Love, NT's and me.

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Has anyone else ever had NT friends try to talk them out of loving someone just because that person doesn't love you back? I don't understand the need for a NT to be all 'you should move on' 'they're not worth it'. It perplexes me as to why they feel the need to go on about how much they love someone and then when things become too hard, they give up :/ I know I love this girl and she makes me happy no matter what and I have loved her for the last three years and almost eight months! In all this time all I've ever had is people telling me to move on because she doesn't love me back. If I'm happy within my life while loving her and DO NOT want anyone else for certain reasons, why does it matter so much to them that I'm not being 'normal' and doing the 'normal' thing by moving on. I sometimes wonder if I'm able to live this way due to the whole autistic condition. If it is due to that then it makes me very happy to be who I am I would hate to be like my friends who just follow the norm and all these so called 'rules' that don't even exist. If anyone else has experienced this, have you ever found a way to really show these people you mean what you say 100%?

xcgh,c

It's good to have someone that also doesn't understand. In my view love is something you work hard for and you put up with all the hard aspects too.. to an extent.. nobody wants to be in a violent relationship or something. I hate to be touched and hate eye contact and generally feel uncomfortable around everyone. I would let the girl I love touch me/hug me etc and look me in the eyes, everything with her feels so right! I'm also willing to be just friends with her considering she is with someone else. I have my down days about not being with her but the thought of her keeps me strong, the love for her I have keeps me strong too. I love her that much that I want her in my life as just a friend. But this is just bizarre to a NT, I don't understand why they can't see this is more love than their typical view of it. Example: Cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend and then saying they didn't mean it, then doing it again!! And this to many people I've come across is their idea of being in love with a person? :/ This world is such a crazy place to live in.

NeXus_Blueliner, it isn't just NTs who would suggest that you move on from your feelings for that girl; aspies may give you the same advice. are you in a relationship with her or is it one-sided attraction?

It's possibly one sided, she has had feelings for me before but then she got a bit weird :/ She's a very confusing girl lol. I suppose I could of said I'm confused as to why any person would say move on when they have odd takes on what love actually is.

one-sided attraction can be unhealthy in some cases, and your friends might be concerned that you are not emotionally progressing. they might worry you are becoming obsessed as well. they may think that you would be happier in a mutual relationship where your love is returned.

as long as nobody is getting hurt - not the girl (i.e. you are not stalking her or making her really uncomfortable), not you (i.e. you are not suffering for these feelings), and not your family or friends (i.e. you haven't abandoned them in a single-minded pursuit of love) - then it is not necessarily a bad thing.

assuming she is aware of your feelings and has not yet agreed to a relationship, you should be aware that there is not a large likelihood this will progress anywhere in future. there could be a chance in some cases, for example if you are very close friends, but it is not a very likely scenario. your friends might be trying to help you to understand that, because if you stay stuck on her it could potentially lead to an unhealthy fixation, and later on bitterness and lost opportunities.

if you are are content with the status quo and truly happy focusing on someone who does not return your feelings, then it might be harmless. but it kind of seems like your friends are worried about you, and over 3 years is a long time to be stuck on someone as you are hoping for a long shot.

as an aside, i think it is possible to love someone but not have a relationship work with them. i love my former husband and he loves me too, but we are longer suited to each other. we are ok with moving on. now it is less of a romantic love and more of a best-friend love.

Yeah I should also say I have issues and am really messed-up and know that my way of doing things is bad.

I'm very aware it's a long shot with this girl and I never neglect my friends or family for her. I live my life and am truly happy with it. If this was the last girl I loved then it would never matter to me as going into relationships is just too much to handle most of the time. With her things never feel tense or like I need to back away. I never would let my love for her destroy any potential I have and would never let it stop me living my life properly. I've told my friends this constantly and they still try to make me move on I know I can be obsessed over her at times but I don't let it take over my judgement. It's just very baffling to explain everything rationally and clearly to my friends and they just choose not to believe in it and think they know what's best for me. They rarely seem to realise I'm capable of making my own decisions. I probably have come across as a bit of an obsessed love sick puppy in my last posts lol. Can assure anyone though that I have my head screwed on properly I just don't understand this NEED people have for others to follow what they do/believe. Especially when no one is getting hurt.

well, that makes perfect sense. you sound quite balanced about it. she does sound like your "special interest" in a way, which is interesting. i have been known to become a bit obsessed, myself.

Haha yes she can be that. So can my best friend too There really is something about those two girls!

purchase, you had good advice too.

Up until a year ago, I would have fully agreed with you and your rationale. I used to develop major crushes on particular girls, latest one was about a year and a half. I used to say that people who would just tell me "get over her" if nothing was developing within a certain amount of time weren't as dedicated or loyal or passionate as I was, but I learned that they were right, I was wrong, and I learned WHY.

Getting stuck on one girl for months/years on end is destructive. Deep inside, you feel depressed because things are not going the way you want them to go, and you're creating a fantasy where you're with this girl in a romantic relationship that is just totally unrealistic. You may think it's fine now, but what if she finds a guy that SHE really likes and as a result ends up hooking up with him? How are you going to handle that? Are you still going to pursue her after that? You see your pursuit of her as a possible slow build up to something greater or just hope that one day she will fall in love with you when really you should be seeing it as you just wasted almost four years chasing after a girl who doesn't feel the same for you when you could have very well gone out and met other women who would be more compatible for you. In other words, the TRUE woman of your dreams could have came and went in the time you've been chasing this one girl around.

A famous psychologist by the name of Dr. Paul talks about how every person has a personal boundary, and you can think of that boundary as a circle. When you have a crush on a woman and are trying to set goals to eventually be in a romantic relationship with her, you are basically setting goals inside her personal boundary. You can also think of this as the reason why you're chasing after her is because she fulfills your emotional needs in one way or another. Now the question is do you fulfill hers? The answer is most likely no. This girl is looking for someone to fulfill those emotional needs, and she knows that a guy who can't fulfill his own emotional needs independent of her won't be able to fulfill hers. Simply put, women are not attracted to guys who chase after them and bend over backwards for them. It seems illogical, but it's true. You have to do what is illogical in order to be successful. That includes going out and meeting other women but being a difficult person who doesn't fall for women easily.

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