I asked someone out finally...

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For the first time in two-and-a-half years, I gathered up enough courage today to directly ask a girl if she would go out with me. Well, last time was a bit different, because I did it through e-mail, but today I did it in person. Yep, I finally did it.

Now, the girl I asked said she has had a boyfriend for a few months, but it sounds like it is a rather open relationship and she would still like to go out as friends. I admitted to her how long it had been since I gathered up enough courage to do what I did, and she was quite flattered that I gathered up the courage to ask her. I was gently touching her upper leg and knee, and she gave me a big hug afterwards. Other times I've seen her recently she's touched my arm.

So who knows where that will lead. Maybe I'll give her a flower another time.

cool. a bit of advice though if she already has a boyfriend i wouldn't be expecting anything from her that boyfriends/girlfriends do. still, it sounds like you made a pretty good friend.

I agree with waterdogs if she has boyfriend it might be best to lay low for a while, however her behavior torwards you suggests that their could be something their. Only time will tell..

friends is better than Gf, well done

Gf is generally a short term thing, friends can easily be for life. Even if it never advances to Gf, consider yourself ahead.

Great, I'm happy for you ELLCIM. Just keep things going slowly and don't push her into anything she wouldn't be comfortable with. Given that she's said she has a boyfriend, she obviously respects you enough to be honest and upfront but it may also be a warning to not to try and go too far with her.

I don't see anything wrong with giving her a flower or two at this point. She *did* say that she'd go out with me, before saying "now I do have a boyfriend". She went on to say that she'll go out with me now, and I could be her boyfriend if and when things don't work with the guy she's dating right now. My sense is that it is not an overly serious relationship that she is in.

That being said, I'm going to try this again with someone else in the coming days. Or I might send someone flowers - haven't decided for sure yet. It's not as scary as I thought it would be! All those feminists over the years that held me back using their scare tactics, including proposing a law in Canada that would severely punish guys that gave them a simple goodnight kiss on a date. And shame on everyone over the past six years who have pleaded with me to not be forward or direct with girls about my feelings for them. All that advice I've received is bogus. I am rapidly discovering that my lack of a relationship is because I don't tell people how I feel about them, and other people I know that are in relationships or have been in the past say the best way is just to be direct and say how you feel.

There's a caveat here. Sending flowers seems to be going out of style nowadays, at least in the US, where I live. Maybe the "rules" are more traditional in Canada, I don't know. I'd send a note or a small gift instead, and reserve flowers for a more serious occasion, like a birthday or an anniversary.

I don't think there's any "rules" about giving flowers or the like. I think it would be more special if it was a random occasion rather than an expected occasion like Christmas, Valentine's Day, or their birthday (which in one case is not until May). It would show spontaneity, and I know women in general love spontaneity.

Random flower giving will get you big points, not just any old flower either, flowers all have meanings, see here
http://www.clareflorist.co.uk/meanings.asp

so give her something that represents what you are trying to say or how you feel. Generally that will be worth big points, especially if the other boyfriend never did anything romantic (he may want to beat you up if he finds out about it though, it makes him look really stupid ).

The key with flowers is to not overdo it. Give them a bit and leave them wanting more.

let me play devil's advocate.


don't give girls flowers until after you've kissed them at least 5 times. even then, you might wanna wait a while. otherwise you seem kinda desperate.

also, she probably wouldn't have immediately mentioned the boyfriend if she's in an open relationship, unless she didn't want it to be open with you.

How about a single flower, like a daisy you picked from the garden?

I think you should take it slow. There are two compelling reasons for this:
1) If she wants a relationship with you, she'll make sure it'll happen since she knows you do too. Trying to force things in that direction can speed things up (if it's already possible) but it will never improve your odds.
2) If you don't pressure her, then you have the second option of being friends. A close female friend has many of the emotional benefits of a girlfriend, and you'd probably end up getting together that way anyway.

Although you the situation more intimately than I do, I strongly recommend not giving her a flower.

I'm going to leave it alone for now.

Good for you. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, even if it's a bad idea to get in a relationship, or even if it's an altogether bad idea, asking people out can be pretty hard.

Or at least, it can seem hard.

I don't know enough about the situation to make any real judgements. But I do know that it's good to have courage.


I hope things work out. And if they don't, I hope they work out with someone else.

Or at least that you have a fun time trying.

See, its weird though - you get advice like that and then you get the top dating guru's like David D telling guys NEVER to do anything like buy flowers or research her interests and try to do something accordingly because they take that as conieving and manipulation and tend to just hate the guy for being an unoriginal wuss. I don't know what to think on it just because I've met all kinds and I could see it going either way.

I don't bother with David D anymore. He's just trying to sell a product and his methods are not designed for the long-term. He does not address that long-term couples often begin as friends for some period of time before things happen. Those who have been successful have told me the same thing, and it's very different from what David D would say.

He's just trying to help guys get laid. I think his stuff is bogus anyways - I've seen the same newsletters recycled like TV reruns.