in all other respects. What they call spontaneity is in fact a refusal to grow up. A second dog is not only more work; think about veterinary bills.

I think the backdrop of the problem is that she wants to get her way. The dog is only means to an end.



DogsWithoutHorses
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28 Sep 2012, 11:31 am

If you're going to have two dogs eventually
getting all of the puppy mess, pee on your floor grossness all at once might make sense (like not having children with large age gaps so that you can put your diaper years behind you as quickly as possible)

2 dogs at once will be more work than one puppy, but less work than two puppies seperatley

also the dogs will entertain and socialize with eachother which can result in better emotional health/behavior from the dogs and could mean they won't need quite as much attention to stay happy

having another dog is not going to be as big of a change as getting the first one

if she's taking an active role in dog care I don't think it would be a huge burden to let her have this one


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wtfid2
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28 Sep 2012, 12:46 pm

shiflimtamfloo wrote:
Ok, so me and my girlfriend live in a house together we just moved in. We JUST got a puppy about a month ago, a jack russel/pug. It's really cute, and we are finally getting it to listen better, although it's still very hyper, chases the cats, goes crazy sometimes. Basically, we are still training it.

The place we bought the puppy from is still selling his brother, and they've lowered the price down to just a hundred. She now wants that dog like, really bad. She was occasionally saying it before, what if we got him, but it wasn't anything serious. Now she like needs this dog. I tried talking to her, saying we should at least wait till he's better trained. She won't listen, and she just wants it. We've had a lot fo problems with stuff, we fight and argue a lot anyway, so this is just adding to our problems.

I really like this house, and the puppy, but adding another one just as hyper as him, seems too soon to me. But she needs to get this dog quick cause it might get sold, and she'll resent me since it was only cause of me that she wouldn't get it. IT seems like this is ending our relationship right away. She says that she doesn't wanna wait, cause she wants this dog, and if not this dog, she won't care about getting another dog since she needs THIS one, cause it's his brother, and the dog will be so happy.

I understand all her points about getting him, he does seem like he wants to play with another dog, but I keep looking it up and it seems like its twice as much work, and worse if the first one's not trained yet. She wants to be more spontaneous than me, I guess. This sucks. Any advice? She thinks it's not a big decision, and it shouldn't be this divisive thing like this. ME too, but I think it should be something we talk about and there's a possibility we DONT get the dog. With her, the end result has to be getting the dog.

I do think I have aspergers and she's starting to as well I think. It just takes a little while for me to adjust to some new thing, and we just got this dog last month. Idk, I just fee llike my reasoning makes sense, more than hers, but I'd like to hear some unbiased feedback.

I just don't know what to do. I'd love some advice, from anyone experienced in relationships, it would be nice to hear any advice even if it's telling me to be more open to it.
you shouldnt get any dogs if you refer to them as it. Your puppy wants t play with you not another dog. Ask the neighbors if he can play with their dog.


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shiflimtamfloo
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28 Sep 2012, 1:54 pm

Yeah, thanks for your replies. Didn't mean to say "it", I usually don't. Thanks for saying that it won't be as big as getting the first was. All this stuff online is just stressing me out. Looking stuff up online really is just stupid. Everytime I do it just its like this negative crap. It doesn't even paint the full picture. Anyway, actually I don't provide for her, we usually split things evenly. The house was her idea and it's in her name, we've had problems on and off and it just has been uncertain with us for so long. I just don't want that anymore and she doesn't. So this dumb second dog thing I guess is really probably about our root problems, in that I get stressed about change and responsibility too much and she isn't, she wants to be excited about it. All I need is just my hobbies, and her. Her sister lives with us too and that's been a source of frustration for awhile.
I do love the dog, he's cute and he's really listening a lot better now. I just was worried that it was irresponsible to get another dog already, but she does do a lot, if not most of, the playing with him and stuff.

Also she gets these ideas she wants, like before she wanted a hamster, so she just got one without too much thought, and it turned out it was a female hamster and she had 6 babies, one of which died and we think the mom died now. So I think that was another factor in this, I worry that she does things like all of a sudden, whereas I think things out and I'm really hesitant about stuff. I think the other dog would be very cute playing with him but I need to just like deal with stress better.

And yeah, we don't talk very well. Yesterday we had a great night and stuff, but then right before bed she asked me again about the dog, she had been asking me all day what do I think, and also calling her family and saying how she wants one, all that stuff. So i felt pressured that I had no choice and that we should talk it out instead of her making up her mind. It is frustrating but I see her points, I just didn't think she was seeing mine and I think we're both stubborn.



wtfid2
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28 Sep 2012, 1:59 pm

shiflimtamfloo wrote:
Yeah, thanks for your replies. Didn't mean to say "it", I usually don't. Thanks for saying that it won't be as big as getting the first was. All this stuff online is just stressing me out. Looking stuff up online really is just stupid. Everytime I do it just its like this negative crap. It doesn't even paint the full picture. Anyway, actually I don't provide for her, we usually split things evenly. The house was her idea and it's in her name, we've had problems on and off and it just has been uncertain with us for so long. I just don't want that anymore and she doesn't. So this dumb second dog thing I guess is really probably about our root problems, in that I get stressed about change and responsibility too much and she isn't, she wants to be excited about it. All I need is just my hobbies, and her. Her sister lives with us too and that's been a source of frustration for awhile.
I do love the dog, he's cute and he's really listening a lot better now. I just was worried that it was irresponsible to get another dog already, but she does do a lot, if not most of, the playing with him and stuff.

Also she gets these ideas she wants, like before she wanted a hamster, so she just got one without too much thought, and it turned out it was a female hamster and she had 6 babies, one of which died and we think the mom died now. So I think that was another factor in this, I worry that she does things like all of a sudden, whereas I think things out and I'm really hesitant about stuff. I think the other dog would be very cute playing with him but I need to just like deal with stress better.

And yeah, we don't talk very well. Yesterday we had a great night and stuff, but then right before bed she asked me again about the dog, she had been asking me all day what do I think, and also calling her family and saying how she wants one, all that stuff. So i felt pressured that I had no choice and that we should talk it out instead of her making up her mind. It is frustrating but I see her points, I just didn't think she was seeing mine and I think we're both stubborn.
what is the need for two dogs? can;t you just love one puppy? I have one dog and he is all i need. If you get two dogs they might die similarly close to eachother...atleast spacing the times out will give you a lot more dog yrs.


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AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits