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Can't have feeling for the opposite sex.

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TheWingman
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04 Nov 2011, 2:25 pm

Hi, I can't have feelings for the opposite sex like i used to. I'm 28 and never had a real girlfriend, only long distance stuff with girls that I didn't really like but I just accepted to be in a relationship to see how it was. It's a couple of years that I didn't fall in love. I used to fall in love to much and got hurt a lot because dreams don't always meet reality. Then, I learned to be cold and distant because I have been told that girls like that and also it was a way to protect me. But I'm too cold and too distant. I just can't find the right way. I think that girls have been such a problem in my life (I mean not them, but the their absence) that I associoted them with lots of negative feelings. I really want to be able to feel what I used to feel but I can feel that my heart has became so hard. I don't know what to do I need help.



Tequila
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04 Nov 2011, 2:29 pm

Have you thought about becoming a gay?

Seriously, just do what you feel like or feel attracted to?

Or, perhaps try not to have this stratospheric feelings of being in love forever and ever and just see where things lead?



hartzofspace
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04 Nov 2011, 2:37 pm

TheWingman wrote:
Hi, I can't have feelings for the opposite sex like i used to. I'm 28 and never had a real girlfriend, only long distance stuff with girls that I didn't really like but I just accepted to be in a relationship to see how it was. It's a couple of years that I didn't fall in love. I used to fall in love to much and got hurt a lot because dreams don't always meet reality. Then, I learned to be cold and distant because I have been told that girls like that and also it was a way to protect me. But I'm too cold and too distant. I just can't find the right way. I think that girls have been such a problem in my life (I mean not them, but the their absence) that I associoted them with lots of negative feelings. I really want to be able to feel what I used to feel but I can feel that my heart has became so hard. I don't know what to do I need help.

I used to feel that way towards men, and I simply closed down and quit dating for a long time. I was reacting to past hurts and some traumatic incidents that I needed to heal from. Once I healed, I started dating again. You just need to be kind to yourself, and not pressure yourself to date. We live in a society that makes single people out to be defective just because they are not in a relationship. Maybe you could see a counselor to discuss why you feel that way? Maybe you could ask yourself why you started shutting down your feelings?


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Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner


mushroo
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04 Nov 2011, 2:42 pm

It is OK to be single, you still have worth to society. :)

If you've been hurt and need time to heal then why not just make friends with some girls you aren't interested in romantically? Because I guarantee there are lots of women who also have been hurt and would enjoy just hanging out with someone who is not pressuring them for sex. :)



TheWingman
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04 Nov 2011, 3:55 pm

mushroo wrote:
It is OK to be single, you still have worth to society. :)

If you've been hurt and need time to heal then why not just make friends with some girls you aren't interested in romantically? Because I guarantee there are lots of women who also have been hurt and would enjoy just hanging out with someone who is not pressuring them for sex. :)


I don't want to be single, I'm sick of being so alone. It's 28 years I'm alone. I would like to have friendship with girls but I'm really to different from them. I'm not fun for them.



mushroo
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04 Nov 2011, 4:08 pm

TheWingman wrote:
mushroo wrote:
It is OK to be single, you still have worth to society. :)

If you've been hurt and need time to heal then why not just make friends with some girls you aren't interested in romantically? Because I guarantee there are lots of women who also have been hurt and would enjoy just hanging out with someone who is not pressuring them for sex. :)


I don't want to be single, I'm sick of being so alone. It's 28 years I'm alone. I would like to have friendship with girls but I'm really to different from them. I'm not fun for them.


I sense your pain... I will try to give gentle advice. :)
Making friends will also help you feel less alone, improve your self-esteem, increase you confidence. They will also introduce you to their friends and that's a great way to meet women. If they are introduced by a mutual friend then they are more predisposed to trust you than a stranger.
Furthermore most women will want to get to know you as a friend first before they get romantic.
So learning how to make friends with women is not a social skill that you can afford to neglect, sorry. :(

But if you don't want to take that advice, and the only thing you want is a girlfriend as soon as possible, then I recommend internet dating. I have had good luck with it in the past. :)